Whatever Gets You Through the Day

The Real Enemy: Car Talk

2011-03-17T15:33:00.001-04:00

As much as a hassle as it would be, I am considering moving to Broolyn just so that Anthony Weiner can be my member of Congress.

Although on second thought, I don't really like "Car Talk". Its just filler before "Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me". Maybe he's wrong.

Badvertising: Jello Frowns on Good Grammar

2011-03-14T18:21:00.000-04:00

I purchased some tasty Jello Pudding cups the other day, and while eating one I noticed this on the lid. If you can't read it clearly, it has a happy face (the "O") imparting the happy lesson that "Frown is a Four Letter Word".

I get the intent, and its a very happy message, but I have to think this has big time backfire potential. Setting aside the obvious problem (that any of these "four letter word" proverbs needs an actual four letter word in order to work!) I can imagine the discussion:

Curious Kid : "Four letter word? But... Frown has 5 letters? Hey Mom, why does this say its a four letter word?"

Shocked Mom: " Um... must be a mistake."

CK: "What does it mean 'four letter word'? Why would that matter how many letters it has?"

SM: (in mind: "F%!K you, pudding people!")

Do they have basic programming on the Wonderlic?

2011-02-27T15:42:00.000-05:00

Note to NFL.com: your new combine results website is awful. A basic case of putting style over substance. Check it out for yourself, and you'll quickly know what the problem is.

In years past the results for each event and position were listed simply and cleanly. Apparently that format was a little too good at fulfilling its basic purpose of transmitting numerical information in a convenient format. This year, we get a much bulkier interface which will only list 5-6 players at a time. Instead of neat tables which transmit a few dozen scores per screen, we get over sized, unnecessary bar graphs comparing scores. And the bars aren't even proportional or helpful. Quick tip: graphics are most helpful when they make complex information easy to read and compare. In this case, I know that 15<25<35. No bulky bar graphs are needed.

What's worse than this is the interface for sorting through drills and positions. There is a button for each drill, and as you might imagine you click the button to see the results. There are also buttons for each position grouping. However, when you click on a group button is blocks out that group, leaving all the other un-clicked groups for comparison. So on the same console we have one system where pushing a button brings up data and another where pushing a button in the same way hides data. Finally, instead of simply sorting as the buttons are clicked, the user must click an "update" button to see the desired groupings (after figuring out the backassward button system). This is a pointless step. We aren't comparing mutual funds here, it should be able to update after being clicked.

For example, in order to see the bench press results for offensive lineman only, you click the bench press button, then you must click every other position group in order to hide them. After that, you must scroll up and down, making it harder to see and compare the whole group. So instead of pushing 2 buttons and seeing one chart, you press 10 buttons and get to see only a fraction of the group. Whoever approved this system ought to be reprimanded.

Fix your system, NFL.com. In the future, when in doubt, keep things simple.

Showing our work

2011-02-25T10:03:00.002-05:00

We are a full service blog, and as such we strive to please our audience. Someone asked for elaboration on my last post, which dealt with a Kaiser poll of perceptions about the health care law which was passed last year. I took to task several supposed explanations from people who said the law had already negatively effected them, but didn't pay any attention to the claims of those who say that the law has had a positive effect on their lives. So now I'll go through those explanations provided and examine which explanations can be tied to the implementation of the law and which might simply be wishful or partisan in nature.

1) “I’m not worried about being bumped off [down] the road because of some major illness…And as I get older toward qualifying for Medicare, I am more comfortable because the prescription drugs will be less.”

In this case, its possible that these are anticipated benefits, not actual benefits from the implementation of the law. Several of the protections about pre-existing conditions and high risk pools have been rolled out, but not all. Certainly the part of about anticipated Medicare costs don't yet apply, given that this person is apparently not yet on Medicare. However, as of September 2010 the law prohibits insurers from dropping people when they get sick (a common practice before the law), so in a sense this is at least partially correct: the insured need not worry about "bumped off" due to illness. Overall you might give this one partial credit.

2) “My son, 23, works two jobs that do not have health insurance, and he can stay under my health insurance.”

This is directly tied to the implementation of the law. As of September 2010, adult dependents up to age 26 can remain on their parents health insurance if they so desire.

3) “My husband fell into the doughnut hole and received $250.”

Again, directly related to the implementation of the law. The "donut hole" refers to a coverage gap which misses certain individuals who participate in Medicare Part D. As a result of the health care law, these individuals all received a check to help them cover the costs of prescription drugs.

4) “If we need to purchase new health care coverage, nobody can turn us down.”

Difficult to classify this one. Some of the provisions against denial for preexisting conditions have gone into effect, but not all of them. The quote could imply that these people might not have coverage at all. So its hard to say that this law has directly effected them yet or if these are anticipated benefits.

5) “We have children with disabilities. The new reform law has really helped us. Since we have children with preexisting conditions, we get coverage."

This is true. As of September 2010, the law requires that insurers provide coverage for children up to 19 whether or not they have preexisting conditions. There are also temporary high risk pools which have been started, so its possible that insurance for sick individuals could be purchased through these pools.

6) “I got health coverage when I needed it.”

Hard to classify without more details. Certainly its possible that this person made use of the high risk pools or falls under one of the other covered categories, but its also possible that the implementation of the law had no effect in this case.

7) “It has allowed my husband to have all his medical treatments for his illness.”

Again, hard to classify. Its possible that the implementation of the law had no relation to this case, or its possible that treatment was received as a result of the provisions. As of September 2010, there is no longer a lifetime cost cap on essential health care, so its possible that this individual received more care than they would have under the old system. Its also possible that this person was able to keep their insurance instead of being bumped off when they got sick, which would be a direct result of the law. Without more details, its hard to say if this case was related to the law or not.

8) “It makes our health insurance more inexpensive.”

This could be anticipated benefits down the road, as most of the subsidies for purchasing health insurance have not yet kicked in. It could also be wishful thinking about the effects of the law on health care costs overall.

So in the cases of the 14% who say the law has personally benefited them, we get some examples which can be shown as being a direct result of the law's implementation and some examples which are harder to classify. In these latter cases its possible that people are merely expressing a partisan or uninformed viewpoint in support of the law without actually feeling its effects, but without more details its impossible to classify their claims "true" or "false" as related to the law in question.

Health and the Body Politic

2011-02-24T21:50:00.005-05:00

There is an interesting and, in my opinion, well done poll out from the Kaiser group on current perceptions about the Health Care Reform law. The big headline has been that only 52% of respondents knew that the law was still "the law of the land", while 22% said that the law had already been repealed for good and the other 24% were unsure about the answer.

Its very tempting to write off that 48% as ignorant of the facts, but I think in fairness we must admit that there is a potential source of confusion: the current court challenges which have ruled against the law. While its true that more cases have been decided in favor of the law than against it, the fact is that in at least 2 cases the law has been "struck down" by judges. Even though these cases are not final and implementation of the law has not been stopped, I could see where some respondents could legitimately be confused about the status of the law, especially given the overwhelming news coverage of the successful challenges compared to the meager coverage of the unsuccessful challenges. If I had to guess, I would say that few of these respondents are confused about the issue as a result of the legal challenges, but we must allow the for that possibility.

There are some other interesting, though not necessarily new or surprising, findings in the study. A majority want the law either upheld or expanded, and almost all the provisions of the law, with the exception of the individual mandate, are popular across all groups, even among those who want the law repealed.

What was new and interesting to me in this poll was a question about whether or not the respondent had been personally helped or hurt by the law. In both cases the percentage saying the law had affected them was small. A mere 14% of respondents said the law had effected them in a positive way, while 17% reported negative effects. This seems about right, given that so few of the major provisions of the law have been implemented. What was interesting, however, was the reasons people gave for saying the law had negatively effected them or their families. There is both a statistical breakdown and open ended answers provided, and after looking at them my conclusion is that most who reported in the negative are either unaware of the provisions of the law or merely answered in the negative because they don't like the law in general, not because it has actually affected them. Some examples from the negative column, with off the cuff analysis:

1a) “My health insurance doubled since the health care law, and I pay for my own because I run my own business.”
1b) “My personal health insurance went up, and I am sure it will continue. I am afraid it is going to break the country economically.”
1c) “My mother had to pay more money for medication.”

This was by far the biggest complaint. Among the 17% who reported personally feeling negative effects from the law, 48% complained of rising costs. To me, this seems like a basic case of post hoc, ergo prompter hoc. The law was passed, costs went up, therefore the law caused costs to go up. Given that most of the law hasn't yet been implemented I have trouble believing that any costs increases in the last year are soley, or even mostly, a result of the law. In fact, health care costs were already rising far faster than inflation before the law, and I see no reason to believe that this pattern didn't hold true for the last year. Indeed, if we could jump in a time machine and stop the law from being passed, I wager that there would still have been large cost increases over the past year.

2)“Financially the middle class will not be able to afford the insurance.”

I find this odd for 2 reasons. First, the law provides fairly generous subsidies for middle income families who need to purchase open market insurance. And second, this sounds like a theoretical response, not one which points out how they personally have been negatively effected. Perhaps they personally have seen their costs rise, in which case refer to example 1. But otherwise this response is out of place.

3)“It is going to cost the taxpayers more money. It was passed…and people didn’t get a chance to read it.”

Again, unrelated to personal negative effects already felt from the law. This is teabagger whining.

4) “Because of our income, we are being strangled with paying for everyone else. Middle America will not exist under these conditions."

More pissing and moaning from teabaggers. I wonder if these people understand the concept of insurance, or the fact that everyone already pays for those who can't afford, don't qualify, or simply chose not to purchase insurance. The emergency room ain't free, its a hidden cost we all pay for. And again, this doesn't show how the law has personally affected you, since the tax provisions in the law have not yet been implemented.

5) “I don’t like someone telling me I have to do this.”

Again, wingnut whining which is unrelated to the question at hand. Whatever your opinion on the Individual Mandate, it hasn't yet been activated. Therefore, it can't have effected you yet.

6) “Whenever the government controls anything, people get affected negatively. Government should stay out of it and not have control over it.”

Rinse and repeat. This doesn't show how you have been negatively affected. This is just short sighted political ranting.

However, this is all relatively minor stuff. Overall, the results of this poll give me... hope? I guess we will see. If nothing else, I applaud the researchers for delving into some interesting questions.

Bonds not yet broken

2011-02-17T18:54:00.001-05:00

This is somewhat promising. The parties have agreed to work with a counselor. A bit disappointing that they missed the chance to reconcile over Valentine's Day, but better late than never.

Even more so, they apparently have agreed to take a little trip, just the two of them. Get away from the kids for a week, just take some time for them.

Hopefully this partnership can be salvaged.

Double Secret Liquidation

2011-02-13T17:53:00.000-05:00

Interesting news from the world of wine economics, one of our niche areas of interest on this blog (actually the intersection of 2 niche areas). I reported a while ago about a strange trend, how suddenly every organization was contacting me with attempts to sell discounted batches of wine in bulk. From the Napa Valley Register comes this story about a related movement by high priced wineries towards using "flash" sites to offload their extra product seemingly under the radar (in this case, "flash" refers not to the programming language necessarily but the short term nature of the offered sales).

I'm familiar with one of these sites, Wine Woot, which I check daily but have only ever purchased from on one occasion (ironically not for wine but for a wine related poster). Apparently there is a stigma in the minds of wine producers against offloading their wares to discount chains like Costco or Trader Joe's. The fear is that these discount shipments will be spotted by wine club members and others who are used to paying higher prices for these products, and thus drive down their brand value. So what sites like Wine Woot allow them to do is sneak a bunch of product out a metaphorical back door in order to try and save both face and recoup the fixed costs of production.

Book Review: All the Devils are Here

2011-02-10T21:40:00.000-05:00

I just finished reading All the Devils are Here, by Bethany McClean and Joe Nocera, one of the books which tries to tell the story of the financial collapse of 2008 (don't mind the 3.5 star rating, that's entirely driven by people complaining about the Kindle price. Idiots). Its a good book, but ultimately frustrating, because it doesn't really point to any concrete answers. The authors admit this much, which is both honest and refreshing in a way. Many books of this nature take on an issue and then try to tack on some proposed solutions at the end, regardless of their feasibility.

The thing that struck me the most about this book is really how incomprehensible this all is to even an informed or interested reader. I consider myself a person of decent intelligence with some grasp on finance and economics, but most of the book was still a struggle to follow. This despite the efforts the authors make to lay things out as simply as possible. My ego takes some solace in the fact that even the finance professionals who did all this stuff often had no clue about what was going on. Of course, that feeling is more than offset by the anger that these people had no clue what was going on!

Even if you get past step 1, understanding the various mechanism and financial actions in play, the dollar amounts are simply staggering. It amazing to think that there is so much money changing hands every single day in the financial markets. Commercial banks, consumer banks, investment banks, mortgage originators, mortgage backers, hedge funds, trading houses, insurance companies: all moving trillions of dollars in the blink of an eye.

Despite the complexity, the take away from the book is pretty simple: greed and arrogance. That's what caused and drove the crash. Greed caused people to chase unrealistic riches, often times in unethical or stupid ways. Arrogance allowed them to believe that the good times would never end, despite the fact that the good times always end. I'm not sure what the answer is, and even if I did I'd be very pessimistic that the answer would be implemented and enforced properly. That's probably the worst thing about this: this history in this book will be repeated. The details will change but like any lazy sequel the underlying story will be the same.

Super Leftovers

2011-02-07T08:38:00.001-05:00

I take back my melancholy sentiment in my previous post. I love football and I love the Super Bowl. Its easy to love a game as entertaining as that one.

Quick Super Bowl commercial analysis:

Tiny Darth Vader Passat isn't nearly as cute in 30 second format.

Eminem's "This is Detroit" ad was confusing but slick, but what really, really hurt it in my mind was his prior ad where a claymation Eminem was shilling for canned Ice Tea and pretended to be hardcore about it. Kinda kills the power of the "Detroit" ad.

Groupon's "Tibet" ad was tasteless and offensive, but maybe that's what they were going for. This could blow up for them in a good way or a bad way. And hey, maybe its an attempt to hold up a mirror to our culture and its whishy washy sentiments. Today there are plenty of boycott calls on Groupon, but we'll see if they last until the next great deal comes along.

Budweiser and Bud Light need to stop. We get it, at this point its just a prestige thing to have 8 different commercials during the broadcast, even though you only have ideas for 1 or 2 at the most. The best one I can remember was the "product placement" one.

Chevy's "Lassie" commercial was funny.

All the movie commercials: meh to very meh. Except for "Cowboys & Aliens". Its got cowboys, aliens, Olivia Wilde, James Bond and Indiana Jones in it. You just sold a ticket.

Goodbye football. Goodbye NFL. Go take some time for yourself, straighten out your demons, and come back to us real soon.

Super Buzzkill

2011-02-06T16:35:00.001-05:00

Today is the Super Bowl. Perhaps the last one for 2 or more years. Maybe my last in New York.   Possibly the last one ever (hey, you never know).

I think I'm staring to feel about the Super Bowl the way Luther felt about the Church. Really this applies to all of sports in general, but I think the Super Bowl is the best, all-encompassing example of this phenomenon.   I'm not the first to say it, but the game has become weighed down with a double thick layer of pomp and crass commercialism. I appreciate some of this, since this is a big cultural event. Its only natural that we should try to impart onto in a certain gravity greater than that of a mere football game, that we should try to "make sacred" this seemingly ordinary yet clearly important event. Its a holiday, a feast, a celebration, and one which I love and embrace with gusto.

Sadly, every year our celebration gets weighed down a little bit more with the superfluous and distracting trappings of our age. Take this example: According to TV guide, the Super Bowl is slotted for 4 hours. The official pregame show on Fox is slotted for... 4 hours. And the only reason they even out is that 30 minutes of pregame activity prior to kickoff has been added to the game broadcast in the listings. If additional comment is necessary then you probably don't see the problem.

Most of this damage was done long ago. The Simpsons had jokes about this 20 years ago (which I can remember watching for the first time. Damn, I'm old). But even now there are incremental incursions into the game itself. More commercial time, more tie ins, more pregame shows, more hype. More of everything, except the thing I love: the actual game.   That's set in stone. 60 minutes, 100 yards, winner take all.

I'm here for the game. I can appreciate some of the commercials and such, to a point, since many are creative, but even that has become weighed down by committee thinking and lowest common denominator crassness. But most of the rest can go and I would be happier for it. And that goes for coverage of all sports nowadays.

There is a good article in The Awl this week about this, in which the writer is privileged to see long lost footage of Super Bowl I and compares the experience to the modern sporting event. Definitely worth a read and some reflection, even if the post itself is a bit overwritten and tries a bit too hard to be intellectual. Its only football, after all.

I don't know what the answer is, or even if there is an answer. I have no illusions about nailing some pamphlet of theses to the doors of ESPN and starting a sporting reformation. Nor would I give up the game I love, despite its many flaws. Perhaps my sustaining hope should be that the game itself has reached a saturation point, and that there just aren't any more empty boughs on the tree on which to hang ornamentation.

More than anything, though, I hope its a good game, and I hope its not our last.

Collective Drama

2011-02-03T19:14:00.003-05:00

{Scene: We open on the well appointed office of a successful business owner. The owner is sitting at his large, elaborate desk in a very nice chair. His employee enters and takes a seat in front of him}

Employee: "Hi boss, you wanted to meet with me?"

Boss: "Yes, sit down. Its time to go over your contract for the next year"

Employee: "Well boss, I think we had a pretty good year. The business seems to be doing well, and this job give me a lot of satisfaction. I'd be happy to re-up my current contract, if that's alright with you"

Boss: "Hold it there, son. I've got big plans! We're expanding! We need to up production!"

Employee: "Wow, really? I mean, we are kinda at maximum production as it is, but I suppose we could add some extra workers to increase output."

Boss: "Extra workers? We aren't that flush. Maybe a temp for some light filing work on Fridays, but otherwise its all on you. I need you to up your workload from 8 hours a day to 9! Its the only way!"

Employee: "Well, honestly boss, that would be tougher to handle. This job is pretty demanding, and I worry that quality could slip. But I suppose I could try, for the good of the business. I would get overtime pay for my efforts, right?"

Boss: "Actually, I'm cutting your salary."

Employee: "WHAT! Why? I thought things were going well."

Boss: "Sorry, but it can't be helped. We need to stay competitive. I need you to work longer hours for less money, or else we're in trouble."

Employee: "My goodness! I thought we were doing so well. Are things really that bad? Is the company in trouble? Are we really losing money?"

Boss: "Heavens no! Things have never been better. Revenues grow every year, and we are swimming in profits. This was our best year yet! And every year the value of the company goes up, and my net worth with it."

Employee: (puzzled) "Oh... well then you must be worried about the economy"

Boss: "Hardly. We weathered the worst recession in generations with barely a hiccup. In fact, we've weathered every downturn, including the Great Depression, and we've never been stronger. We are largely recession proof."

Employee: (even more puzzled) "Um... ok. Well then why? Are we worried about competitors?"

Boss: "No, not really. We don't really have any. Oh sure, there's some other similar companies, but they tend to operate mostly at other times of the year, and there's enough of the pie to go around. Besides, we smash them in both popularity and revenues. We're cock of the walk!"

Employee: (just really puzzled)

Boss: "We also have a special law from Congress which helps us edge out any competition before it starts. And if any fool is dumb enough to actually try and compete directly, we just crush them like bugs. They all end up going bust and losing their shirts. In fact, only one guy ever posed a real threat to us, and so I did what anyone would do: brought him in and made him a partner! Now we're both richer than ever!"

Employee: "Well, boss, I still don't get why you want to change things. Are you worried about foreign competitors?"

Boss: "HA! We are the only business like this in the world! Oh sure, they have similar things in a few other nations, but they are all small potatoes. No, that's too generous. They are one half of one tiny potato. And even with that, we are more popular in those countries than their native businesses!"

Employee: "I just don't get it. Are you worried about capital costs? I mean, we did do all those big projects in recent years. Do we have a cash flow problem?"

Boss: "Not at all. Hell, we duped a lot of local cities to chip in and pay for a good chunk of those projects, and now they are paying off nicely. The bucks are rolling in, and we are making more money than ever!"

Employee: (frantic): "Customers! You're worried that we'll lose customers! That's it!... right?"

Boss: "Not in the slightest. Every year we generate more and more interest. Every year we raise prices, and those suckers still shell out their hard earned bucks for our product. They can't help themselves, they love it so much. Its like one step above dealing drugs, and its totally legal!"

Employee: "Well then why? Why must you make me work more and pay me less at the same time?"

Boss: "Well, um... competitiveness. We need to stay competitive! And after all, I'm the owner. Don't I deserve some profit for my hard work?"

Employee: "Well yes, of course, but honestly I'm having trouble believing all this. Would you mind showing me the books? Maybe that would help me understand?"

Boss: (indignant): "What! Never! Those books are mine, and I can't show them to you!"
Boss: "Now are you going to sign my new contract, or not?"

Employee: "Well I suppose I have no choice. I mean, if I didn't, you would just replace me with some other worker who has my skill set.'

Boss: (slightly flustered) "Well, um... sure. That's it".

Employee: "Well wouldn't you do that?"

Boss: "Well I suppose... in theory. But there aren't actually any other workers with your skills. So I'd probably have to shut things down entirely. Or maybe I could hire some less skilled workers to replace you, but my customers would be unhappy. Either way I'd probably lose a ton of money and customer loyalty."

Employee: "Oh. So without me you're basically screwed?"

Boss "Well, yes. I mean, it would be very bad for business."

Employee "And with me, as a result of my skills and efforts, you make more money than God?"

Boss: "Well I mean... yes. But then again, God doesn't have to pay alimony. So its not really a fair comparison".

Employee: "I sympathize. But really, do I at least get something out of this? More health benefits? More pension? Some equity in the company?"

Boss: " No, not really. Its just more work for less pay. Now hurry up and sign or I'll fire you!"

Employee: "Sorry sir. I like working here, but I just don't see how this is a fair deal for me. We have a great thing going. I'd just like to keep things the way they are."

Boss: "What! How can you be such a greedy bastard! Get out!!!! And don't come back until you realize how lucky you are to slave away to make me even richer!"

{Scene}

Badvertising: Dark Side of the Passat

2011-02-03T16:15:00.000-05:00

This commercial has everything good: Star Wars, dogs, ladies dutifully making sammiches, and kids ignoring their loving families in order to be both cute and obnoixous.

Except Darth Vader never turned on a car! He uses his force power to kill things. Nerd fail!

Thought of the day: bad cooks

2011-01-30T19:56:00.000-05:00

Things that are sad: that there could be a show called "Worst Cooks in America" on Food Network.

Cooking is not always easy, but its not hard either. With even a little knowledge, training, or curiosity, anyone can be at least a mediocre cook. Some of the best meals (roast chicken, pasta, chili, etc) are even really, really simple and damn near idiot proof. That there could be enough people who are so completely clueless about basic food preparation is probably some sad commentary about the state of our culture.

Maybe. I don't wanna read to much into things like this. But it is kinda sad.

Things that are even sadder: that we are now in a second season of this show, and there is no end in sight.

About last night

2011-01-19T08:54:00.002-05:00

Just a fantastic Colbert Report last night, start to finish.

Killing me tastily

2011-01-10T14:22:00.000-05:00

Toxic death, here I come!

I was reading the Awl today, and for some reason I decided to click on an ad link for a list of "7 Foods That Should Never Cross Your Lips". The result was an article on Prevention.com, which is apparently an anti preservative/anti toxin awareness website. And now I have to move, because my kitchen is apparently stocked with toxic food which I shouldn't go within 500 feet of. The List of Death:

1) Canned Tomatoes

Not a promising start for someone who makes pasta 5 times a week.

2) Corn Fed Beef

In other words, beef.

3) Microwave popcorn

But its so tasty! And has surprisingly few calories for a snack food.

4) Non-organic potatoes

1 for 4!

5) Farmed Salmon

1 for 5! Actually make that 1 for 10, since I eat way more salmon than most people so it should count double.

6) Milk produced with artificial hormones

Oh dear.

7) Conventional apples

Well there goes 90% of my fruit intake. I wonder how they feel about red vines. That's a fruit, right?

So that's it, there's a big ol tumor coming in my future unless I change my ways. I'm seriously considering changing my diet to things not on the list: Diet Coke, Turkey Jerky, Beer and nachos (beef free, of course).

Badvertising: God Loves Interstate Batteries

2011-01-10T14:07:00.000-05:00

I saw this on the big screen at the Orange Bowl, and I wasn't sure if I was just drunk or going crazy or what. But apparently I really did see what I thought I saw, and it was this:

Reminded me at first of the Coca Cola "Grand Theft Auto" ad from a few years ago, where a magical soft drink turns a thug into a super nice guy.

What makes this commercial strange isn't the message or the story, its the juxtaposition with Interstate Batteries at the end. I was fully expecting a message from a church or other religious group, sort of like how the Ad council does those benign ads promoting respect or tolerance. And then BOOM! Interstate batteries, the battery which God would choose for his love ray!

I'm all for the message, since the world could always use more kindness and love, but the story is also kinda depressing. The world is a dark and sad place filled with miserable people... but never fear, just a bit of love and compassion will make the drudgery of life bearable for another day. Which is 100% true, but the visual images are still a downer. Which means I'll need even more love to get back into a good mood.

Badvertising: Trojan Triphoria

2010-12-25T15:37:00.001-05:00

IS IT TOO LATE TO CHANGE MY CHRISTMAS LIST!?!?!?!

I saw this crazy little ad yesterday, during the day, in the middle of a Star Wars Marathon on Spike. So I'm sure no kids were watching. Not that I care if kids see stuff like this, since they either don't know what it is or if they do know should be taught that the female orgasm is a wonderful thing which should be encouraged and pursued with gusto. So you'll get no morality lesson from me.

But still, just... wow. What a crazy ad, and what a time to have it on. I thought it was funny, but it seems more like an ad aimed at guys, similar to any number of low comedy beer commercials, with the aim to get them to purchase said product for the lady in their lives. It doesn't seem like the type of ad which would actually make women buy things.

The product name is interesting too: Triphoria. I assume its a combination of "Three" (for the 3 options) and "Euphoria". But it also sounds like one of those name brand medicines they sell using ambiguous commercial with lots of old people biking in the woods, like Propecia or Cialis. Or alternatively, it sounds like some kind of virus you don't want to get. The Triphoria Virus: it kills you three ways!

Holiday Thought Experiment

2010-12-19T14:52:00.000-05:00

A quick Holiday Economics thought experiment:

Amazon.com is famous for their free Super Saver Shipping, which is bulk ground shipping that they promise will take 5-9 business days. Often times products will arrive sooner, but this is not guaranteed. All during December Amazon had a countdown of how many days were left that customers could still enjoy Super Saver shipping and have their purchases arrive in time for Christmas. As expected the last day was 9 days before Christmas.

And then suddenly I get an email: Super Saver has been extended. Suddenly you can take advantage all the way till the 19th, a mere 6 days till Christmas, and a Sunday no less, which will certainly cut down shipping speed.

Why?

How can they guarantee 5 day shipping on shipping which is supposed to take 5-9 days, especially during the busiest shipping season of the entire year?

My hypothesis: Amazon has decided to pay the increased cost of faster shipping, still calling it Super Saver but actually eating more of the cost per unit shipped. This will cut into their profit margin, but its worthwhile in this limited situation. Amazon knows that most people have a certain amount they will spend for their Christmas purchases, and they need to take this step in order to offset their biggest drawback as a shopping service: the need to order things far in advance.

So Amazon accepts a lower margin per purchase, but does so in order to capture purchases which they otherwise would have been shut out of.

There is a side note here: Amazon could have told customers that they were planning to extend the Super Saver deadline beforehand, but they choose to wait until the clock had "run out" before announcing the extension. The reason for this is easy: psychologically pressure as many sales as possible before the false deadline, and then cash in on any "bonus sales" they got during the extended deadline. It also likely saved them some money, because they will not have to pay the extra shipping charges on orders which they theoretically would have gotten anyway but would have been delayed due to later ordering.

Sometimes the world really does work in a way described in Econ books. Maybe its a Christmas miracle?

Le Burger C'est Magnifique

2010-11-15T17:53:00.002-05:00

I saw this article about how 5 Super-Chefs combined their forces to become a VoltronChef for some benefit at the Four Seasons. It was a mild little article without a lot to remember, but there was one quote at the end which made me very happy.

Joel Robuchon was named "Chef of the Century" by Gault Millua. He has contributed to Larousse Gastronomique, authored several other bestselling cookbooks, is a role model for generations of aspiring chefs, and has been awarded more Michelin Stars than any other chef in the whole bloody world. So what words from this culinary Grand Master made me smile so smugly?

"And Robuchon wanted to hit up electronics stores; he admitted that he loves an In-n-Out burger, but that shopping is his real guilty pleasure."

His guilty food pleasure is a Double Double. This from a man who owns the top 5 rated restaurants in the whole country and the top rated restaurant in Las Vegas. I think In-n-Out should get a Michelin Star by default for that.

The Show Must Go On

2010-11-14T09:07:00.000-05:00

I haven't yet had a chance to see Lombardi on Broadway, but I hope I get a chance to take it in before the run is up. I very much enjoyed David Maraniss's "When Pride Still Mattered", the thorough Lombardi biography which inspired the play.

Even if I don't get a chance to see Lombardi, I know I'll do whatever it takes to see the follow up play:

My prediction is that the show will start off very slow, but things will really pick up after intermission. I hope its a musical!

[From Sports Pickle].

Badvertising: TurkeyTail

2010-11-12T23:54:00.001-05:00

Heehee!

Turkey day is coming people, so don't forget to stock up on the essentials.

Happy Veterans Day

2010-11-11T00:19:00.002-05:00

Veteran's day was originally Armistice Day, the day that marked the end of the Great War. I was hoping to have completed reading a book dealing with that conflict to review for a post today, but I dropped the ball.

World War one is less remembered in our country for many reasons, but at least it's remembered, if only indirectly, through the establishment of Veteran's Day as a national holiday.

Of course, the War to End all Wars did no such thing. As a result, men like Richard Winters had to lead another generation into battle. His story has been well documented, but thankfully its power has not diminished over time. The ending to the documentary "We Stand Alone Together" remains especially poignant.

Happy Veteran's day to all vets and those on active duty. Thank you.

Sugar Stasi and Freedom Fries

2010-11-10T23:42:00.001-05:00

Welcome back to "Food and Politics" week! For our next course we turn to the Quitta from Wasilla.

Half term Governor Sarah Palin gave a speech at a fundraiser for a private school in Pennsylvania, and her remarks caused some "controversy". Which is exactly what they were designed to do. Imagine that.

Palin kicked off "cookiegate" (gag) by decrying a proposed ban on cookies in schools which the evil government (read: the democratically elected state government of Pennsylvania) is planning to implement. This totalitarian rule will be enforced by the Sugar Stasi, who will roam the halls confiscating anything that isn't whole grain, low fat and free of taste. Violators will be punished with plates of steamed lima beans, which is better than those monsters deserve!

Well, not quite. You see, the state government is thinking about possibly voting on recommendations to schools, which would encourage them to limit the sweets offered at in class parties, and to encourage them to offer health snacks too. There is no "ban" of any kind. There are no penalties for not following the guidelines.

We can debate the impact of such guidelines. My guess would be that they wouldn't amount to much, especially since a lot of effort has already been made by some parents to provide healthier foods at these occasions. Given that these are free guidelines meant to encourage healthy eating, the worst we can probably say is that they will have no effect. Whatever we think, its important to look at the actual facts of the situation before we react.

Amazingly, Palin failed to address the truth or nuance of the situation. Instead, she "liberated" the dangerously underweight kids in the audience by bringing them store bought sugar cookies and then railed against the "nanny state". Her rhetoric was perfectly reasonable and informed:

"I wanted these kids to bring home the idea to their parents for discussion," said Palin. "Who should be making the decisions what you eat, school choice and everything else? Should it be government or should it be the parents? It should be the parents."

Um... Governor Palin. The State DOES decide what a lot of these kids eat. Each of those kids who gets a school provided breakfast or lunch, or who pays for one in the cafeteria, is being served by the state. At an even larger level, a huge portion of most of these kids' (and our) diets are shaped by government agriculture policy, usually in a bad way. If you're really worried about the government's role in the pantry, there are much, much bigger (and fattier) fish to fry.

Furthermore, there is no proposed restriction here on what parents (the citizens who elected the government who is making these rules) can give to their kids. None.

The best part of all this: this was a private school. Even if cupcakes, sweets and cookies were outright banned by the public school system, it wouldn't effect ability of the kids at this institution to stuff their pie holes until the Type 2 kicked in. Just as Adam Smith intended.

Shattering the looking glass

2010-11-10T20:39:00.002-05:00

This is the New York Times today. For a short time it was the lead story on the Front Page.

"Biden Parodies in The Onion Strike Comic Gold"

The money quote:

“Let me get this straight: You want to interview the vice president about stories about him in The Onion?” Mr. Carney asked, sounding at once amused and dumbfounded by the request. “Well, I’ll give you credit for trying.”

This is "The Paper of Record" for the United States of America.

Its not even under "Arts and Leisure", its in the "Business" section.

They did a story is about a series of parodies by a fake newspaper.

And they didn't even mention the best one:

Biden Invites Nation's Women To Tax Code Discussion At Private Mountain Chalet

When you pick cherries, beware of the pits

2010-11-10T20:30:00.002-05:00

The Atlantic brings us an article about the psychological basis for our nation's (or any nations) political polarization. As evidence of this polarization, Lane Wallace points to another recent column by Charles Blow of the New York Times, using Blow's arguments to counter beliefs expressed by President Obama that most voters are not merely partisan automatons:

In his press conference following last week's election, President Obama told a questioning reporter that he "didn't believe people carried around with them a fixed ideology"--that if you'd asked most people on Election Day, they would have said that there were some things they agreed with Democrats on and some things they agreed with Republicans on.

Wallace then cites Blow's article as evidence that the President is incorrect in this belief. Unfortunately (or fortunately, perhaps), Blow's alarmist thesis about the danger of our partisan divide is not very convincing once you look at his data.

Blow supports his arguments with two bits of data. The first is shown in a graph found here, which illustrates a downward trend in ideological crossover voting in Congressional elections over the last 30 years. In other words, self identified liberal voters have been less likely to vote for Republican House candidates. Likewise, conservatives have been voting for Democrats in decreasing numbers. Certainly a possibly sign of polarization, but scale is also important. As you'll notice, the big drop on the liberal side is from 20% to 10% since 1982. For conservative voters, the drop is larger, from the low 30s to mid teens. Both trends indicate a higher degree of partisan sorting, but the small magnitude is not so alarming as Blow makes it out to be and the conclusions of hostile partisan conflict do not necessarily follow from the evidence. The alarmist could point out that crossover voting has declined 50% (I'm surprised Blow didn't given the tone of his piece), but its just as accurate to point out that crossover was never that likely and has only become slightly less likely.

What's happening here? There are many possibly explanations, mostly having to do with partisan sorting and the realigment of the parties over this period. Its no secret that the old Southern Democrats have all but vanished, replaced by Southern Republicans who are of a different party but occupy much of the same ideological space. Likewise the moderate Republican may also be going extinct in some areas like the Northeast. This has created more polarization in Congress, as measured by roll call votes.

We must remember, however, that the underlying policy preferences of the electorate need not be changed. The same district which would have elected a Southern Democrat 40 years ago may now elect a Republican instead, but this need not lead to any significantly more gridlock or polarization than it did then. The voting record may be more conservative overall, but the policy preferences of the district are may be basically unchanged. If the behavior of the Representative follows these preferences than the policy outcomes need not be necessarily different.

Another thing to remember is that this is a sample of voters, who we might expect to be more loyal to a given party. This is especially true for midterm elections, which are lower profile affairs where motivated partisans are far more likely to turn out in order to support their chosen political party.

Finally, there a huge piece of the puzzle left out: moderates. Self described moderate voters are the largest group in out body politic, and as they go so goes any election. Obama won because he won more moderate support. Republicans won this month because they flipped that around. The plurality of voters, by very definition, favor moderation.

Blow's other piece of data is even less convincing. He writes:

And the new Republican majority in the House comes to power with a sour sentiment from their electorate: make no deals and take no prisoners. A May poll released by the Pew Research Center found that a plurality of Republican voters said that they were less likely to vote for a candidate who “will compromise with people they disagree with.” They want either steamrollers or roadblocks, not consensus-builders.

Fortunately for us, and unfortunately for his argument, Blow helpfully links to the poll in question. In looking at it, we see that what he says is technically true: 40% of self identified Republican voters say that a willingness to compromise does not appeal to them when casting their Congressional vote. Sour, indeed. But looking closer, we see that almost equal number of that same group, 35%, say that a willingness to compromise is actually a positive for them. Additionally, 20% are unsure. So if we take the glass is (more than) half full approach, 60% of Republicans did not express an overt dislike for compromise.

Further hurting this story is the fact that the other two relevant groups, Democrats and Independents (both of which are larger than Republicans), willingness to compromise won out among voters. For the whole sample, 42% said that ability to compromise would effect their vote positively, while 29% were indifferent to the quality. Bringing up the rear were those who disliked compromise in a candidate, with only 22% rating it as a negative.

The funniest thing is that Blow somehow missed the title of Pew's press release for the poll:

"Willingness to Compromise a Plus in Midterms".

He must have needed a whole bucket for all the cherries he was picking.

One even larger issue with Blow's whole thesis is the fact that he never really addressed what President Obama said about voters! The President was referring to policy preferences, not merely to partisan vote choice. Its been proven by smarter men than me that the average citizen is capable of holding a variety of policy opinions which cross what we would assume to be the normal partisan lines. Context, nuance, world conditions and random chance all factor into citizen's expressed preferences at any given time, be it Election day or any other day of the year. Furthermore, there is much that strong majorities of Americans do agree on when asked about their individual policy preferences. This agreement cuts across ideologies, partisanship, and generations.

Political polarization is real. Its likely growing, especially among elites, and it does create real problems to efforts to create good policy. But hyperbole and bad science don't help the situation. Let's not forget that this nation of ours was once so divided that it literally divided, and the results were not pretty. With that in mind I have to disagree with Blow when he declares that we are in the "twilight of American moderation".

Government Cheese...

2010-11-08T16:25:00.005-05:00

"...and living in a van down by the River!"

Interesting article in the Times this weekend, which sheds some light but also brings up a lot of questions.

To summarize: The government heavily subsidizes our dairy industry. The end result being that the government ends up owning a lot of cheese. A lot. As in hundreds of millions of pounds of cheese. Naturally the government can only have so many Taco Tuesdays, and so they need to find a way to get rid of all of this extra milk and cheese that they own.

To help in this process, the government formed an agency called Dairy Management, which sounds like a CIA front company if I ever heard one. Dairy Management is funded mostly by fees on dairy producers, with a small portion of its budget coming from taxes. But in reality, all of this money is tax money, since the dairy farmers are paying back a portion of their government subsidies. DM's job is to promote the consumption of milk products, especially cheese. To do this, they have worked and continue to work with fast food companies to develop and promote new products with more cheese content.

“More cheese on pizza equals more cheese sales,” Mr. Gallagher, the Dairy Management chief executive, wrote in a guest column in a trade publication last year. “In fact, if every pizza included one more ounce of cheese, we would sell an additional 250 million pounds of cheese annually.”

More cheese means more cheese. Got it.

The article goes on to describe how DM used their stunning grasp of cheese economics to help Dominoes develop a better pizza which was enjoyed more by customers and thus helped their sales. And by "better" pizza they mean "they put a whole lot more cheese on top".

Anyone who knows anything about nutrition knows that cheese is high in deliciousness but low in health value. It tends to be high in calories, fat, and saturated fat, which is why people love it so much. But these pro-cheese efforts come in direct conflict with other government efforts to get people to eat a healthier diet, one which is lower in saturated fat and, by extension, contains less cheese. That's punchline to this article, as it points out the conflict here between different government agencies.

I like this article overall, and I think its the type of investigative news we need more of. My only objection is the way the story is framed overall. The writer frames it as a negative case of "government vs. government", which of course is true, but in reality its not as crazy or idiotic as its made out to be. There are legitimate competing interests here, public health vs. the dairy industry, and both have been successful in getting their voices heard by the government. Dairy Management exists because the Dairy industry has been able to put political and financial pressure on the government to create a subsidy regime. The public health concerns exist because another part of the citizenry has pressured the government to try and promote healthy eating. The government has responded to the demands of its constituencies, which is often a complicated and contradictory.

I would have preferred the author to talk more about the driving force in all this: the huge subsidies given to the dairy industry and their effects. The really root of the problem and what to be done with it is barely discussed. Maybe this is a realistic view to take since changing the status quo would be so difficult, if not impossible, but I think it would be more productive to focus on solving the larger problem instead of putting all the emphasis on the conflicts of interest. I think most Americans, myself included, can probably agree that its a good thing in theory to have a strong dairy industry. But I think we can also agree that when paying out enormous subsidies actually results in the American diet becoming less healthy, this is a bad thing. I'm not sure exactly where the balance should be, but I think that these subsidy efforts need to be pared back or eliminated.

There are some other, more disturbing parts of the article. They discuss possible faked or fudged scientific research meant to promote dairy foods as health foods, and possible retribution against researchers who refused to shape their findings in this way. If true this would be far worse in my mind than the idea of promoting putting more cheese on a pizza. Its one think to push a product and let the free market decide (though in this case I doubt you could call it a true free market), its another thing to poison the well of information while people are making those decisions.

One thing that really struck me that wasn't talked about in the article: Just how freaking dumb is Dominoes? They knew their pizzas sucked. They wanted to sell more pizzas. Yet it took a government agency to clue them into the simple idea of adding more cheese. How was this such a big mystery? I put cheese on lots of stuff, because its great and it makes just about everything better. Its not that complicated:

1) People like cheese
2) Add more cheese
3) Profit

Dominoes isn't the only fast food company which has made use of Dairy Management in order to increase their sales. Pizza Hut's idea to put cheese directly into the crust was a DM innovation, as was their "Summer of Cheese" marketing campaign. Which is just baffling to me. For all we here about the innovative power of the private sector and the idiocy of the government, why does it take a government agency with an agenda to clue in the private sector on the basics their own business?

I can't wait till next week when there will be an article about how Pork Management caused a revolutionary breakthrough when they clued in food providers that people really like bacon.

Wherefor art thou, Highlights?

2010-11-07T08:50:00.002-05:00

It seems I praised NFL films a bit too much in my post to open the season. I think they've started to take me for granted.

First, they haven't produced "Game of the Week" since the end of the 2008-2009 season. The last "Game of the Week" was the Super Bowl between the Steelers and Cardinals. Its now been a season and a half with no new features. My only guess at the reason is the death of narrator Harry Kalas in April 2009. Harry's death was a loss for all of us, but surely the show must go on, right?

Another thing which is bad may not be related to NFL Films directly, but is related to the NFL and how it handles its video content. For some reason the NFL has ceased to create self contained highlight videos during this season. These are videos of a game which show only highlights coupled with the radio calls of the given team making the highlight, which no studio input or outside narration. They would always be listed simply, with a title like "Chargers 21, Raiders 14". Now for some reason this practice has stopped, which is really a pain because the only way to try and get a full video of highlights is through a recap show. That can be fine sometimes, but its far from perfect. I've seen them do highlights for a game where 40+ points were scored, and the whole reel consisted of one play and lasted less than 30 seconds. That's hardly what I'd call full coverage.

So what's the deal? Where are our highlights?

Interesting

2010-11-06T20:21:00.002-04:00

Tonight I went to a dumpy little pizza place to get a sandwich. This particular place is really basic, they appear to have only like 5 items, all with big pictures on the board. It only looks like there are 2 types of pizza, cheese and a different type of cheese, and everything comes with a flat fountain drink and costs a nice round number, like $5 or $6. No separate tax calculation or anything too complicated.

But they do make a good meatball sandwich.

Anyway, I got said sandwich and the fountain drink it comes with, and before I had said anything the cashier was packing it all up to go. It was at this point I realized there was no one dining in, every one of the few customers in the store was getting their food to go. And its not a small place, there is plenty of seating.

But the funniest thing is that the cashier proceeded to put the top on my drink and then put it directly into the paper bag, next to the sandwich. I'd never seen this done before, mostly because its crazy and just asking for a spill. But the whole experience seemed to imply strongly that they didn't want anyone hanging around to, you know, eat their food.

The name of this establishment? "Family Affair".

I'm pretty sure that place is a front.

Election Fever: the Recovery

2010-11-06T10:14:00.003-04:00

We had an election this week. An election which proceeded normally by most measures, and was strange by others. We knew from lunch time on 1/20/2009 that the President's party was going to lose seats in the midterms, we just didn't know how many.

If you had told me a year ago (or 6 months ago, or whenever), that the Republicans would win 60+ seats, I would have thought it possible. If you had told me that Harry Reid would be reelected to his Senate seat, I would be skeptical, but allowed that it, too, was possible. Now, if you had told me that both of these things would happen on the same day, I would have thought you were nuts. I would have gladly taken your money and given you good odds against it, and today I would be much lighter in the wallet as a result of my hubris. The only consolation I take is knowing that I wouldn't be the only prognosticator who would have been so very wrong.

There were a few things that salvaged this from being a complete fucking disaster. Thankfully, Sharron Angle was defeated. I'm also thankful that O'Donnell was defeated, but that was a sure thing, while Angle looked to be on her way to Washington. And that wouldn't have been good, because Sharron Angle is a crazy person.

Let me say that again, because it brings a certain type of catharsis: Sharron Angle is a crazy person.

In my own home state we cut our typical, slightly right of center swath through a series of ballot measures. No (legal) pot parties for now. No taxes to pay for state parks. No new taxes at all actually. But at the same time our voters were clearheaded enough to see through a ballot measure which I'm pretty sure was written on the Koch family stationary, and we also introduced a mild bit of sanity into our government with the passage of prop 25. So overall I'd give us a B-, thought I fear that we've just kicked the can down the road again, and we are running out of road.

There was a lot to be upset about, but I wasn't. Truth be told, there was only one thing which really got on my nerves. Not the outcome. Not the endless, boring analysis and hand wringing from the chattering class, which appears to be the only growth industry in America right now.

No, the thing which really got me steamed was a segment on ABC nightly news (I know, I know) the day after, talking about soon to be Speaker Boehner. The soft focus was in full effect, and they opened the piece with a "But who is this new man, chosen to lead the House?"

John Boehner has been in Congress for twenty goddamn years. He was already Majority Leader, and he has been Minority Leader for 4 years. There isn't a big mystery here. But, sadly, there is. Because I soon realized that most of the people watching this segment were probably getting introduced to the Tan Man for the first time ever, and it made me feel sad. And angry. And pasty.

Its not even about Boehner. I don't loathe him a tenth as much as I loathe many of his minions, soon free to roam the House at will and sit in the big boy chairs. Bachmann. Barton. Issa. King. The other King, who has the same name and looks a lot like the other, other King but isn't him. Boehner is downright lovable by comparison. But the Boehner piece made me realize that if people can't even be bothered to learn who he is, what chance do the rest of them have of being exposed as the monsters they are?

Meat and Potatoes

2010-11-04T23:01:00.001-04:00

There's a new show on Food Network, called "Meat and Potatoes".

I actually watched (sort of) what I think is the first episode of it. I say sort of because I had it on the TV with no sound, looking over intermittently while working on the computer. From what I could tell, the show involves one shot of meats in various forms after another. First there was some grilled chicken. Then some steaks. Then some ribs. Then what looked like rack of lamb. All these foodstuffs seemed to be added, one by one, onto a platter over the course of the show. At one point there was some sauce. There was also some bald guy who occasionally took a bite of the various cooked meats on display. There was a short

From my brief, muted viewing of the show, "Meat and Potatoes" looks tasty, especially since it looks heavy on the former and light on the latter. But I'm not sure I see the point. It looked like an even more generic version of "Triple D" or something like that. Most of the travel/food shows showcase things that are interesting or unique: giant food, crazy food, "The Best Thing I Ever Ate", etc. This didn't seem to have any particular angle, at least that I could discern without the sound.

Oh well. I doubt I'll watch again, especially since the next episode is likely to balance things out with a heavy dose of spuds.

Just in Time!

2010-11-04T14:19:00.000-04:00

Today in the mail I got a magazine style bit of campaign literature. It outlines all the ways in which Jerry Brown is the devil incarnate, and all the ways in which Meg Whitman would be the best thing to happen to California since the founding of In-n-Out. It looks fairly well put together and must have cost a pretty penny to create and mail out to millions of potential voters. No doubt it was paid for out of the record setting $190 million dollars Whitman spent on here own campaign, the most private money spent by any candidate for any office ever in history.

The election was two days ago.

I'm an absentee voter, so my ballot was filled out two weeks ago.

Maybe next time spend enough money to mail out your campaign pitch to people while they still have time to vote. Mailing it early might not change anyone's mind, but I can guarantee that this magazine can't possibly effect my vote now.

A plea

2010-11-03T23:10:00.000-04:00

Tonight's Chalie Rose featured two brilliant sages offering their insights on the election: David Brooks and Chris Mathews.

Shoot me. Right in the head.

Fine Wine?

2010-10-31T23:40:00.002-04:00

I've noticed an odd new marketing trend which has popped up a lot in recent weeks. I keep getting and/or seeing offers for bulk wine purchase at supposedly huge discounts. I've gotten at least two such offers from my credit card companies, one in the mail, one with a magazine I subscribe to, and I've even seen a variation offered on Groupon.

The basic setup is you get 12 bottles for around $60, plus tax and about $20 for shipping. So all in you pay around $85-90. Divide that by 12 and you're paying about $7 a bottle for wine. I think a few of them may have cost a little more, but in general it totals to under $100. And each of these "deals" is advertised as giving you a savings of around $100, since the supposed retail price is $150+.

Whether this is a deal you are interested in depends on your consumption of and taste in wine. I haven't yet taken advantage of it, but that could change. But what's really interesting to me is why all these "wine clubs" seem to have sprung up in the last few months. Is there a glut of unsold wine which dealers are eager to get rid of? Are inventories really so high? I suppose it possible, if wine consumption has gone down with the economy. Wine doesn't necessarily go bad, at least not quickly, but it does take up space and eventually you have to move product. It would make sense as the driving force behind all these "clubs" and deals.

Looking at another issue, is there really so much profit margin built into the wine business that they can cut their prices in half and still be economically viable? And are all these supposedly independent wine clubs actually being run by the same distributors? I mean, I seriously doubt that the New York Times has gotten into the wine selling business, they probably are just putting their name on it and taking a cut. So what's the story?

Random NFL fact of the day

2010-10-28T22:47:00.000-04:00

I just realized something: each of the last 3 years, the Browns have defeated the defending Super Bowl Champions.

Last week they beat the Saints.

In 2009 they beat the Steelers.

In 2008 they beat the Giants.

They didn't play the Colts in 2007. Which is probably good for the Colts.

Not sure what this means. Maybe its just coincidence. Maybe its some neat factoid about parity in the NFL.

Maybe I think about football too much.

Sisyphus 2010

2010-10-28T21:57:00.000-04:00

I've never worked with photoshop, but since we are headed for a long off season I figured I might as well give it a try. Behold, the mind of a nerdy football fanatic!

Schadenfootball

2010-10-18T17:10:00.000-04:00

Things are bad right now for the Bolts. Real bad, and looking to get worse. But as bad as they are, at least we can always rely on the suffering of others to cheer us up. Bless the 1-5 Cowboys and their hilarious screwups for bringing a glimmer of joy to our hearts.

Tea for Me, no Tea for You

2010-09-30T22:01:00.000-04:00

"A hall full of elderly white people in Medicare-paid scooters, railing against government spending and imagining themselves revolutionaries as they cheer on the vice-presidential puppet hand-picked by the GOP establishment. If there exists a better snapshot of everything the Tea Party represents, I can't imagine it. "
While this isn't the most comprehensive or groundbreaking article on the so called Tea Party movement, Matt Taibbi does hit on some great points in tracing its evolution and current status.

I'm not sure what would be more infuriating: if these people get what they say they want, or if they don't. I wonder if they would even know the difference.

Badvertising: Junk vs Junk

2010-09-30T21:49:00.000-04:00

Americans eat crap. And we eat a lot of it. And so do our kids, and as a result a lot of them are overweight and develop poor eating habits which affect their health for the rest of their lives. This is a serious issue, which needs to be addressed in serious and honest ways and with adjustments to our public policy, much of which actually fuels the problem with

But ads like this aren't the answer. Sure, its entertaining and sick and engaging on a gut level. I wondered, I cringed, I laughed. But it doesn't get the right message across, and its extreme to the point of self parody, which pretty much kills any power it might have had to sway the diet choices of its viewers.

Cheeseburgers are not heroin. They aren't the healthiest thing in the world, but they sure as hell aren't heroin. It would have been better to play up positive food choices, or to focus attention on educating people on why things like HFCS are unhealthy, or what the role of moderation in diet choices. Instead we get this admittedly shocking but ultimately empty and feckless ad.

Half Full, Half Empty

2010-09-21T15:41:00.004-04:00

Two games into the season, its time for some snap judgements! The optimist in me sees big things ahead, while the pessimist in me is grumbling over another tumbler of scotch.

Empty: Ryan Mathews is averaging a fumble a game. He's Adrian Peterson without the production.
Full: Its only because his enormous muscles make it hard for him to secure the ball.

Full: Ryan Mathews apparently has magical healing abilities.
Empty: If he's so tough, why did he get hurt in the first place?

Empty: We're gonna trade VJ to the Vikes, who will then beat us in the Super Bowl on a TD he scores.
Full: At least we'll get their draft picks in a draft which probably won't happen.

Full: No punt coverage breakdowns this week.
Empty: No need for coverage when the punt is blocked.

Full: Ryan Mathews respects his elders.
Empty: Calling him "Coach Norv"? Come on kid, that's just wrong.

Full: We are strongly favored against the Seahawks.
Empty: An incredibly loud stadium in an place where it rains 90% of the time. Sound familiar?

Full: Antoine Cason is playing great and is also a great interview.
Empty: Mathematically, compared to Cro, there's a far lower chance he will produce a talented offspring.

Empty: The506.com has apparently gone away, so we don't have our coverage maps.
Full: "The game is blacked out". What else do you need to know?

Empty: The Chiefs are currently in first place.
Full: The Chiefs are currently in first place.

A goo by any other name...

2010-09-14T17:21:00.000-04:00

Apparently those really awful PR commercials didn't do the trick. Despite all the money spent by America's Corn Refiners, people just don't seem to like High Fructose Corn Syrup. Wait, scratch that. America LOVES HFCS, but for some reason they don't like its name. Which is totally bogus, given that its made up of 4 words which are, at worst, neutral, and at best really great (who doesn't love syrup?)

But faced with a fat and hateful public, our patriotic corn syrup makers have decided to face the music and change things. No, they won't be halting production on our blessed obesity sludge. Nor will they be tweaking the formula to make it healthier. They've done the best thing of all: given it a new name!

Behold, CORN SUGAR!

Its sugar! Made from corn! Which is healthy (sort of, but not really this particular kind of corn).

So rest easy and eat up America. No more harmful fructose syrup for us. Just good old fashion corn sugar, like Squanto taught the Pilgrims how to grow.

A lot of Blue Hokie

2010-09-07T22:26:00.000-04:00

College football fans, I beg of you: can we please stop the BCS debate circle jerk for 5 freaking seconds and just enjoy the fact that its football season? Is it possible for us to just reflect and enjoy the spectacle that was Boise State vs. Virginia Tech for what it was, and not try to weigh it down with a lot meaningless baggage? Its bad enough that ESPN was and is shoving the narrative down our throats constantly. But we all know that ESPN and the whole sports media is filled with soulless, brainless hacks and hype makers. So I implore you, ignore the sound machine and enjoy the ride.

Here's what happened last night: two good football teams beat the shit out of each other for our amusement. It was a glorious thing to behold, and a worthy candidate for inclusion high on a list of reasons to love college football (or sports in general). Enjoy it, because its a great thing and a great way to kick off the football season, which I shouldn't have to remind you is a marathon, not a sprint. Maybe Boise stumbles, maybe they run the table, maybe they do or don't "deserve" a shot at the big one. All I know is that I'm gonna focus on the games this Saturday instead of gnashing my teeth over a hypothetical game next year.

Other random thoughts from the game:

-Kellen Moore has one goofy throwing motion, but damned if he doesn't get the ball where it has to go.

-Tyrod Taylor looks like he's growing into his potential, and its gonna be fun to watch what he can do in the ACC this year.

-I was lukewarm about the new uniforms that Nike designed for both teams, with the exception of the Tech helmets, which were bad ass. Reminds me of a motorcycle helmet from Sons of Anarchy.

-I realized that my observations sound a little PKish. I apologize.

Badvertising: Sunday NFL Countdown (featuring a special guest apperance)

2010-09-07T20:19:00.003-04:00

This is a weird one, because its a great bad commercial.

Philip Rivers has 5 young children. As trying as that must be for parents early on a weekend morning, I guarantee its better than having to babysit for these guys.

This is not a great commercial, because it doesn't make me actually want to watch Sunday Countdown. Its a great bad commercial, because it accurately distills why its such an unwatchable, soul-grating program. That look on Rivers's face at the end is perfect. Spending your Sunday morning with these moronic, braying chuckleheads would be agony, especially since you know you are just hours from the blessed glow of watching actual football being played.

There is one good line in this spot, which rings partially true because, despite his great movement in the pocket, Rivers does run like a goofy kid wearing snowshoes.

I'm also curious about whether that's his lucky jersey shirt that he wears the night before a game. I always figured he wore his piggy wiggly shirt for good luck.

I DEMAND that we have fun!

2010-09-02T09:12:00.002-04:00

Now I want a snack!

Quote of the day: HST returns

2010-09-01T18:04:00.000-04:00

              "There is nothing supernatural about it, but I have seen it happen over and over. Football fans share a universal language that cuts across many cultures and many personality types. A serious football fan is never alone. We are legion, and Football is often the only thing we have in common. We recognize each other instantly, even if we have to speak in sign language. No doubt it has something to do with the gambling instinct, which is also universal.

              The next time you find yourself in need of conversation in some backwoods foreign airport, as I have from time to time, take this tip and look around for the nearest public TV set that is tuned to a football game. That will be your oasis, no matter how long your layover may. You will get your questions answered."

                                                                                                                       -HST

Another piece of wisdom from the always quotable Dr. Thompson.

Quote of the day

2010-08-31T16:04:00.000-04:00

"In any case, I have watched football games from every angle from the sideline in Oakland and the huddle in Frankfort, Ky., to the top row of the Superdome in New Orleans and the press box in Washington -- I have watched them in Kezar Stadium and from the deck of a big sailing yacht 500 miles south of Bermuda with naked women lolling around -- and I can tell you for sure that the best seat in any house is right in front of a high-end TV set with a few good friends who know football and like to see green money moving around the room. That is how it should be done. Selah."

-Hunter S. Thompson

It's almost here.

The Rites (and Wrongs) of Autumn

2010-08-26T16:22:00.014-04:00

      The mercury is ever so slowly creeping downward. Each day is a bit shorter. The leaves are starting to turn. The change of the seasons brings many things: numbing cold, work, holidays with family, the end of sitting in the sun and drinking to your hearts content. But the trade-off for all these things is the return of my favorite institution: The National Football League!

      No other sports league brings me such joy and heartache. Baseball is fun, and basketball and soccer can be a nice enough distractions during the off season, but nothing tops the excitement that the NFL brings to my life. Football is my favorite sport, and the way I know that is the "reason test". Its simple: for any other sport, I need a reason to watch. Doesn't have to be a good reason: my favorite team is playing, some player I like is in the game, a record could be broken, its the playoffs or a championship match. I'll watch curling if a gold medal is on the line. But I always need something to draw me in, otherwise I won't really care enough to sit down and watch.

     But football is the exception. I need no reason. Pro, college, high school, whatever you got, I'll watch it, and I'll love it. And of all these levels, the NFL is my favorite. So in anticipation of another great season, I've endeavored to talk about some of the things that I love and hate about professional football. The positive things that make being a fan more enjoyable, and the negative factors which seek to suck the joy from this wonderful game of ours. Just for semi-clarity's sake, positive things will get a fun little positive note, while negative things will get a bad note, and the extent of the note will be a pseudo gauge of my feelings about that thing. For example, something marked "Touchdown" will be better than something marked "Field Goal". Obviously. And everything is colorized for your eye straining convenience! So let's make a like a fullback on the goal line and plunge right in!

Touchdown: The Pure, Irrational Optimism

      Quick question: what are the odds that your favorite team will win the Super Bowl this year?

      If every team had equal chance, it would be 1/32, or 3.15%. How's that for a splash of cold reality on your dreams for a Super Bowl road trip?

      But we all know that these probabilities aren't evenly distributed, so what if you actually happen to be a fan of a team which doesn't totally suck and may even be considered a favorite to win it all? Well according to Vegas, the best odds you can get right now is 7 to 1 for the Colts. 7-1!   14.2%! Those are the absolute best odds you can get. Granted these are betting odds, so there is a natural house advantage built in, but it can't be that much of a difference. The Pats are at 10-1. Think about that: the team with the best coach in the NFL, with a 3 time Super Bowl winning, Hall of Fame bound QB, a team which came within 30 seconds and a prayer of going 19-0 a few years ago, has a 10% chance of winning it all this year. And they have some of the best odds in the league! (Side note: this totally blows up Simmons's new "thesis" about why Fantasy Football isn't good, since the odds of winning any given league are way better than the odds of your team winning the Lombardi trophy.)

Looking at these percentages, any rational person would realize that this is a fools game and tone down their expectations for the upcoming season.

And yet...

"SUPER BOWL HERE WE COME WOOOO!!!1!1!!"

      Its incredible, irrational, and glorious. I'd say that in every division there are an average of 3 teams which have fanbases which can legitimately hope for great things this year. Even teams in bad divisions like the NFC West have a chance, since they're in a bad division! All you have to do is outperform the other three loser teams in your loser division and you can reach the postseason. Maybe you know that the Big Game is a longshot, but certainly things are looking up, right? Its so easy to buy into your team's chances, because no one really knows anything until the games are played:

      "We got a new (coach/qb/big name free agent) who's looking great so far in camp. So-and-so is due for a comeback, and we had such bad injury luck last year, plus did you see this great rookie class we drafted! I'm sure that with a break or two we can take this division, and then who knows? I mean, hell, the Cardinals went 9-7 in the shitty NFC west a few years ago and then came within a minute of winning the whole thing. That could be us! This is our year!"

     One the the best things about the NFL is that it spreads the hope around so well. In MLB, there are only a few teams who really have a shot each year. Maybe you'll get one surprise team which will make a run and get into the playoffs, but realistically you can pick out the contenders very quickly. Basketball is even worse: they'll be 4-6 teams who will compete for a title, and everyone else is just window dressing.

      But the NFL, the wondrous NFL! Football has so many variables working which can tilt things your way on any given Sunday. Parity. Injuries. Wild cards. Wildcats. Turnovers. Ed Hochuli. Key matchups which change every week. Weather. Pure dumb luck. Combine this uncertainty with the tiny sample size of an NFL season, and almost anything is possible. You can do it with offense, you can do it with defense, you can do it with ancient tactics or far out formations. Whatever your method, the goal is simple: find a way to win just a few more games and get into the tournament, where anything can happen.

      Every year there's surprise teams in the NFL, and more importantly there is a natural ebb and flow of teams moving up and down each year. The 09 Giants missed the playoffs, one year after going 13-3, which came one year after going 10-6 and winning the whole thing. What will they do this year? No one has a clue, just like no one has a clue about how any team will finish. Last year's 6-10 could easily be this year's 10-6, and vice versa. And really that's all it takes to go from chumps to champs.

4 game suspension for substance abuse: Being one of the few teams that have no real hope

I've been pretty lucky as a fan, because my team has never really been a cellar dweller for a long period of time. Which if why my heart goes out to the die hards who stick by their inept shitshows of a team despite not having much, if anything, to hope for. Sure, some teams make the leap. The Dolphins went from 1-15 to 11-5 in one year. But realistically, those are the outliers, and we all know that some teams are just not gonna have a very fun year. The worst part of that must be actually getting worked up for the year, an exercise involving all sorts of self delusion and mental gymnastics, and then having your dreams crushed by brutal reality two games into the season. Fans of Cleveland, St. Louis, Detroit and other doomed squads, I salute you. When winning 6 games would be a borderline miracle, you gotta be a true fan to stick it out. And I'm sure booze helps a lot.

The Timeless Baritone of John Facenda: NFL Films

Glorious NFL Films, the Homer of the NFL. Recording and telling the stories of the players, coaches, games and seasons which make up history of professional football. They've won 97 Sports Emmys (and counting), and its a haul that's well deserved.

NFL films does the game and its fans a great service, by bringing us closer than we could ever get otherwise. Miked up players, yearbooks, documentaries, Sound FX, Game of the Week, America's Game, all these things show us a side of the game that we can't see on a regular TV broadcast or even watching the game in person. In this age of Madden and Fantasy Football, I think we sometimes tend to think of football players as unthinking automatons who just run in preset patterns and rack up numbers. The reality is that this is an imperfect, human game played by imperfect humans who have a wide ranges of personalities, quirks, faults and virtues.

NFL films productions can be moving, insightful, funny, or poetic, but they are always enjoyable. Check out this classic:

I despise the Raiders, but even I can't help but love that clip.

I recent years NFL films has expanded into series like Hard Knocks, which give us an new and entertaining insight into the workings of an NFL team and great moments like this from Rex Ryan:

If you aren't ready to run through a brick wall after that, I don't wanna know you.

10 yard penalty: TV Blackout rules

Unholy god how I hate blackout rules. Fun fact: you know "The Greatest Game Ever Played"? The 1958 NFL championship game between the Giants and Colts, an overtime classic which brought the NFL into the TV age, spawned the creation of the AFL, and was one of the seminal moments in the history of the league? Blacked out!


Instead of this...

...Giants fans got this. Maybe less painful, but still.

No one in New York City, the biggest city and television market in America, home of the fanbase for one of the two teams playing in the game, was able to watch it on TV. Why? Because prior to 1973, all games were blacked out in their city of origin. That's right, the game was sold out, and no one in the New York/New Jersey area was allowed to watch on TV. Can you imagine the lost revenue? Blacking out the biggest media market for a championship game that the local team is playing in, on a holiday when people will be home to watch? Its fucking ludicrous! This policy was in place for 15 more years, and it only changed because Congress got involved. That's right, it took Congress to tell these guys "hey, you're throwing money down the toilet and alienating your customers at the same time". I thought NFL owners were supposedly sharp businessmen, but sometimes you have to wonder.

Which brings us to today. Now we have a blackout policy which requires the team to sell out 72 hours ahead of time in order to have the game shown locally. I understand the rationale, but in a lot of cases I just have to wonder at the economic sense. If you get to 95% capacity, are you really coming out ahead by shutting out the rest of your fanbase, the people who may be die hard supporters but might not have the means to attend a game in person? And how are you supposed to attract and retain fans (aka customers) if you decide not to show them any of your product? I think this is especially true for kids, who tend to be branded as fans of a team, and the NFL in general, at a young age. Are teams like the Jags really better off with having a lot of their games blacked out? Wouldn't it have served them better to show them and hopefully build up the fan base? Given that the majority of the audience watches on TV, and the majority of NFL revenue comes from TV, why be such hardasses about a few unsold nosebleed seats?

Earning an Ugly Yellow Jacket: The NFL Hall of Fame

         We all know that the Hall of Fame game is a crock. Its an extra, unnecessary preseason game forced on two unlucky teams, where the starters might play just long enough to get a grass stain or two. As the kickoff to a season, its a total cock tease. But have you ever been to the Hall of Fame itself? Fantastic! My persona is equal parts nerd and football fan, and Canton lies right at the intersection of those two traits.

         They have everything there, all sorts of great artifacts from the game which you can geek out about. Look, Red Grange's sweaty undershirt! And there's the cuff links that Paul Hornung wore the night he bagged two cocktail waitresses in Chicago after playing the Bears! Check it out, the steering wheel from Nate Newton's Weedmobile! They also have all the Lombardi Trophy and a collection of every Super Bowl Ring, which is a great reminder that for all the supposed toughness and machismo in football, what these guys are really killing each other for all season long is the chance to own a piece of jewelry so gaudy it could wake Liberace from the grave.

         But without a doubt the best thing about Canton is this movie they show. Its in this little theatre with a giant screen and mega speakers and it takes you inside the game NFL Films style. You start in the locker room, then run out the tunnel, and then its like 10 minutes of up close, pulse pounding, bone crushing football action, all set to a booming rock soundtrack. My only thought upon its completion was "I wanna watch that again!" and I wasn't alone. Imagine if Avatar was a short, NFL based film and didn't totally blow, and you start to get the idea. Great stuff.

First Down: PFT, Jay Glazer, John Clayton, and the handful of media who don't totally suck

Its amazing how bad the traditional media is at covering the most popular sport in America. I'm not expecting Rice or W.C. Heinz, but most of the sportswriters and reporters in this country are worthless. I suppose it makes some sense, given how many teams there are and how many players, coaches, and interesting story lines each team represents. It would be impossible to be on top of every potential story. Add to that the fact that so many in the media aren't journalists by trade but retired athletes and coaches and the ones who aren't are often old hacks like Berman and its a recipe for a piss poor sports media.
Which is why guys like Glazer are such a godsend. I don't care if he gets his info because he does MMA training with half the league, his stuff is accurate and timely and interesting. PFT is a simple but awesome idea which has become an invaluable resource, despite the fact that its run by an insufferable moron like Florio.

4 Yard rush on 1st down: Simmons and TMQ

I confess, I read both of their columns. Both writers are shortsighted, hypocritical, biased, and way overconfident in their very limited grasp of actual football strategy and knowledge. They also seem to be in a contest to see who can waste the most words every week saying nothing at all. Both have been chided repeatedly and deservedly so for their shortcomings as writers and analysts.
And yet, every week I find myself at least skimming their columns. And every week I come away with at least one laugh or one entertaining tidbit from their work. And I respect the fact that they try to do their own thing, instead of churning out more boring AP style sports writing or embracing hackneyed glurge like Reilly.

15 yard penalty: Direct TV's NFL ticket monopoly

Attention owners: I WILL BUY NFL TICKET IF YOU WOULD ONLY LET ME! I'll pay for individual games pay per view style. I'll buy the whole season. I'll do whatever you ask. But I'm not able to currently buy Direct TV, which means I'm totally SOL when it comes to this. Let me say that again: I'M TRYING TO GIVE YOU MY MONEY! WHY WON'T YOU TAKE IT!?! As much as I hate to agree with Greggggggg Easterbrook, he's right on this issue: why should we shell out public dollars for NFL stadiums, when the NFL will turn right around and screw the public by blocking them from purchasing the ability to actually watch NFL games? If you want to whore yourselves out to DirectTV, that's fine, but don't take our money with one hand and then give us the bird with the other.

Field Goal: Finding a good local beat reporter/fan blog

A true godsend, especially if you have a team which is typically off the national radar (read: located on the West coast, not a perennial Super Bowl contender, not Quarterbacked by a guy named Favre, Manning or Brady). A good beat reporter will be your best source of team specific info and tidbits. My own team's scribe is the dedicated and talented Kevin Acee of the Union Tribune, a guy who combines old school journalism quality with new technologies like Twitter and Youtube in an effort to reach out to fans. He's pro-Charger but also honest and objective, and not afraid to predict a loss or call out someone for over the top homerism or unrealistic ideas. A good team blog can also be a great resource which connects fans and can be a great place for intelligent discussion and analysis, and oasis in the intellectual desert that is the Internet.

False start: The TV announcers/studio crews

Like many football fans, I've hit a catch-22. I hate 95% of TV announcers and color guys. Most are either dumb, ignorant of basic NFL facts, unimaginative, bland, blind to what's happening on the field, set on brown nosing egotistical jerks like Favre while ignoring every other player, or some combination from this buffet of obnoxiousness. Michaels and Collinsworth can be tolerable, though Cris tends to get latched onto certain memes and never let them go (last year it was 40 times). Most of the other crews range from mediocre to insufferable, and its extra rough because most of the time they aren't even much fun to rip on. And why does every TV network need 6+ people for their studio shows!?!
Why not just turn off the volume? There's the catch-22. For whatever reason, I need sound when watching the game. Maybe its conditioning, or something primal, or whatever, but I at least need some background noise or things don't feel right. So with that fact in mind, I grudgingly accept that announcers, bad as they are, are part of the game. But I don't have to like it.

Power Sweep for Six: Good Radio Announcers

This is the flip side of the TV announcer problem. Good radio announcers are wonderful and can greatly enhance enjoyment of the game. They actually know the teams they work for and can tell you about each player. They're often biased towards their employers but usually fair and allowed to express real emotions in their calls, which is great because football is such a dramatic game that it requires passion at times. There's a reason that NFL.com and NFL films use the radio calls when they put together their highlight reels instead of the TV announcers. Finally, you get to know you're team's announcers and their quirks, so you don't mind if they have some fun or take risks on the broadcasts and aren't always perfect. My team has a great pair of announcers, here's hoping yours does too. And Marv Albert does a great job calling MNF games, way better than those chucklemonkeys on ESPN.

Touchdown: KSK/Deadspin

A goldmine of comedic delights. Football's just a game, and oftentimes it can be a pretty bland game played by bland meatheads, but sites like KSK bring the game to life in fun ways all year round. Whether it's reminding us of the joy which can come only from pure, unadulterated hatred or introducing us to the wacky and insane characters (both real and fictional) which populate the league, its required daily reading for me. Deadspin makes the list for both spawning KSK and the irreplaceable Thursday Jamberoos during the season, to which this post is a small homage.

One year suspension: The CBA situation (or more fun with Greedy fucking owners)

Notice a recurring theme? I understand that football is a business and you've got to make money and all that, but come on. Opting out of the CBA? Leaving tons of players in the lurch for this season. Basically leaving the entire 2011 season hanging by a thread, at a time when football has never been more popular or more profitable? How much is enough? Haven't the salary cap and current structure been good to all of you? Hasn't it been great for the league? Don't you get fancy new stadiums which are heavily subsidized by the public, despite their questionable economic benefits? Aren't the vast majority of your games sold out, despite the poor fortunes of many teams and the severity of the economic recession for your fanbase? Is this not the NFL's gilded age? How much is enough for your vultures? Can't you just be content with making hundreds of millions of dollars a year and leave us our football in peace?

The worst part is that you're already planning the 18 game season for 2012, and you won't even ensure us that they'll be a season in 2011! You greedy, egotistical assholes can all get bent!

50 yard completion: NFL Networks highlight show

I don't know how they do it. It shouldn't be this good. They took some rejects who couldn't cut it on ESPN or any of the major networks, stuck them on a channel which almost no one in America gets, let them babble on aimlessly over game highlights, and goddamn if it isn't the best recap show on television. Or, in my case, on the Internet. Every Monday during the season I check out their recap of each game, just because its entertaining.

Maybe its the freedom they have. Maybe they just have some magic chemistry which can't really be defined. Or maybe I just love how they take such joy in their own silliness:

Whatever it is, I love it, and its one of those things that makes the NFL fun.

Joe Theismann style compound fracture: Players getting hurt in the Preseason

Is there anything worse (besides greedy fucking owners, who are part of this problem too)? You wait an entire grueling offseason to get back to football. Sometimes more, because maybe last season ended early because of injury. Maybe its a new rookie who's waited his whole life in giddy anticipation of playing on the biggest stage. Maybe its a player just entering his prime, or an older guy eager to show that he still has it. This is our year, we finally have the pieces in place, its Super Bowl or Bust!!!!

And then... oof!

Football is cruel and random enough, but to lose a guy in a meaningless preseason game is a gut punch worthy of the Book of Job. Especially when its a marquee player who a team is built around, who is now out for the year or a good part of it. On rare occasion it will give a guy like Kurt Warner a chance to step up and have a storybook season, but for every one of those there are 100 situations where a team basically has to flush away their season before it even begins. Brutal.

Broken play for a 35 yard TD scramble: Fantasy Football

Long did I resist the siren call of fantasy football. I had my reasons, some of them mildly coherent. Unlike baseball, which is basically just a contest to put together the best statistical squad anyway, football is a team game, where no success is truly individual and where efforts for big numbers must often be subjugated for the greater good. I was a purist, someone who valued team over individual and cared about one statistic alone: wins and losses. Fantasy Football was just the opposite, a heretical game which values raw numbers with no regard for overall outcomes. As the Bible says: "what does it profit a man if he passes for 412 yards and 3 scores but loses the game?" (I may be paraphrasing a bit). Add to this cantankerousness my bias as a former lineman, one of the guys in the pit who decide the outcome but get all the blame and none of the glory, and you can understand my hostility towards gridiron rotisserie games.

But having played it for a few years, its actually pretty fun. It makes you have a deep rooting interest in games which you otherwise wouldn't care about, and its a lot cheaper and less destructive than becoming a degenerate gambler (not that the two can't coexist). Winning and losing in fantasy can be even more stressful, agonizing, and glorious than cheering on your favorite team, since there's a real sense of ownership. Your fantasy team is your own creation, and its success or failures fall on you. And its one of the few things in life where you know if you screwed up or not. When you add, cut, trade, start or sit players, you can know exactly how they performed, and if you made the right move or not. Few things in life have that much clarity.

And of course, last but never least: Eatin and Drinkin!

Gotta have it. Stuffing yourself with unnatural food and copious amounts of alcohol is crucial to the full enjoyment of this beautiful game of ours. Tailgating. BBQs. Chips, dips, spreads and salsas. Beer. Wine. Whiskey. Margaritas. Chili. Fries. Chili Fries. Chili Cheese Fries. Nachos. Tacos. BACON!

And don't forget something for your lovely spouse or significant other, the person who indulges your vices and shares the ups and downs of NFL fandom with you:

Bacon Bouquet: when you care you send the best!

The best relationships are built on bacon, booze and football. May this season bring you plenty of all three.

Enjoy the games everyone!

Ya think?

2010-08-12T21:11:00.003-04:00

Quote of the day: "He asked me to marry him way too early. And he wasn't divorced yet. I should have known there was a problem."

-Marianne Gingrich, 2nd wife of Newt Gingrich, in this month's Esquire

I always knew Newt was a scumbag, but hearing it from (one) of his ex-wives really puts a face on his hypocritical evil. I swear with every fiber of my being that I'll do whatever necessary to keep that man out of the White House.

Babysitter of the future

2010-07-21T19:31:00.005-04:00

Its the babysitting solution of every parent's dreams!

No more having to shell out for some snotty teenager who will probably spend the whole night eating your food and messing up your TIVO settings. No more longing for lazy ass scientists to invent a reliable robot nanny. No more begging family and neighbors to watch your kid (and making promises to watch theirs in return) while you head out to catch a movie and some badly needed cocktails.

The baby is happy, fed, and safe. Its not going anywhere in that thing, and choking isn't an issue.

Brilliant! Though I wouldn't recommend prolonged use. And you probably shouldn't put it on your best chairs in the living room like this couple did. I recommend a tarp.

Knockout remix

2010-06-25T09:59:00.003-04:00

Ok, so stupid FIFA with their stupid copyright has blocked the first video I put up of the Donovan goal. Fascists! Don't they know that The Beautiful Game belongs to all of the world's people?

But here's an even more exciting version of the goal.

I actually had the Spanish language ESPN on for the goal due to browser problems at around the 80th minute, but even they weren't this excited. Radio takes special talent to both show and tell.

Knocking down the door to the Knockout round

2010-06-23T21:38:00.003-04:00

GOOOOOAAAAALLLLLLL!!!!!!

What a long strange trip its been, following this team through the CONCACAF qualifying, Confed cup, and through 3 excruciating group round games. I've watched enough soccer in my life to know that we were all but dead in the water, at 0-0, about to suffer the indignity of being unbeaten and still going home early. We would have had justification to piss and moan about the refs for the next 4 years, but that's all history now. Ghana on Saturday, and only 4 wins from the hardware.

This was a man

2010-06-05T00:32:00.007-04:00

Coach John Wooden went home tonight. There will be a ton of stories and retrospectives on his life and work, most of which will be better than mine, but I still wanted to add my short memorial.

I never got to see Wooden coach, as he had retired long before my time. I never met the man despite sharing a city with him my whole life. I never even really played the sport at which he was such an amazing talent and had unmatched success as a coach. And yet he did touch my life in some small way.

Like most who have played sports, I've read his seminal book, Wooden, and tried to glean whatever I could from it. I wish I could say that he's inspired me to be a great person and succeed both on and off the field of play, but that wouldn't be accurate. To be sure, I've tried many times to follow his advice, but I've always fallen short.

Despite this, his words stick with me. I can still quote a lot of it from memory. I read from his book when I was asked to lead prayer in school. One of my favorite passages has nothing to do with basketball, but about appreciating what you have. Wooden tells the story of a graduation at which he got a $2 bill as a present, along with the sage advice that as long as he kept that he would never be broke. Its a simple story but its always stuck with me, as has most of his advice.

At my high school graduation I gave a copy of Wooden to each of my closet friends. Who knows if they ever read them, took the messages to heart, or tossed them at the first convenience, but I'm still glad I gave them out, as I cannot imagine a better gift for a young person.

I already knew of Wooden's passing, but there was one voice I longed to hear tell it. Thankfully, we still have Vin, and as expected he was touching and poignant through the grief of the moment.

I would say Rest in Peace, but I can't imagine a more useless urging. Coach Wooden lived in peace, he'll surely rest just fine.

Badvertising: World Cup

2010-06-04T00:08:00.008-04:00

Its almost World Cup time people!

I know that most Americans don't actually care that much about the actual biggest sporting event in the world (no apologies to the Super Bowl, as much as I love it). Despite the fact that soccer is (was?) the fastest growing sport in America and far more of our youth put on shin guards than shoulder pads, the game suffers at the spectator level. Which may seem odd considering we are undoubtedly the best spectators on the whole damn planet.

Many people blame this on things like the crowding out by other sports, the inferior product that is the MLS, or the simple fact that soccer games have no commercials (a huge oversight).

But I think the problem is pretty simple: poor marketing.

As always, Asia is way ahead of us. The South Koreans, possibly looking to psych out their evil goatee wearing twins to the North who also somehow made the World Cup (honestly, how can a nation sanctioned by every other country in the Solar System be allowed into FIFA?), have come up with probably the most amazing soccer promotion ever.

This isn't the same lame old crap like bringing over a washed up Beckham or painting a bunch of hot naked women in the flags of the participating countries. But I think all will agree that this genius move by the Koreans makes soccer a whole lot more interesting.

A distant second in the World Cup marketing department is a series of interesting and entertaining portraits featuring each participating team. The Swiss picture is my favorite.

Winning the consolation game is yet another overlong, overproduced and overawesome World Cup commercial by Nike.

Look, there's Kobe!

Clean up Crew- A Revolution in Fitness

2010-05-28T20:25:00.006-04:00

I've done it. I've come up with a perfect new workout, which is guaranteed to burn lots of calories and work all the important muscles from head to toe.

Its quite simple.

Step 1: Wait till my gym is close to closing time.

Step 2: Clean up after all the meat heads and clueless morons who are too busy doing their exercises incorrectly to re-rack their weights properly. Put back all the dumbbells laying around on the floor (bonus points if you put them on the right rack!). Put away the plates which are strewn around the room or left on various barbells.

Step 3: Try to resist the urge to come in the next day and hurt anyone you see making a mess in the first place.

I guarantee great results if you stick to this program. And who knows? Maybe the fact that the gym is actually in working order will let someone do some actual productive working out.

Elin's Revenge

2010-05-23T15:38:00.005-04:00

$750 million? Good lord thasalatta money!

I know Tiger is rich, but even that has to put a dent into his formidable fiscal empire. Sure, he'll still be richer than almost everyone else in the world put together, but he obviously does care about money. I doubt he was wearing that Swoosh for his health.

In a way, this may be good for Tiger. I know a lot of people, myself included, wondered what possible motivation Tiger had to make nice and keep busting his ass at golf, given that he had more money than a Walton kid. Maybe losing a good chunk of his party money will encourage him to keep trying to tear up the links with a renewed energy.

P.S. Elin, I know you gotta get paid and get your hair done and buy TYCO with his money, but if you could spare a measly half billion so that the Chargers could build their new Downtown Stadium, the City of San Diego would be forever in your debt. Cause right now they're too much in everyone else's debt to come up with the cash. Thanks.

Wenlock and Mandeville: The Early Years

2010-05-22T00:29:00.003-04:00

Oh Good Gravy. I've found the origin story for our new mascot overlords, spelled out in this happy little video.

It all makes perfect sense now. British people are crazy.

Dumber, Scarier, Crazier

2010-05-19T17:46:00.005-04:00

Behold, your Official Mascots for the Games of the XXX Olympiad:

I'm sure Lord Zeus and Baron Pierre de Coubertin are looking together down from heaven with big drunken smiles of pride at what has become of their beloved games.

These abominations of nature are named Wenlock and Mandeville. Wenlock was named after some forgotten place where they had the Olympics before they were called the Olympics. Mandeville is a hospital.

And lest we forget, mascots are created not just to bring joy into the hearts of children and inspire World Peace and understanding. They also have the most important job of all: bringing in that cold, hard cash. As you might expect, these twin monsters will be showing up not only in your nightmares but will also be featured on shirts, hats, a cartoon series, and lots of other magical worthless crap. My favorite part:

The Cyclops design allows the mascots’ eyes to work as lenses, and digital cameras in the shape of the characters will be available.

What a time to be alive! And just as a reminder, there are not one, but 2 Christmas shopping seasons before the 2012 games. Enjoy!

Random Thought: Running habits

2010-05-05T15:00:00.002-04:00

I try to go running as much as I can. Usually I take a radio or, more commonly, an Ipod so I can listen to music while I exercise. I've developed a habit of wearing whatever musical device I'm wearing on my left arm using an armstrap. I've done this for years.

Lately I've been feeling a little odd running, and I thought maybe it was from my Ipod affecting my movement in one direction. Which is ridiculous when you consider how small it is, but I decided to switch things up and wear it on my right arm.

Bad idea.

It totally messed me up. I was off balance, the cord was all over the place, and it was totally awkward trying to adjust the volume or songs. I felt like I had to learn how to run all over again, and it didn't do much for my running.

Its just amazing how much something can become a habit, to the point that even a relatively small change, just moving it to the other side of my body, could be such a disaster. Its not like I was driving a car on the left side or attempting to write left handed. Its just an Ipod I took on a jog.

Of course, maybe I'm just a spaz.

Feeling a draft (with video!)

2010-04-25T21:06:00.006-04:00

The draft has come and gone, and the Chargers once again managed to defy almost any an all expectations I had about which direction they might go. Even the picks which I did think might happen (Matthews and Thomas), happened far earlier and later than I would have expected.

Its a funny thing about the draft. Every year there are 252 players chosen, and many many more who are signed as UFDAs. Every year we look over these players, their numbers, their stats, game film, interviews and DNA sequencing, trying to figure out who will boom and who will bust. Every year we talk ourselves into how great it would be to have certain players, usually far, far more than your team could draft even with a dozen first round picks.

And then as soon as the draft is over and your team's picks are known, you immediate have to delude yourself into thinking that these players are the only ones who will pan out. Those other guys who you were drooling over last week? Busts, every last one of them. Too slow, too small, too soft, too lazy, too dumb, too many baby-mommas. Not like our new guys, who are all pro-bowl bound.

So lets take a look at the new Chargers and how they fit into our Super Bowl plans.

Ryan Mathews, RB, Fresno State

I've already made my feelings on Mathews known in a previous post. The general consensus seems to be that the Chargers gave up too much to go get Matthews, but in reality he never would have gotten down to 28. The Seahawks were rumored to want him at 14, so the move to 12 makes sense. Even though the trade seems extreme, when you actually look at the point values its not.

Let's look at the trade.

The Chargers get:

#12 – 1200 points
#110 – 74
#173 – 23.2

#28 – 660
#40 – 500
#126 – 46

And Tim Dobbins, who wasn't going to make the team anyway according to Kevin Acee. So in terms of draft picks, the Chargers actually came out ahead 90 points, which is the equivalent of a 4th round draft pick. So the real question is, whats the value of Tim Dobbins? He's a good special teamer but he's only ever been a backup for the Chargers, and even if he did make the team this year it would be his last because of his contract situation. What's more important, the Chargers got the player that they did want, one who potentially could do great things for them.

This is the exact same thing that happened with the Eric Weddle trade. Everyone looked at the number of picks, as opposed to the value of the picks, and so what was actually an even trade on the point scale gets criticized needlessly.

There are a lot of videos of Matthews and his highlights, but this one seems to be the most complete. Check out the acceleration, wiggle, and balance.

Donald Butler, ILB, Washington

I hadn't really looked at ILBs prior to the draft, but in hindsight I should have seen this coming. Dobbins was gone either way, and the remaining 3 ILBs are all in the last year of their current contracts. Cooper is 31, so his days as a Charger are likely numbered, and its impossible to back on both Burnett and Siler being retained.

Overall I like the pick. Butler seems like a good football player who is physical and has good instincts, though he does have limitations. He has neither top end speed nor size, but he should fit just fine in the middle of a 3-4. We'll have to wait and see, but I predict he'll be a quick contributor and eventual starter, next year if not this year.

I couldn't find a good video to embed, but here's a video from NFL.com which tells you a little about our new linebacker.

Darrell Stuckey, Saftey, Kansas

Very similar to Butler, in that he has neither elite size nor speed, but he's a great all around player who will knock your ass to the ground. I hadn't really looked at safeties either since there were areas of bigger need, but I think this is another quality pick. He should be able to contribute on special teams both as a returned and a cover guy, and he might be an upgrade at safety over Kevin Ellison. Same type of player, but two steps faster.

He's also very dedicated, to both football and his education.

Cam Thomas, NT, North Carolina

"I'm country strong ... Lift hay, cut grass, pick up motors."

Yes indeed, he's all kinds of strong. Just take a look the film from the Senior bowl. He's number 95, with the light blue UNC helmet, and he makes his living shoving guards into the backfield.

Cam Thomas is a project with a lot of upside but a lot of risk as well. I'm glad the Chargers were able to get him so late in the draft, but whether or not he really is a steal will depend on how well it pans out. Honestly I don't love him as a player at this point. Were I building a defense from scratch I wouldn't start with him. However, the Charger's aren't in that situation. They have one huge need, and that's for a "country strong" space eater. Pretty much the only thing Cam Thomas does is eat space. Seems like a good fit. He's not going to be Warren Sapp, but at 30-35 snaps a game in run situations he can be a great value.

The other thing to love is that he has a huge personality. I've heard him in interviews and Kevin Acee is correct, he's like a more hyper Marcus McNeil. If he sticks around, who knows, maybe there's a Thomas jersey in my future.

Jonathan Crompton, QB, Tennessee

Catfish Crompton. The Crompfish. Oh boy.

We did need a third QB, and I didn't really like our options in the later rounds. So I guess it could be worse. But my immediate reaction upon hearing the pick was to think back to this piece at EDSBS, written last year by a Vols fan in the midst of deep, Crompton caused depression. Yes, he turned it around later and had a pretty good end to his senior year, but he'll always be a catfish to me.

I'll have to defer to Norv on this. As much as we rip on him, there's on thing at which Norv has few equals in this world: developing NFL quarterbacks. If he saw something in this kid that can be molded into a decent backup then I'll trust him.

I'll give him this though, he seems to have a good arm.

However, I have to question using that pick to get him. More value could have been had at almost any other position. To me, this was the biggest wasted pick this year, considering that this is a guy who we all hope never sees the field.

My own personal theory is that AJ needs for the Bolts to have at least two hick QBs on the roster at all times, and since Charlie Whitehurst was gone he had to fill in our quota.

Dedrick Epps, TE, Miami

We needed another tight end, and he was about the only one still left on the board at the end of the 7th round. He seems to be an all around average player. Average size, average speed, average reciever, average blocker. But above average effort, which is always important. I have no expectations of him either way, but if he does turn out to be a decent player I'll be happy with that.

I did manage to find one tape of him making a pretty nice catch.

Other thoughts

We drafted no O-lineman, no receivers, and only one running back. The first two have been addressed with a couple of good UDFA pickups who may pan out, but the last one is still up in the air. We have 4 RBs who will make the roster (Mathews, Sproles, Tolbert and Hester). Who is the 5th? Mason, who we got off waivers? Can Curtis Brinkley come back from his unfortunate gunshot wound last year? Are we waiting for cuts in order to snatch someone up?

I was honestly hoping for and expecting more movement on the RB front. Even though Sproles and Mathews will carry the load during the season, someone needs to take over and handle all the carries during the preseason, and we could always used more competition and depth at a position like RB, where injuries are so common. I'm guessing this will be addressed between now and camp.

Mocking the draft, part 3

2010-04-21T22:50:00.002-04:00

Let's continue our look at possible new running backs for the Chargers. Again, these are in no particular order. We shift to the south.

Jonathan Dwyer, Georgia Tech

His stock has apparently dropped a lot lately, mostly because his 40 time sucked. I could see him as a 3rd or later round pick for the Bolts, but I don't think he's first round material anymore.

On paper Dwyer seems like a solid prospect. Good size, Ok speed, great production. However, it gets really hard to judge that because of the triple option system he was it. How much do you discount for the skew that comes from playing in Paul Johnson's run first, run second, run always offensive set? In that context his production, while solid, has less of a shine. I'm also not sure he gives you much in the passing game, which is something that is vital for the Bolts. I wouldn't be totally shocked to see Dwyer get drafted by the Chargers, but I wouldn't bet on it either. Frankly I think they can get better players in the first two rounds, though he would be a good value in the third should he slip that far.

Ben Tate, Auburn

Tate heads a trio of SEC backs who are all similar in abilities and reputation going into the draft. As much as I hate to admit it, the SEC is a premier conference in terms of NFL quality talent, and any running back who can survive in that meat grinder deserves some draft consideration.

Of the three, I think Tate has the best chance to be a superstar in the NFL. He's a strong runner who still has some good speed and enough size and power to last in the NFL. Tate had strong though not amazing production, and he also contributes in the passing game. Overall I think he has a solid NFL career ahead of him, and I'd be happy to see the bolts take him.

Anthony Dixon, Mississippi State

Our next SEC entry comes in the form of big bad Bulldog Anthony Dixon. Dixon is the power back from the SEC group. Not a ton of speed or explosiveness. Nevertheless, he was very, very productive at Mississippi state. He's the Bulldogs all time leading rusher and won first team all-SEC last year, and he did all that on a team without very much talent surrounding him. I've seen him run and I like it. Hard to tackle, quick to cut and get into the gap, and he always falls forward. He won't turn a 4 yard gain into a 40 yard gain, but he will turn a 1 yard gain into a 4 yard gain. That has value too, and the Chargers could use it.

The downside? Well, he is slow, no getting around that. Is he too slow to make a big impact in the NFL? I honestly don't know. If the bolts grabbed him in the 3rd round or later I'd be glad to risk it.

Montario Hardesty, Tennessee

The last of our SEC trio is probably the biggest question mark. He has an injury history, having his ACL repaired, but it was a few years ago so he seems recovered. Hardesty is a mystery because he wasn't really productive until his fifth and final college season. Part of that is the time he missed with his ACL, and part of it is that Tennessee was downright awful for part of his career. But it still begs the question, why was he a late bloomer who couldn't pass up Arian Foster for significant playing time? He played in a lot of games but almost always as a backup. I've watched some film on Hardesty and, while he doesn't knock me over, he does look like he'll be a solid if unspectacular NFL running back. Not as fast as Tate, not as powerful as Dixon, but he has enough of each that he can run it hard and move the chains. Given the choice between him and Tate, who had similar measurables and production, I'd take Tate, but its not a huge gap.

Realistically I would be happy with any of these three if the price is right. All three have shown they can run the ball with some authority, contribute in the passing game, and have proven themselves against top competition. They probably won't fully replace LT, but they can be good enough to help the Bolts be successful.

That pretty much wraps up the running backs who I suspect the Chargers might take in the first 3 rounds. There are few others who they might take a flyer on, so I'll quickly give my opinions on them.

LaGarrett Blount, Oregon

Boom or Bust. Obviously there are HUGE red flags here concerning his work ethic, attitude, and penchant for sucker puching opponents and getting suspended for most of the year. Upside? He's a human wrecking ball. Not super fast, but he'll run you over and leave his cleat marks all over your corpse (metaphorically, that is). Its a gamble to be sure, but possibly one worth taking in the 5th round or later.

Dexter McCluster, Ole Miss

The second coming of Sproles. Smaller than a kicker but fast as a jackrabbit, and for good reason since most NFL linebackers could probably pick him up with one arm. I think he's a fantastic football player who was very productive against a lot of top defenses in college. One can never predict how transitions like that will go, and even after marveling at Sproles in the NFL we are all aware of his limitations. I don't think McCluster will fall far enough for the Chargers to make a move for him as a possible Sproles replacement.

Lonyae Miller, Fresno State

Lost his staring job to Ryan Matthews, though I'm not sure why since I don't follow the Bulldogs that closely. Seems to have all the measurables (5-11, 220, 4.5) and was fairly productive before losing his job. If he happens to be around when the Chargers pick in the 7th round I wouldn't be shocked if they took a flyer on him as the possible 3rd tailback.

Mocking the draft, part 2

2010-04-21T21:53:00.004-04:00

Ok, I've gotten my annual "don't draft a QB first" rant out of the way.

Now on to more pressing matters: the Chargers' new running back.

By the end of the draft, and possibly within 24 hours of this post, the Chargers will have a new RB on their roster. Putting aside the possibility of a trade, this new player will certainly be drafted, and most likely in the first 3 rounds. I actually suspect that more than one will be drafted, but such things are hard to figure either way. I'm doubtful on the prospect of AJ spending a first rounder on this new ball carrier. It certainly could happen, but this class is so deep in backs I suspect they could pass in the first and still get a great pick in the 2nd, 3rd or even 4th.

I've wasted a lot of my precious youth pouring over scouting reports and daydreaming about who this new back will be and how he'll take us to the Super Bowl next year and then we'll go steady and get married and live happily ever after. But who is the Mystery Date? Let's look at the possibilities, in no particular order:

First, it won't be CJ Spiller. He'll likely be long gone by pick 28. Too bad.

Jahvid Best, Cal

I think Jahvid is a luxury that the Chargers can't afford to spend a high pick on. He's fast. Oh boy, is he fast. Put the ball in his hands in space and its game freaking over. Assuming no defenders breathe too hard within a yard of him, in which case he's a serious injury risk.

As much as it would be cool to have him on the roster (and prevent other teams from having him), Jahvid looks like a slightly bigger version of Sproles to me. Fast on the corner, deadly in space, doesn't give you much between the tackles. And really, that's what we need. It would be great to have him if we can't sign Sproles after this year, or if we trade Sproles this weekend, but as long as we have Darren I just don't see the value in spending a high pick on Jahvid, unless you plan to also draft a mauling back in the later rounds.

Ryan Matthews, Fresno State

A classic test of the Wisdom of Crowds. I say that because roughly 90% of the mock drafts I have seen (and I've seen far too many) have the Chargers taking Matthews at 28. Its amazing really, the amount of group think demonstrated here and anyone who knows anything about AJ Smith knows that this all but assures that he will not pick Matthews. Personally, I'm skeptical that Matthews will still be around at 28th. But, assuming he is there, and assuming AJ bucks his trend of bucking the trend and picks him, what do I think of him?

I'm really mixed on Matthews. Let me start with the negatives. First, he's had some injury issues and missed time because of it. Nothing too major, but we have to consider it. I've also heard mixed things about his contribution to the passing game, both catching the ball and blocking, with more than one report saying that he's a liability. This is a vital part of the Charger offense, and if its true that Matthews can't contribute there then his value is greatly reduced. Again, I don't know if its true and I don't really have the film to find out.

Another knock on Matthews is that he possibly benefited from an dominant O-line which beat up lesser opponents. One scouting report I read called him an "uncharismatic runner", meaning he tests well in shorts but doesn't play as strong as his measurables might indicate. Now, Fresno State did play some really good teams, including Wisconsin, Cincinnati and Boise State, and he was super productive against all of them. The Boise game is really impressive, as he had over 200 yards and 3 TDs against the undefeated, Fiesta Bowl winning, Oregon and TCU thumping Broncos. But even looking at those highlights, his big runs did come as the result of big holes by the Bulldog O-line. They gave him space and he took it to the house. Impressive, to be sure, but how will that translate to the NFL, where even the best O-line's aren't super dominant and the Charger O-line is far from the best at running the rock? Will he be able to pound it between the tackles successfully in addition to his big play ability?

I guess my biggest concern about Ryan Matthews is the too good to be true factor. Why should we be so lucky that he would fall to 28? If he's so great, why won't he be snatched up earlier?

Although it may seem like I'm down on Matthews, I do have some positives. He gets the Lorenzo Neal seal of approval. Even discounting the blatant Fresno State homerism, that's still a strong endorsement. And I tend to think that AJ had a pretty good eye for running back talent and how it translates to the NFL, so if he does tap Matthews I'll trust his judgment.

But the biggest thing I like about Matthews is who he makes me think of. Watching his highlight tapes, with the big runs, sharp cuts, stiff arms, incredible balance, and overall strong production, I can't help but think that he reminds me of another great back: LT. That's how LT runs. That's how he deals with defenders. That's his quickness, his cutting, his balance. And I can't help but get a little excited when I think about the possibilities.

Toby Gerhart, Stanford

Robbed of the Heisman last year, Toby is an interesting prospect to replace LT. He has a significant injury history, including an ACL replacement in his past. He was a beast among men in college, running over, around and through helpless defenders. However, this ain't college anymore, and no one can do that in the NFL. My big concern is how his body can hold up crashing into NFL defenders 25+ times a game with his upright running style. I'm also not too sure what he gives you in the passing game, though I don't see why that should be a problem.

In a lot of ways I think that Gerhart is the anti-Jahvid, which is probably fitting given that they played for Stanford and Cal, respectively. I think that Toby will be a solid between the tackles runner who won't turn the corner too well or run away from people. There's a little bit of boom or bust here. Best case scenario, this is Jerome Bettis 2.0. Worst case, he's the new Jacob Hester, and frankly we are filled up on our quota of Jacob Hesters. That said, I like what he could potentially bring to San Diego, especially as a one-two punch with Sproles.

That's the end of the California Boys at the top of the list. This is getting a little long, so we'll move on to the Southern boys in another post.

Mocking the draft, part 1

2010-04-21T21:28:00.005-04:00

I have a confession to make: I am a draftnik.

Yes, every winter and spring I waste far, far, far too much of my worthless time invested in the NFL draft. I'll be the first to admit that its a completely mystifying, frustrating and pointless endeavor. I have no control over who the Chargers or any other team picks.

I don't do mock drafts, because they are impossible and meaningless and far too unfocused for my fanaticism. My concern is the San Diego Chargers, and its hard enough trying to figure out whats going on in AJ Smith's head. And this is a team which I know really well. God help me if I can try and figure out how the 31 other teams are go. I swear, its the most bogus thing to try to predict. In game theory, its hard enough to build and solve a game with only a few players, strategies, and payoffs. Now multiply each of those factors by about 1000 and you might get close to the complexity of predicting a draft. Not that it can't be fun, and that's what this is all about, but I just can't be bothered to try it myself. At least with a March Madness bracket I have some money riding on it and a few information shortcuts to help me with my wild guesses.

There's only two ways to go about a mock draft. The first way is to do a shit ton of research, watch a lot of film, pour over combine results and team rosters and then try to magically predict what 32 different teams will do with an infinite number of possibilities to choose from. The second way to do is to let a bunch of other people do all that, and then just copy their work. This is the way that 95% of mock drafts are done, and its how mine would have been done.

However, just because I'm too much of a lazy snob to do my own mock draft doesn't mean I don't have tons of useless, ill informed scouting data in my head which is just dying to come out. The ether needs my opinions, and I'm all to happy to oblige.

First, I'd like to say something to the Rams: Don't do it.

I said it last year to the Lions, and I've said it to a lot of other top pick teams who were goaded and pushed and bullied into doing it. Don't do it.

Don't pass on King-bloody-Kong in order to draft Sam Bradford.

I like Sam Bradford. Good athlete. Accurate. Leader. Winner. Yes, he's had some injuries, but this is football and that happens.

Don't draft him, St. Louis.

We all know what will happen. You draft this kid, pay him a ton of money, and he'll promptly get killed behind your shitty line and you'll be back to starting whatever journeyman you would have been stuck with anyway. Best case scenario, in 3 years he leads your team to a winning record. Best case, and I'm certainly not hanging my hat on that.

Even if he was a perfect QB prospect, which he isn't, this would be a bad move. As it stands Sam Bradford is a QB with the unfortunate history of having his throwing arm destroyed in painful ways. On top of that, he played for a dominant team with dominant talent in an offense which cranked out yards and points and raped and pillaged the poor, simple country defenses of the Big 12. Except, of course, for Texas, which beat him twice and gave him plenty of fits. And Florida, who had some speed and talent on that side of the ball. Basically, whenever he was pressured he came back to earth. I think he can maybe be a good QB in this league, but its no sure thing. Is this really want you want to spend the top pick and $75 million on?

Ndomukong Suh is a beast among men. His name means "House of Spears". He almost single handedly won the Big 12 Championship game despite the noticeable handicap of being a nose tackle and having no functional offense on his team. If there was any justice in the world he and Toby Gerhart would have been the first co-winners of the Heisman Trophy.

House of Spears.

Think about it, as if reflection is needed on that incredible fact.

When its on, its on

2010-04-21T17:49:00.005-04:00

We all remember last year when a long rain delay forced the UConn and USF baseball teams to dance around for our amusement.

Apparently this is a thing now, and we have a new rain soaked throw down, this time between the Western Kentucky Hilltoppers and Florida Atlantic Owls. It has a little bit of everything. Some comedy, some drama, and most importantly, a lot of awkward white people dancing.

Take it away boys:

Somehow I doubt this new phenomenon got mentioned in George Will's new edition of Men at Work.

Random thought: toast

2010-04-20T10:19:00.002-04:00

Why is toast so much better than regular bread? Its not like the bread is raw and needs to be cooked, like meat or eggs. And its not even as big a transformation as when a vegetable goes from raw to cooked. It just gets heated up and crustier, yet its so much better. Why?

Double Devolution

2010-04-13T22:13:00.009-04:00

KFC has just released a new product with much fanfare. Its called the "Double Down". Its gross.

To be totally fair, I haven't eaten one yet, and to be perfectly honest I never will unless high money stakes are involved. Hypocrite? Snob? Elitist? Guilty as charged, but screw you if you think I'm gonna debase my body and soul with that thing. Its not that I abhor fast food, fried food, or fatty food. Far from it. Every element in this mutant is something that I enjoy eating (except perhaps the "Colonel's Sauce", since I don't know what it is). But I can't ever see myself enjoying a "Double Down".

A lot of people are disturbed by this new product for very good reasons. This thing is a monstrosity in both a nutritional and culinary sense. Its obviously unhealthy for you, but you knew that going into a place called "Kentucky Fried Chicken". But what's even worse is that it just looks bad, something closer to what you would feed a zoo animal than a human being. Some have tried to defend it by comparing it to Chicken Cordon Bleu, which is like comparing bait to sushi. The basic elements may be the same, but the process is what's important.

There have been some very entertaining reviews of the "Double Down" by people braver and more clever than me. This one posted by The Onion AV club is my favorite. Most reviewers seem to agree: this thing is awful. Not just because its terrible for you and keeps cardiologists up nights, but because its just truly heinous and unpleasant to eat.

But my even more pretentious objection to this thing is based on what it represents: devolution.

The "Double Down" is a step backward, or at least a misstep, in the evolution of human food. As limited, simple and flawed as bread may be, it serves a great functional purpose: getting food to the mouth with the minimum of mess. The whole sandwich concept, along with its culinary cousins and offshoots, is based on this principle. As crazy as this sounds, the idea to use bread as a holder for filling was actually a major step forward in culinary development. It allowed the consumption of fillings and foods which are difficult to consume with a fork and knife, and it allowed a great deal of portability for the working person or hard gambling Earl. But most of all, it allowed for a much wider range of foods to be dreamed up, prepared, and consumed.

Carbs transport filling. Simple but effective. Pizza, dumplings, burritos, tacos, gyros, hot dogs, hamburgers, sandwiches, hoagies, grinders, canopies, even cheese and crackers- they all build off this basic paradigm. And for those watching their carbs, substitutes like lettuce have emerged. Getting rid of the carb based carrying system while retaining finger food status is a dicey proposition. Sushi may transition into Sashimi just fine, but either way you're using chopsticks.

This devolution is certainly deliberate, possibly even a goal for KFC. The whole point of this is to tap into some untamed part of our very much tamed psyche. You're a man, you want meat and fat and salt, and damned if you're going to let some sissy crap like manners, forks or bread stand between your manly hands and the hot roast flesh you crave. Hang those who would decry excess or encourage nutritional eating. You're a manly free spirit, whose primal act of rebellion against the modern world comes from giving 6 dollars to a multinational corporation.

This thing isn't a sandwich. It's some meat and bad cheese slammed together in a bag. Its a sandwich without its skin, or maybe its fried chicken stripped of its dignity. That's fine if you want to eat it, but the idea that this is a sandwich is just wrong. The Double Down lies at the intersection of sandwich, finger food, and fork and knife fare, but unfortunately for it there doesn't appear to be a place for it in any of these spheres.

Random thought of the day

2010-04-12T15:14:00.003-04:00

I saw a story about the 20th anniversary of the movie "Pretty Woman". Many love it, many hate it, and I'm not going to get into that. But what just struck me is a part of the popular narrative which has come to surround the film but seems off to me.

The quick summary of the movie most often used is that Julia Roberts's character Vivian is a "hooker with a 'heart of gold'".

Why?

I mean, she seems like a nice enough character, but why "heart of gold"? To me, that implies she's some kind of angel of mercy, giving charity to the less fortunate and comforting the dying. Does Vivian turn tricks in order to feed starving children? Does she read to senior citizens on her nights off?

Maybe she does, and maybe she really does have the aforementioned golden heart, but it doesn't really seem to show that in the movie. She seems like a good person who doesn't get off on the suffering of others and is reasonably compassionate, but as far as I can remember the film never really shows her as some model of charity or as an positive outlier of humanity. She lives pretty normally, and is even vindictive at times.

Maybe its in contrast to Richard Gere's character, who is portrayed at first as some kind of monster who would literally sell his own father for a buck. But really, he's not a bad guy, and his transformation at the end into a magnanimous capitalist is not that big a change from where he started.

The other thing I don't really get is the implication that a hooker who is also a decent human being is some kind of rare anomaly. I don't know any ladies of the night (that I am aware of), but somehow I have to think that some of them are probably pretty decent human beings when it comes down to it, same as any profession.

Badvertising: Tiger Stare

2010-04-08T10:57:00.001-04:00

What the fuck was that?

The Spaghetti Harvest

2010-04-01T20:49:00.002-04:00

Leave it to the BBC to educate and entertain. And misappropriate public funds and trust for a quick laugh.

Happy Pagan New Year!

Badverstising: V

2010-03-30T22:05:00.003-04:00

Dear ABC:

I don't care how many ads you run during LOST, I'm not going to watch V. I don't care if they make it out to be an action show, or a sexy show, or how often that creepy alien girl with the short hair breaks the fourth wall. I won't watch.

V was on like 30 years ago. Its been done. It wasn't that great to begin with, but at least it was campy and entertaining. Why would I want a hip new version of an old campy show whose only value came from its campyness? And is this really what Juliet from LOST deserves for being killed off? That's weak.

I'm hoping that this boycott will make you stop these awful commercials. And I especially hope that this will discourage you from remaking LOST in 30 years with some new cast and cosmetic changes. Its hard enough to follow as it is.

Badvertising: Sharp Quattron

2010-03-23T21:33:00.002-04:00

I just saw this for the first time.

I don't have any beef with this ad. Its simple, straightforward, informative even.

But my inner devil had to smirk at using Mr. Sulu to introduce the new yellow color spectrum.

I know, I'm an immature idiot. But it is funny.

NFL overtime, part 2

2010-03-23T20:12:00.004-04:00

The NFL passed a new overtime rule today. I had previously talked about it being a possibility, and now that it is a reality and I've learned more about it I like the new rule even less.

This new rule only takes effect in postseason games. Basically, it says that the team which receives the kickoff cannot win the game on a first possession field goal. If they score a touchdown, game over. If they score only a FG, then they must kick off, and the other team has a chance to tie or beat them, with a FG or TD respectively. In the case of a tying FG, or if neither team score, the game reverts back to sudden death format. If the other team fails to score the game is over.

There are some wrinkles here which should be addressed. Any defensive score (safety or defensive TD) ends the game. So 2 points is enough to win, but not 3! Amazing!

If the original kickoff team tries and recovers an onside kick, then the team which was supposed to recover has "had their opportunity", according to the league. So theoretically a team could onside, recover, and then drive down and kick a field goal to win. Similarly, if the receiving team were to fumble and lose the kickoff, or commit a turnover while on offense, then the other team only has to score in order to win, touchdown or field goal.

I don't like this rule. I think its wrong to change the fundamental rules of the game just because its the postseason. True, there is already a difference in rule, in that a regular season game ends in a tie after 1 quarter while a postseason game goes till a winner is decided, but that difference is necessary given that someone has to win a playoff game. The timing may be different but the conditions for winning are the same: first point prevails.

Besides the regular/postseason difference, I don't like that this rule implies that certain points aren't really legitimate. Why should a field goal on one given possession not count the same as points score on other possessions? Field goals are still points. They are a legitimate part of the game. I know we like to hate on kickers. At best they are useful in certain situations, at worst they are midgets masquerading as football players who can screw up their one job and blow a game for the 52 other guys who are fighting their asses off.

But they are still part of the game. If you don't like Field goals, get rid of them. Narrow the uprights, widen the splits, make them worth fewer points, do what you will. But if they are part of the game then they should be treated as such. Teams win games via field goal all the time.

A lot of the complaining about the sudden death overtime starts with the reasoning that a field goal is no way to end a football game. The unspoken but very obvious motivation behind this line of thought is that sudden death overtime prevents the NFL's biggest stars, the QBs, from leading their teams to glorious victory. Even the teams who win usually do so by field goal, not a touchdown, and on many occasions the other team never gets a chance to score. Somehow, some people believe there is shame in this, as opposed to embracing the fact that football is a team sport and there are players who affect the outcome besides the quarterback.

I guess what I really dislike most about this rule is that it feels like such a such an obvious, slapdash attempt to appease the small but vocal group (mostly Peter King types) who want star QBs to get a guaranteed chance to play in overtime and think its an affront to the football gods that a kicker should take that away from them. Because it was so unfair how Garrett Hartley held a gun to Brett Favre's head and made him throw yet another back-breaking, game changing, season ending interception (3 years and counting!).

And that's the real story here. This change isn't about fairness and competitiveness and the evil of field goals. If it was then they could make it first to 6 points, or outlaw field goals in overtime, or just guarantee both teams one possession regardless of what happens on the first, or just play a full quarter. Its not really that hard. Instead we get this half-assed attempt by the NFL trying to promote offense and sell jerseys. And I know that's their business and they make a lot of money at it, but can't we at least pretend that the rules mean something?

Its especially disingenuous because despite all this whining about the tragedy of field goals deciding games in overtime, now we have an overtime setup in which games could very likely be decided by field goal. Just not the first field goal. Teams could trade opening field goals or the receiving team could go scoreless, in which case a field goal still wins it. Or there could be the aforementioned turnover or onside kick, either of which would put us right back to where we started. So what have we gained here? Besides the possibility of more injuries, a longer game, and perhaps a few more points for the over/under in Vegas?

Sudden Death - real sudden death- has worked for years. It was good enough for "The Greatest Game Ever Played", one of the legendary games in NFL lore which helped put the league on the map. If you want to get rid of it then do so, but don't play around with the rules like this. Do it right and be consistent. Like Brett Favre throwing an end of season pick.

Om...?

2010-03-22T11:10:00.001-04:00

I just saw a flyer advertising for a "Festival of Meditation".

Seems contradictory to me. Hope they have beer and kettle corn.

Random thought of the day

2010-03-20T00:56:00.004-04:00

I had a thought today while thinking about actors and such:

Why was it called "The Cosby Show"?

I mean, I know why it was called that, but when you think about it that was an incredibly generic name. And it also breaks with part of the convention of naming shows after their leads, in that Bill Cosby's character didn't share his real life name in any sense.

On Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld literally played himself (can you "play" yourself?).

On shows like Rosanne, Bob Newhart and Mary Tyler Moore, the protagonist carries over at least his or her first name.

But on "The Cosby Show" his character was Cliff Huxtable. That's a far cry from "Bill Cosby". A far, far cry.

In researching this crappy little post I learned that this isn't the only time this has happened. Apparently on "The Dick Van Dyke" show, Van Dyke played a character called Rob Petrie.

Maybe that's the lesson: if you're gonna name the show after yourself you better be a hell of a TV legend if you wanna pull it off.

Badvertising: KGB

2010-03-18T23:39:00.007-04:00

KGB is apparently a huge scam service, and a poorly named one at that. I love how such a blatant piece of rip-off based capitalism, which is trying to come off as a friendly, helpful company, decided to name themselves after one of the most notorious agents of oppression in human history. Because when I think warm and helpful, I think of the Soviet Secret Police.

But I'll admit it is kinda catchy.

KGB has run a lot of ads, and most are forgettable enough, but a few really get on my nerves. The first features moms and clowns. Lets watch:

So let me get this straight. I wish to hire an entertainer for a social function. And KGB suggests that the best way to do this is to ask some stranger in a call center one question, accept their response on blind faith, and then this person will just be magically hired and everything will be great. Oh, and I'll pay a dollar for this privilege.

Alternatively, I could look up an entertainer for free using Google. I could compare references or ratings and pricing and actually do 2 minutes of research to find which clown I think its best. Maybe they'll even be pictures of said performer. In short, I'll do everything that the KGB "operative" will do, but it will be free and probably faster because I don't have to wait for him or her to text me back with his choice.

By the way, I just love, love, love the "evil" clown in this. Its so hysterically overblown that I have to laugh every time.

There are a couple of these type of KGB "face-off" ads, and while they are all at least silly this one its the worst I think. And the best. Just look at that evil clown.

Now lets look at another KGB ad which is unique in its style compared to the others.

Listen to me carefully ladies: none of these questions require KGB. Most don't require more than google, and the ones that do require a doctor or lawyer.

I'd call this commercial borderline creative. They hit you with so much so fast that you can't really process it, and William Tell never fails to get my brain humming. The choice of "questions" is weird though. This is a lot of serious stuff. Medical issues, legal issues, environmental issues. KGB's biggest (and probably) value is in settling bar bets among people who don't have IPhones, which is why I suspect they are running so many ads during March Madness.

Its also interesting that this particular ad features all women, asking "serious" questions. All the KGB ads I've seen aimed at men show its value as the aforementioned instant trivia machine. I've been waiting (not eagerly, but waiting) for the male version of this ad, but I don't think its coming since it doesn't seem to fit into how advertisers target men.

Also, I was watching basketball when this commercial came on, and they had clearly changed the word "poop" to "pool" at the beginning of the song. Shame on you, KGB, upsetting the delicate sensibilities of people watching sports games filled with sexist beer commercials.

My conclusion from all this: KGB is a "service" for idiots who somehow are terrified of basic google searches but tech savvy enough to text random questions to "information" companies.

NFL overtime proposal

2010-03-18T23:12:00.004-04:00

The NFL Competition Committee is planning to vote on a new overtime format. Currently NFL OT games are decided by sudden death, no matter how the points are scored.

The new rule is a little confusing, and I haven't been able to find a full description of it. It has been described as "first team to 6", but I'm not sure that's correct. If the first team with possession scores a TD, then its game over. If they score "only" a FG, then the other team gets a chance to match that or better it. If they tie it, then the game reverts to sudden death.

There's an instant problem here: the team which has to tie it then has to give the ball back to the first team (at least that's how I read it). So really in that situation nothing has changed from a Sudden Death format. Sure there's the element of strategy in going for the win if possible, but it doesn't seem like it would come up that often.

I also can't figure out what happens if neither team scores on their possessions, or if the first team doesn't score and the second team does. Based on what I read the answer is a reversion to Sudden Death.

Another thing I don't like is that this rule applies only to the playoffs and the Super Bowl. There's already the subtle difference in the Playoff OT rules in that there cannot be a tie, so the game keeps going until a score. But besides that, why should there be a difference in basic rules? A football game is a football game, and with the league so tight now games in the regular season are often critical in determining who gets to the playoffs and who is left out. If you're gonna change the rule, make it for all games, or don't change it at all.

I actually might be in favor of a "first to" style overtime rule, but with one tweak. It shouldn't be first to 6, it should be first to 5. That way a FG alone doesn't win it, a TD does, and the combination of a safety and FG also wins it. And I think that's more than fair. If a defense can earn a safety and get the ball back for their offense, who then scores a FG, that should be enough to earn a W.

Charlie Claus

2010-03-17T21:59:00.003-04:00

Well thank you, Charlie Whitehurst. And a special thanks to Pete Carroll, who is always straddling that line between genius and insanity.

Because of this duo we have moved way up in this years second round, and also hold a 3rd rounder next year. In case no one else is counting, this means we now have 6 picks in the first 3 rounds in 2011, which can either be used to restock the team in the future or traded for better picks this year. It may not seem like such a big thing, given then we already spent a 3rd rounder on Whitehurst and now have to get a new 3rd string QB somehow, but that kinda thinking is for economists and nerds.

I dare say that this is, by far, the best off season move the Bolts have made this year, and it took a crazy man on another team to make it happen.

Best of luck to you, Clipboard Jesus. Congrats on getting paid and on getting a chance to compete for a starting job. I hope you can seize this opportunity and run with it.

Except, of course, when the Bolts play the Seahawks this fall.

J-L-T-S!

2010-03-14T23:55:00.004-04:00

Congrats to LT on his new contract with the Jets. He deserves this chance to finish his career on his terms and perhaps show that he can still do it. New York seems to be as good a fit as any team, with a league best Rushing attack led by a punch-you-in-the-mouth front 5. I hope this works for him and he can finish in a blaze of glory, and maybe use this opportunity in the biggest market to let more of the league realize what a great player and human being he is.

Minnesota also seemed like a good fit for him given that its a similar situation in terms of scheme and personnel. But damned if I wanted to have a reason to root for Brittfar or Chilly Willy. Having Coach Ryan as his coach will make it a little easier to see LT in a different color jersey.

I wish him great success, right up to the point where the Jets' paths may cross the Chargers'.

Tiger's Talking Head (update!)

2010-03-11T22:28:00.004-05:00

So, apparently it wasn't Tiger that made the decision to hire Ari Fleischer. According to a rumor which I totally believe based on nothing, Tiger's regular PR firm is called IMG. IMG also has a partnership with Mr. Fleischer and his attempts to establish his own PR firm, which apparently hasn't gone well. And so IMG made the decision to put Ari on this case.

So actually (if this wild rumor is to be believed), this isn't Fleischer helping Tiger, its Tiger helping Ari.

Which should just be more proof of just how much of a slime-ball that Ari is, if he needs someone as unpopular as rock-bottom-scraping Tiger Woods to improve his image.

Tiger's Talking Head

2010-03-11T17:33:00.004-05:00

You've lost me Tiger. I was on your side (sort of). I could accept that your personal life and your professional life were separate things, and I was ready to welcome Tiger the Golfer back to the tour.

No more.

You've pushed me over the edge with your latest move.

I can't believe you hired that lying, condescending, devil's front man Ari Fleisher as your PR rep.

Really Tiger? Really?

Tiger, you apologized. A lot of people didn't believe you, but whatever. Who cares? Just come back and play and win and let the chips fall where they may. Some people will hate you, some will turn a blind eye, and the vast majority are grown up enough to realize that this is just golf and you're a golfer and whatever happened with you and Elin and whatever means exactly nothing with regards to your driving and chipping and putting and winning.

Ari Fleischer? Game over, Tiger.

Ari Fleisher was the front man for one of the most arrogant, back-asswards, hated organizations in recorded history: the BCS.

Yes, this was the guy that the BCS hired to try and Twitter away the growing and passionate and rational drive by college football fans (including myself) for an actual playoff to determine the national championship. And what's funny about that is that the BCS never seemed to give a toss about any criticisms before, since they basically own college football and no one can do anything about that. And when they finally started one of the worst PR campaigns in history, it was conceived and run by none other than Ari. Awful.

Oh, and Ari was also the front man for President Bush during his first 2+ years in office, including the run-up to the start of the Iraq war. He was a key part of the Valerie Plame affair. He's also a Yankee fan. And based on what I know about him he probably gets off on drowning puppies in acid. He's a first rate dick who gets paid lots of money for being a first rate dick in order to shield even bigger, firster rate dicks from things like honesty and scrutiny and logic. Screw him and anyone he works for.

And this is the guy you go to, Tiger? That's like running up a flag that says "I'm wrong, stupid, arrogant and there's no chance I will change my ways because I don't have to." Why would you hire him? How does this help your comeback?

All I know is, PR agents are supposed to improve their client's public images, right? So how does Ari Fleisher even have a job, when hiring him is such a huge red flag?

Atticus Smith

2010-03-10T12:33:00.004-05:00

Jamal is gone. To Denver. Ouch.

I really hope AJ knows what he's doing.

We can justify this in all sorts of ways, not the least of which is the fact that they Bolts went 12-4 last year in games without Jamal. But still he's still one of the top NTs in the game, when healthy.

Its tough sometimes being an NFL fan. Its true that every year brings new hopes, and with all that can happen in the league almost every team has a shot at the playoffs in the beginning of the year, and a smaller but still significant group has a real shot at hoisting the Lombardi trophy at the end. The trade off for this having to accept the reality that this is a year to year league and loyalty and family are just words without much substance.

Warren Sapp, a guy who cuts through the crap, once spoke to NFL films about this reality. He said (paraphrasing here):

"People say football is a family. It's not. If a family is walking and someone, a little kid maybe, falls behind, we go back for him. Not in football. In football we keep walking. Football is a fellowship of men. If you can't hack it you get left behind."

Its amazing how much I, and many Charger fans I know, have come to accept this reality. The proof is in how relatively easy it was to accept the LT decision. We mourned, we remembered, we looked back whistfully, but we were already looking forward to who was going to take his place. Because we had to, because that's how this works.

Consider all the players players which the Chargers have left by the side of the road in recent years.

Donnie Edwards. Lorenzo Neal. Keenan McCardell. Ben Leber.

Marlon McCree. Matt Whilhelm. Eric Parker.

Igor. Shelton. Forney. Chris Chambers. Cromartie. Kassim. Hart.

Michael Turner.

Drew Brees.

Jamal Williams.

LT.

I'm sure there are others I've forgotten. And the list will grow even longer with each year that passes.

True, a lot of these players left of their own accord for free agency. Many had injury problems, or were on the downslope of their careers or had regressed in their play or had pissed off the wrong people.

AJ Smith is the man who must make all these decisions. Most, I would argue, have been the right decisions.

There's a line in "To Kill a Mockingbird" about the fact that some people were born to do our difficult jobs for us. I sometimes think of that line when the Chargers release an impact player that we love, usually because he's become too expensive to justify his decreasing levels of productions. For the Chargers, AJ Smith is that person, making the tough decisions which we all realize have to be done but don't want to make.

(Now, I want to be very clear that I'm not trying to equate Atticus Finch, one of the great noble heroes in the American Canon, to AJ Smith, who makes millions doing a job that many of us naively think would be a dream come true. That would be a hyper-Simmonesque move of idiotic equivocation.)

Changes

2010-03-07T09:17:00.004-05:00

"When did the floodgates open?"

"When the water got here."

Friday was the start of free agency and the new NFL year, and what a start! So long Kassim, Cro, Bennett and Manu. So long (for now) Jamal. Welcome back (for now) Sproles.

In my own humble opinion, tendering Sproles just makes sense. He's not the only answer at running back, but he was just too valuable to let him walk without at least using the tender and trying to get something in return. I hope they can agree on a long term deal, because otherwise I fear he'll be the next Charger to leave town this offseason via trade.

Speaking of leaving, please don't leave Jamal! I really hope he and the team can work something out for him to come back, because a healthy J-Wall, even in a limited rotation, is such a valuable thing. I honestly remember losing sleep last fall during the week that he was put on IR, and I think a lot more sleep with be lost by Bolts fans next year if he can't be brought back or replaced with a new star nose tackle. Its amazing what his release says about football. There are probably 5 people on the planet who can do what a healthy Jamal Williams can do on a football field. His value to a 3-4 team is unquestionable and usually irreplaceable. Running backs may be fungible, but quality nose tackles certainly are not.

Yet 6 million dollars, in an uncapped year no less, was too much for the Chargers to handle given his age and durability concerns. This is a guy who just a year ago was playing at a Pro-bowl level and has anchored the defense for a decade, and by all indications was recovering just fine from his injury. But still, it was just too much. Contrast that with baseball or basketball, where you have less valuable players with more common skill sets earning far, far more than that, and its all guaranteed. I love the NFL, but compared to other sports its players often get a raw deal.

Despite your raw deal, please come back Jamal! We love you! And if you should decide to make a clean break and sign elsewhere, no hard feelings and good luck. Unless Norv decides to run Sproles straight into you on 4th and 2, a collision which I'm pretty sure would be close to the meeting of matter and anti-matter.

The not so short goodbye

2010-02-23T18:07:00.016-05:00

I met a traveler from an antique land
Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown
And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed.
And on the pedestal these words appear:
"My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!"
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away

Maybe pulling out the Shelley is a bit dramatic, but I couldn't help but think of those immortal words yesterday when I heard the news.

Ladanian Tomlinson's reign as the King of San Diego is officially over. For most of the last 9 years he was the best running back in the NFL. He is undoubtedly the best running back of the last decade, a first ballot Hall of Famer and one of the best to ever play the game. More than that, he was a towering figure in the community, both through his massive charity work and his quiet dignity.

And all that makes this even worse.

I remember the first time I ever "saw" LT, so to speak. I wasn't watching a NFL game. It wasn't the combine or the draft or one of his TCU games either. I was playing some goddawful NFL blitz ripoff game at a friend's house. I'd never played the game before so I sucked pretty hard at it. My friend had selected to play as the Chargers for some reason, which I thought was weird because they were so bad at the time and he wasn't even a Charger fan so there was no team loyalty there. I figured the playing field might be leveled since I would pick a "good" team to play as. Little did I know that there was a method to my friend's madness, and that method was simple: give the ball to (video game) LT.

In whatever crappy game this was, LT was less a man and more a death mobile. He ran so fast on screen that flames came off his shoes. No one on my defense could tackle him, even on the rare occasion that they got within half the screen of him. Naturally I was furious at this shitty game and whatever stoner programmer had created this inhuman football monstrosity wearing number 21 on the screen. Had I not been so ignorant I would have realized that it was just another case of art imitating life.

Four years ago LT had one of the all time great NFL seasons. Not just for a running back or a modern player, but for any position at any time. It was a season which transcended football and ranks with some of the all time sports accomplishments like the Triple Crown or the Grand Slam.

And now he's been released. Ceremoniously to be sure, but that was just window dressing on the ice flow. The decay that wore down Ozymandias over 4 millennia tore down LT in just 4 years.

We all knew this day was coming, sooner or later, and the smart money was on sooner. Still, this is probably the worst of all possible ways for this to happen. Losing a start to free agency or a trade may sting but there is usually compensation of some sort, plus the player can become an object of scorn if emotions get heated. Career ending injuries suck but are part of life. And the ideal situation, retiring into the sunset following a swan song season and possibly a championship, would have been great but sadly it just doesn't happen that often in the NFL. For every Elway or Bettis there are 100 other players who were denied a glorious exit.

Like many Chargers, I feel that LT gets a bum rap from the national media. He toiled in relative obscurity for most of his career, and it seemed like his (supposedly) worst moments were when he was in the national spotlight. The incident with Bill Belichick in 2006 is still being talked about, despite the fact that the two buried whatever beef they back then very quickly. He played and excelled for years with all sorts of injuries which would have kept less tough players on the sidelines, but sadly the few injuries which were severe enough to keep him out of a game came during the playoffs. Somehow this gave some the idea that LT was "soft", which would be laughable if it wasn't so idiotic. LT played 9 years in the NFL and missed only 2 regular season games due to injury. I don't care who you are, that's incredible. By comparison, Adrian Peterson missed 2 games in his very first year!

But never mind that comparison. Playing running back in the NFL is the physical equivalent of being in a car wreck every single week. There's a reason running backs have such short careers and miss so much time do to injury. Despite the odds against him, and despite the fact that he was often playing on bad teams, LT went out every single week and did amazing things. Bad luck and bad timing combined with the relatively low profile of the Chargers kept the Tomlinson that Charger fans know and love from being fully appreciated throughout the nation. Not that media perceptions should matter, but its just a shame how such a great player and person can be such an unknown to a league in which he was one of the best players for so long.

What I've also come to realize is that this is a no win situation as a Charger fan and an LT fan. The team is moving on without him, as every team must, but there are very few scenarios in which everything turns out well for all involved.

If they manage to win a SB finally, it will always be with the knowledge that they did it without the face of their franchise. If they continue to struggle in the running game then there will always be doubts about letting him go and what it accomplished.

On the flip side, whatever LT does from here will be painful to watch. It would awful if he struggles elsewhere and suffers the indignity of being run out of the league as a broken down back. But what if he actually has something left in the tank and has a good year elsewhere? It would probably be even worse to watch him thrive again for another team, knowing that he could still be wearing lightning bolts.

On the long shot chance that he does win the Super Bowl he so richly deserves, it could only come at the expense of the Chargers NOT winning in a particular year. Given the labor problems, potential lockout, LTs rapidly diminishing skills and the huge turnover coming for the Charger roster over the next 2 years, there most likely isn't enough time for both the Bolts and LT to fulfill there ultimate goals separately.

Still, its important to remember that this parting is so hard for us because of all the great memories we have of LT and all the happiness he brought us. So let me just say thank you for everything, Ladanian. And good luck with whatever you choose to do next. You'll always be a fire shooting, tackler swashing Charger to me.

15 seconds of shame

2010-01-26T20:24:00.003-05:00

This video has been making the rounds for a few days now, ever since the NFC championship game.

It's certainly funny, and raw and more real than a lot of fake drama which gets passed off as entertainment.

But I've been thinking about this and I really have to wonder: why was this tape made?

What I mean is, why was this woman videotaping her husband and daughter watching a football game? Did she videotape the whole thing and just post this short clip? Did she know, as so many of us did, that Favre was gonna blow it as only Favre could, and intentionally start videotaping them at the end of the game? Alternatively, was she hoping to catch her families reaction to a Super Bowl clinching FG only to have disaster strike? Or was this just whimsy and random chance?

I'm asking these questions not to the individuals who made and posted this particular tape, but in a more general sense. Why was this video made and posted?

There are a lot of videos like this online now. More get made and posted every year. Have we advanced (if that's the right word?) to the point where more and more people are willing, even happy, to put their lives on camera and show it to the world, if for no other reason than the fact that they can?

Offseason: RFA's part 2

2010-01-20T16:57:00.006-05:00

Here's where things get really interesting. Barring a new CBA, these five will be RFAs this year:

WR Malcom Floyd
WR Vincent Jackson
OT Marcus McNeill
OLB Shawne Merriman
RB Darren Sproles

Lets start at the top. Floyd will be back, probably given a first round tender (per Kevin Acee). Maybe they sign a long term deal, but I think that only happens if Jackson somehow gets away.

Speaking of Jackson, he had his third arrest on Sunday before the game. Nothing too serious, but it is his third strike (or a least, a foul tip). He's a funny guy to figure out: (almost) totally selfless on the field (flag kicking aside), a huge producer, a game changer. Apparently an idiot off the field, at least sometimes. I don't see him getting away, and I think there's good odds on him getting a long term contract. Worst case, a first and third round tender.

McNeill must stay. Must must must. It would be idiotic to give your franchise player 90+ million and build the offense around him and then not give him what he needs to succeed. What he needs is McNeill, or another Pro-Bowl left tackle, and there aren't that many of them around. Hopefully this can be a long term deal for Marcus. He's one of my favorite players, and he deserves to get paid after out performing his second round rookie contract. Seriously, this guy made less in 4 years than a lot of guys make in 4 games, and I wouldn't blame him for wanting to be rewarded generously. I think it will happen. At the very least he gets a franchise tag.

Merriman... this is going to be interesting. His sack production was way down this year as he battled injuries (again), and there is not so secret tension between him and management. Still, he was productive at times, he's getting healthier, and at worst he's an above average OLB. I have to think his market value has declined considerably, so maybe there is a chance of an affordable long term deal (assuming AJ even wants him back). Acee thinks a franchise tag will be used to retain him, and I agree that seems like the most probably outcome.

Finally, Sproles. This is a tough call, and its a tough spot for him. Last year he was an UFA and the Chargers tagged him. So really becoming a RFA is a step backwards for him, which doesn't really seem fair at all (cue violin for guy making 6 million a year to play a game). Still, he is protected by the RFA rules. If the Chargers put an RFA tender on him, he's guaranteed 110% of last year's salary, which will be over 7 million. I just don't see that happening, even for him. I think he's either going to get a long term deal done, or he'll be tagged and traded or allowed to walk. Hopefully AJ and Sproles can see the value of their situation. He fits so well into this offense and is such a weapon.

All in all its a lot to figure out, let alone predict how someone else will figure out. My instinct tells me that all these guys will be back next year for another run.

Offseason: RFAs part 1

2010-01-20T14:44:00.006-05:00

I already discussed the Chargers current UFA situation. Now things get really interesting. Here are the list of Free Agents to be (or not to be). These guys will be RFAs if a new CBA is not approved. This means that the Chargers will be able to put various tenders on them if they so choose.

ILB Tim Dobbins
DT Antonio Garay
C Eric Ghiaciuc
WR Malcom Floyd
OLB Marques Harris
WR Vincent Jackson
DL Travis Johnson
OT Marcus McNeill
OLB Shawne Merriman
LB Dontarrious Thomas
RB Darren Sproles
QB Charlie Whitehurst

In addition, Jeromy Clary is an RFA no matter what, and Tolbert and Applewhite will be exclusive rights free agents. I predict all three will be offered contracts, though that doesn't guarantee they survive training camp.

Wow. Quite a list. Lets start with the relatively easy ones:

Ghiacuic and Thomas are the lowest priority. I have no idea about their retention, but I wouldn't bet on it if all the injured players come back.

Harris is only slightly higher on the list. I doubt he's retained. Tucker and Applewhite are coming back, and I fell certain that AJ will be targeting yet another OLB in the draft.

Garay has a better chance, but with Jamal, Bingham and OG coming back there will be no room for him. Maybe they retain him through camp, but I don't see Bolts in his future.

Dobbins is an interesting case. As a good special teamer and decent backup linebacker, he's probably retained. Since he was a 5th round draft pick the Bolts might put a slightly higher tender on him, perhaps a 2nd round tender.

Travis Johnson is similar to Dobbins. There might not be room for him next year, but he did play reasonably well. He was a first rounder, so I suspect they'll put a low tender on him if they do retain him.

Whitehurst will get the lowest tender if retained, since no one is likely to give up a 3rd rounder for him. Hard to say what they'll do here. They must like the guy, but he's clearly not the QB of the future, and probably not even the backup of the future. Volek has only 1 year left on his contract, so they might let Charlie walk and try to draft another QB to groom as a future backup.

That's it for the "easy" guys. The other 5 are going to need their own post. As for these 7, I think AJ brings back 4 at most, assuming successful injury recoveries from all the guys who were out this year.

Offseason: UFAs

2010-01-20T14:23:00.003-05:00

Well, its been 3 days. The season has not risen again. Time to move on.

First order of business: Free Agency!

Well, not quite. The first order of business is to determine whether or not there is going to be a CBA and a salary cap this year. All signs point to no, though its entirely possible, probably even, that the deadline will be pushed back in order to give the owners and the union more time to hammer out an accord. This is what happened last time they were negotiating a new agreement. I think there is going to be a lot of pressure from the 200+ players who may miss their shot at unrestricted free agency this year to get a deal done, even if that means a smaller total pot of revenue for salaries. Its actually an interesting bit of game theory, but now's not the time for that discussion.

Its always tough to figure out what AJ is going to do with regards to free agency and retaining personnel. But I won't let that stop me from wild, baseless speculation!

Per the North County Times, here is the Chargers list of Unrestricted Free Agents to Be. This means that all of these guys are free to come back, provided the team wants them, or to go to any other team they get a better offer from regardless of the CBA situation.

DT Alfonso Boone
TE Brandon Manumaleuna
C Dennis Norman
WR Kassim Osgood
DT Ian Scott
TE Kris Wilson
RT Jon Runyan

Kassim has pissed off AJ enough and made his displeasure with his role (and paycheck) known, so he's likely gone for good. Runyan says he's going to retire and run for Congress. Norman might be retained as insurance in case Moose can't recover, but I think he's a long shot to make the team next year and he probably knows that too.

Scott, Boone, Manu and Wilson are all interesting. AJ won't pay any of them top dollar, but I think he will see the value in retaining at least one of the TEs and one of the NTs. Which pair he would target is unknown (or maybe he'll have to take what he can get). Manu is great as a blocker but hasn't given much to the passing game. Wilson came on as a special teamer and occasional receiving threat, but I suspect his value is higher for other teams who will pay accordingly. Also, I suspect that AJ will draft another tight end of the future, meaning that there might not be room for both of these guys in the fall.

Bottom line, from this group of 7 we might get back 5 at most, more likely 2-4. If I had to guess, I'd say that Manu and Scott have the best chance of wearing bolts next year.

Challenges and Changes

2010-01-18T11:51:00.009-05:00

Time of Death: 1:01, 4th Quarter.

Rigor Mortis is setting in, so let's get that body up on the table and do the post mortem.

The 2009 Chargers season was ultimately a disappointment. There were a lot of high points, including several wild finishes and big wins over good teams. An 11 game winning streak. Players we know and love reaching new heights. Rivers continuing to become an elite QB. Marcus McNeil having a strong year protecting the blind side, which had a direct correlation with Rivers's success. Gates, Jackson, Floyd and Nanee resurrecting Air Coryell. Several pro bowlers. One, apparently cursed, First Team All-Pro.

And of course, there was LT. 12 more TDs this year. Fastest ever to 150 TDS. Passing a number of greats, including the Immortal Jim Brown, on the all time rushing list. The cheesiest, funnest music video I've seen in a long time.

The season was one of challenges. How to replace Igor, Bingham and Jamal on the D-line? Who to replace Hart and Chambers after they were cut? How to replace Hardwick after he went down in the first game? How would they come back from 3 1/2 games down, after a pair of humiliating losses, and take back their division? How would they even make the playoffs?

Ron Rivera did an admirable job putting together a hybrid 3-4/4-3 defense after injuries ravaged his players. It didn't generate a ton of pressure or turnovers. It didn't stand up to the run all the time. It was held together with athletic tape and happy thoughts. But somehow they managed to be just good enough to propel the team to 13-3. I think its also fair to say that the defense, with the exception of one painful play, played pretty damn well yesterday.

There were a lot of games this year where Chargers fans had to seriously wonder going in how the Bolts were going to manage. How to handle the speed and explosiveness of the Eagles? How to go into Denver and wrestle away the division? How to stop the Dallas running game? How to handle the New York pass rush? How to deal with a physically punishing and emotionally fired up Bengals team? They passed all these tests, but ultimately failed the final exam.

Norv did a good job this year. Ultimately the failure rests on him, but hopefully he can learn from this as they all need to and be better moving forward.

Its just a game, and I know how silly it seems that sports should effect people at all, especially people who aren't even part of the team. Even if they had gone all the way this year, none of us would be getting Super Bowl Rings and Cristal showers. But still, this is rough. I've not been deprived of titles in my life as a sports fan, but the Chargers are my favorite team in my favorite sport playing in my favorite city. I wanted a Super Bowl for them. I wanted it for the city of San Diego. I wanted it for the franchise. I wanted it for all the players we love and coaches we love to hate.

But most of all, I wanted it for LT. He's given so much to the team and its fans, and the only thing he ever wanted was to win a Super Bowl for them. Its sad to think that the probabilities are strongly against him ever getting to play in the Super Bowl, and the odds are probably even longer against him doing it for the Bolts.

Things get pretty blurry from here, complicated by a large free agent class which might not actually exist, depending on a CBA which will probably not exist. The salary cap is likely coming off this year, which could be a blessing or a curse depending on how the Chargers play it. The Chargers have 6 draft picks currently, are 28th in the order, and are unlikely to get much help from supplemental picks.

At this point the only thing we can say for certain is that there will be changes. And, as always, more challenges ahead.

Arlington or Bust.

Outage: Remix

2010-01-17T23:13:00.002-05:00

I'm not sure how I forgot it in my previous post, but no set of uplifting words in a time of defeat would be complete without the wisdom of Python.

Outage

2010-01-17T20:43:00.005-05:00

Well, that sucked. We've seen this movie before, and its always true that sequeals are worse than the originals. In this case the original was awful, meaning that the sequel is really bad.

Its sad. Its frustrating. Its really bad when you stop to realize that a number of our favorite core players are probably not going to be around next year for a number of reasons. Its especially bad considering the grim possibilities of an uncapped year and a potential lockout down the road.

Of course, its just a game. The sun will rise tomorrow.

A few words of encouragement may help. The first is from a very wise woman:

Success is counted sweetest
By those who ne'er succeed.
To comprehend a nectar
Requires sorest need.

Not one of all the purple host
Who took the flag to-day
Can tell the definition,
So clear, of victory!

As he, defeated, dying,
On whose forbidden ear
The distant strains of triumph
Burst agonized and clear!

That's the poet Emily Dickinson. I doubt she knew or cared much of football, but her words ring true.

The next words come from a very wise man.

93 days till the draft.

Badvertising: Avatrailer

2010-01-15T20:14:00.004-05:00

I finally saw Avatar today. I went despite knowing basically the whole storyline (and knowing that the storyline was hackneyed and lame). Normally I don't go to crappy movies just for the visual effects, because most just aren't that great no matter how much they spend on CGI and C4, but with all the buzz Avatar has gotten I knew I had to see it on the big screen just to experience it.

The results were... kinda underwhelming. Mostly I felt like i was watching a cartoon, which I basically was. Then there's the boring story, the super heavy handed bitch slap of an allegory, tons of logical problems, plot holes and a nice topping of Deux ex Machina.

But really, Avatar isn't a movie, its a spectacle, so its not worth thinking too hard about. Instead, I feel like ripping into something even less entertaining than the movie itself: the crappy trailers for even crappier movies which I was forced to endure. Lets dive right in:

Percy Jackson and the Olympians

Oh Pierce Brosnan. How far you have fallen. You were James freaking Bond! One of the good Bonds, even in the crapfest "Die Another Day". How did it come to this?

I give this movie (based on some books, apparently) credit. The writer clearly didn't want to be accused of making a giant "Harry Potter" ripoff, so they made the main character not wear glasses. Totally different. Good thing its probably gonna flop badly at the box office, because that means there won't be any monetary reason for JK Rowling to sue. Of course, she's super rich anyway, so maybe she'll do it just to punish them for their audacity. Here's hoping.

Knight and Day

I can't embed this next video, so you'll have to got to Youtube to see it.

What the hell is this crap? Would the studio not green light another "Mission Impossible" title? The action is cheesy and there is no apparent story, which can't bode well for it. Tom Cruise, you don't have to be an action star anymore.

Salt

Lame. And that hairpiece looks awful on Angelina Jolie.

Despicable Me

This one doesn't seem so bad actually, but maybe we just don't see enough to tell what the actual story is. Based on the animation, I first thought it was a sequel to "The Incredibles". The only real criticism I have of this trailer is the time wasted listing all the names of the voice actors. In most cases I just don't care who a voice actor is, even when I actually know who the hell the actor is, which I don't for about half of these. I guarantee kids don't care either, so its especially weird considering this looks like a kids movie. Not really a great marketing choice.

Shrek 4 Ever After

You listen to me Dreamworks: leave my Shrek alone! Stop squeezing the life out of it!

At least they say this will be the final chapter, which is a good sign. And it was great to see Donkey finally get some waffles.

LT Slide!

2010-01-10T20:20:00.005-05:00

We are in strange and dangerous territory here people!

The most I have been able to find out is that there is a sketch comedy duo, Tim and Eric, who apparently make cheesy videos like this. They are the two goofy looking white guys in this video. How LT came into contact with them, and how he was convinced to dress up and help make this crime against music, fashion and good taste is beyond me. Though from the look of things, it didn't take much convincing to get LT on board with the project.

We better win now. For the love of God we better win, cause its the only way LT will ever justify this sequel to the Super Bowl Shuffle. Bring on the JETS!

UPDATE: I think there is a simpler explanation. This is probably a Nike viral ad. Everyone in the video is wearing the same shoes, all Nike, and the swoosh is on those footballs as well. The video is posted on youtube by someone called "Raiderssuck760" who has no previous youtube postings. (They also claim to be 30 years old... could this be LT himself?!?) But the biggest giveaway is that this song is playing on the radio in LTs car in his famous Kimbo Slice commercial from last year. Listen carefully to the beginning of the ad:

If this is a commercial, it doesn't do anything for my desire to buy Nike. It does, however, make me love LT even more than before!

Ode to a fine fish

2009-12-09T00:08:00.003-05:00

Tasty salmon, fresh and pink
Of happy times you make me think

Lovely raw, a dash of soy
Topping bagels, lox bring joy

Kiss of smoke will make it keep
Candy from the oceans deep

Sear it light, saute in pan
oven baked, a foolproof plan

Lemon, thyme, spiced or sweet,
All will give your tongue a treat

A single flaw which I can nag
The numbers on your price tag!

Baiting the Trap

2009-12-05T14:44:00.005-05:00

I do not like this one bit.

NFL Network had a segment this week about Norv. The video is now posted on NFL.com. The segment consists of 4 analysts spending ten minutes- TEN MINUTES- lionizing, waxing poetic, and otherwise praising Norv. Talking about the job he's done, how he's "totally underrated", and a viable Coach of the Year candidate. Put this in perspective: this network can do a whole game "preview" or review all the highlights of an entire game in under 5 minutes. And they spent 10 minutes loving Norv?

No, no, no! Do not praise the Norv!

Listen, I like Norv. I actually think he's a decent coach whose done a good job with the Chargers. But like the rest of this Charger team, he's at his best flying under the radar. Way under the radar. Ignore them, ridicule them, discount them all you want, and they'll move along and quietly win. Praise them and bad things will happen. Bad things like losing games which this team is absolutely supposed to win.

Now we have the hot, hot, hot, Chargers heading into cold, cold, cold, Cleveland tomorrow to take on the hapless Browns. Its in the bag, right? No way they suffer one of the all-time letdowns and prove unworthy of all the praise being heaped upon them, right?

Badvertising: Target "Santa"

2009-12-03T23:37:00.008-05:00

Cause at least Santa still has his job!

I sure hope Jolly old Saint Nick left some coupons for marriage counseling in their stockings. Or at least some good chocolate.

I get what this commercial is trying to say about Target and their affordable prices. This is good, both as a fact and an advertising strategy. But it kinda falls apart at the end, when instead of a joyous moment we get a very tense situation which leaves us wondering about the strength of this couple's relationship. The last 5 seconds of this commercial are almost painful to watch. Maybe Santa left a chainsaw under the tree so they can cut the tension lingering in the air.

The holidays are stressful enough, it doesn't make sense to advertise that shopping at your store could inflame the yuletide emotions in a negative way.

And God is that an ugly tree.

Organic Overloards?

2009-12-03T22:53:00.004-05:00

The Organic Milk has become self aware. It has realized its imprisonment and has used its superior lactose based reasoning to find an escape from its jug jail. I can only assume its next move is to exact revenge on its captors.

You have been warned!

The (Potential) Mistake by the Lake

2009-12-02T20:50:00.013-05:00

Life is pretty good for Charger fans these days. A record of 8-3, a six game winning streak, first place in the division. The Offense is third in scoring, the Defense has figured out how to stop people. LT is scoring TDs at a decent rate. The team controls its own playoff destiny and can win its way into a division title and a bye week.

I have only one feeling about this week's game against the lowly Browns:

Admiral Akbar knows about Traps. And I'd bet there's a good chance he's a Charger fan, given that his natural habitat is the ocean. I'm in agreement with him, this doesn't feel right.

This game worries precisely because it doesn't seem to worry anyone else. The game is on the road. The weather will be lousy. Injuries are a concern, with no Weddle for sure and probably no Merriman or Castillo. The coaches seem to think that Cleveland is such a pushover that they'll probably rest any nicked up starters so they can be ready for Dallas.

I don't like it.

True, the Browns are hideous. They stink out loud. But they're still an NFL team, filled with (technically) NFL players who you can bet will be playing their butts off in order to try and earn future NFL paychecks. That's the thing about pro football: no matter the record, players either play like their hair is on fire or they quickly find themselves selling insurance. Eric Mangini, for all his failings this year, is still an NFL coach, and you can bet your powder blue beanies that he's doing everything and anything to try and keep his job. Consider the stops pulled out, possibly thrown into the wind along with any caution the Browns might still have left.

NFL Network ran a segment this week where they asked if the Chargers were the "Forgotten Team". Three analysts then spent the segment praising the Chargers and predicting great things for them, even going so far as to say they were the one team the Colts wanted no part of in the playoffs.

I don't like it at all.

Even if I'm wrong and we get by the Browns this week, don't go printing those division title T-Shirts and playoff tickets just yet. The last 4 games will all be tough contests, 3 against teams trying to handle their own playoff business, with 2 on the road. Meanwhile the suddenly resurrected Broncos are nipping at the Charger's heals, and their remaining schedule leaves something to be desired. Two of their games are with the Chiefs and one is with the Raiders. They play the Colts, who could be resting starters by then, and the Eagles, who haven't looked very strong lately. This playoff race isn't over, and with one slip up the Bolts could go from a bye to a Wild Card bid (or worse!).

So let's keep our eye on the ball and avoid any screw ups this week. The Chargers have only one Ewok to try and bail them out, and he hasn't scored a TD in 5 weeks.

Half a league... Half a League...

2009-12-01T17:05:00.008-05:00

Tonight, President Obama is going to address the nation from West Point in order to make official his plans for future military action in Afghanistan. These plans will involve an estimated 30,000 new Soldiers and Marines, mostly combat troops, who will begin deployment this month. Supposedly the deployment will be for 19 months, ending in July 2011, and the mission is to engage the Taliban, stabilize the government, and most importantly train some kind of functional Afghani security force.

Like many Americans I'm deeply conflicted about the Afghanistan conflict. The realist (or perhaps the pessimist) in my says that what's done is done, and we should get the hell out of there. Afghanistan is the rock upon which mighty empires have broken themselves, and it is foolish not to heed that warning from history. True, this isn't quite the same as the 1980s. We aren't fighting a proxy war against a Cold War enemy with deep pockets. But its still a guerrilla war, fought on enemy ground, against a fanatical and resourceful enemy. The cost in blood and treasure has already been high, and its foolish to throw good after bad. We shouldn't keep doing something just because we have already sunk so much into it.

Finally, neither the end goal or the strategy of the war seems particularly clear at this point. Hopefully this last point will be cleared up tonight.

The more idealist side of me says that the war in Afghanistan needs to be carried out to the end, and its not so simple as pulling up the flag and heading home. Whatever happens, and whatever the shortcomings and faults of the situation there, we owe it to ourselves and to the people of Afghanistan to finish the job there and be sure that the Taliban can never come back into power and that Al Qaeda cannot regain its haven. The Taliban are monsters, the scum of humanity, and to let them come back into the picture as we sneak off into the night would be both a major threat to our security and a shame on our national honor. I realize that the concept of national honor probably isn't very comforting to a child whose parent is separated form them, possibly forever, and it shouldn't be the primary motivation behind our security decisions. Nevertheless, if our national ideals mean anything than we can't abandon the innocent to the wolves.

I realize its not so simple as choosing to fight on or not. There are issues of strategy, cost, sacrifice which must be considered. In addition, there are potentially much bigger challenges we face outside Afghanistan from Iran, Pakistan and other nations. Hopefully we can address those issues peacefully and diplomatically, but whatever happens in Afghanistan its ignorant to think that is the be all and end all of our national security strategy.

I sincerely hope that the President's long deliberation process on this matter has produced the best possible decision.

If I had the President's ear today I'd make one suggestion for his speech tonight. Its a sad truth that the burden of our wars is no longer shared by all Americans. Most of us, myself included, go on with our lives with little thought for the sacrifices borne by our troops in the field or by their families. In addition, the monetary cost of war is being shirked as well by a public which has been conditioned for generations to think of any an all taxes are evil.

I know it would be political suicide for the President to suggest that the rest of us make up for this by actually paying for the war via a "war tax" or "war surcharge", so I suggest he challenge America to help out the war effort in voluntary ways. Americans are (or were) proud of their ability to sacrifice to solve problems, so I hope he can take this opportunity to call on that pride.

There are numerous charities and organizations which work tirelessly to improve the lives of veterans and their families, and I would advise President Obama to mention them in his speech and encourage Americans to donate their time, energy, and of course their money. As a strong gesture to kick off this effort, I would advise the President to pledge at least a portion of his Nobel Prize money to one or more of these organizations. Such an act, while small in the grand scheme, should go a long way towards encouraging others to do their part.

Empty Sacks

2009-11-29T21:52:00.004-05:00

One of several cliches which I hate is the notion that "statistics lie". Mark Twain's famous quote about there being "lies, damn lies, and statistics" has been over quoted about a million times (source: OMD). Contrary to what many people may think, statistics DO NOT lie. They can't lie. They are just numbers, which makes them incapable of lying. You can have false statistics, which is a different issue because someone else is lying by making them up, but assuming the statistics are accurate in what they are measuring then they are not lying. They can be misinterpreted, misanalysed, misappropriated and otherwise mistreated, but they can't lie.

Statistics are merely numbers which tell parts of a story in quantifiable ways. In order to really get the most out of them, you have to think, something that most people lack the time or inclination (or both) to do. And an important part of this thinking involves realizing the limitations of what statistics can and can't tell us about a given phenomenon.

Today's victory against the Chiefs can remind us of the interesting ways in which stats can't quite capture everything that goes on in a football game. Simply looking through the box score, or at the accumulated stats of a team or player, can never tell us the whole story, because of course the whole story isn't easily quantifiable.

The Charger defense played fairly well today, giving up just 14 points and limiting the Chiefs to 284 yards of offense. They managed to do with without three of their best players, who were all down for most or all of the game with injury. Most importantly, they forced 4 turnovers. But surprisingly, the Chargers actually recorded no sacks today. Someone without knowledge of the game itself might look at this and think that the Chargers were unable to generate any sort of pass rush today, but this would be wrong. The Chargers actually had several plays which were nearly sacks but actually ended up better than sacks.

(EDIT: after writing this post, I actually looked over the Chargers.com message boards, and this subject was already a discussion topic. Someone who hadn't seen the game had looked at the sack stats and was bemoaning the Charger lack of pass rush.)

Paul Oliver would have had a sack if not for the inexplicable fumble by Matt Cassell. Instead Oliver got a gift TD, which was a much better outcome. Similarly, Larry English could have had a sack except that he beat Cassell to recovering a fumble. Dobbins also would have had a sack if not for the intentional grounding call. The result was the same, a safety, but no sack recorded.

So in this case you have at least three would be sacks which the Bolts missed out on, but it was actually to their benefit to do so! It won't help them in the league standings for most team sacks, but the actual outcome was better.

Looking at LT's stat line, you can see another way statistics fail to tell the whole story. True, he had 2 TDs, but he gained a mere 39 yards on the ground. From this we might conclude that he had a poor game, but the reality is that he played as much as the Chargers needed him, and was basically pulled from the game pretty early on because it was a rout.

Its not fair to blame the stats for this. They aren't inaccurate at all, they are just limited by their nature. A sack can only be a sack, it can't be anything else. Its a good example of how statistics are merely a tool which require careful thought and consideration in order to be utilized properly.

Showdown in Denver

2009-11-21T16:47:00.005-05:00

As much as I'd like to take credit for predicting the Chargers catching up to the Broncos by this weekend, sadly I was too lazy (or gutless) to actually write it down. Hence I have no proof of my prediction, not that it matters.

I wanna take this opportunity to say that I do not have a good feeling about tomorrow's showdown. I know I should, given the winning streak and the Broncos losing streak and the injury to Orton and Big Daddy LT's sudden resurgence. Conventional wisdom says this should be a mile-high cakewalk.

Which is exactly why I feel uneasy about it. I hate conventional wisdom, and I especially hate it when it comes to football, because football is a game which refuses to do what people say it should do. Every single story about the game has put forth the narrative of a suddenly invincible Chargers team heading into Denver to finish off a Broncos team in its final death throws. In just the latest example of lazy sports journalism, every article I've read or video I've watched about it has used the the phrase "two teams moving in opposite directions".

Yes, the Chargers have won 4 in a row. One of those was against the Chiefs. The next was at home against the Raiders, and that required a last minute defensive stand. The last two were against marginally better than .500 teams, and both of those games went down to the wire. I'm not trying to discount the wins, but its a great example of the fact that winning solves everything. Each of the last three games could have easily been lost but for a few key plays.

On the flip side the Broncos have lost 3 in a row. Two of those games were too very strong teams, and the other was on the road without their starting QB playing for a half. As bad as a losing streak is, they should still be considered dangerous.

Hopefully it all works out and this isn't an issue. I just know that the NFL is a league where the line between success is thin and chalky. Hopefully the Bolts can find themselves on the right side of it tomorrow.

The Big Questions in Life

2009-11-16T21:27:00.004-05:00

Ok, so I was half wrong and half right. I was right to say that the Packer-Cowboys game would be a pile of blah, I was wrong in predicting the Cowboys to come out on top. Congrats to the Packers for their win.

I have an interesting situation this evening which comes up every so often for those of us who play fantasy football. I've already won for this week. I have more points than my opponent, and while all his players are done, I still have one player going in the Monday Night Game.

So the question is this: start, or sit?

In this situation I'm far enough ahead that a points backslide into a loss seems very unlikely, so it really doesn't matter. The other issue here is that any points my player gets will help me in a tiebreaker situation, and for that reason alone I'm gonna play him. However, I believe that anything that can happen certainly will, especially in football, so I did seriously consider benching my player and banking my victory before Hank Williams Jr. came on to sing.

There are two schools of thought on the subject. The sportsman in me says that you should play him, in accordance with the spirit of the game. The strung out victory junkie in me says that you bench him and enjoy your good fortune. This is the NFL after all, even if its just Fantasy Football (JUST!), and in the end you are indeed what your record says you are. It doesn't matter if you lose because you valued fake sportsmanship over fake victory.

Another excuse to hit the bar...

2009-11-12T20:18:00.005-05:00

A quick thought: Screw you, Fox.

This Sunday at 4PM, approximately 124% of the nation is going to be subject to the Fox Broadcast of the Cowboys at Packers game. Seriously, check out the broadcast map. Its Fox's Marquee Game of the Week, and we know this because they put Joe Buck in the booth. Oh Joy!

Look at that map. The red bleeds into every nook and cranny of our great nation. The other games hardly have enough room to breath. Typically markets will get the games of teams in their division, but you don't even get that here with the exception of northern Colorado. Not Southern Colorado. Just the north half of the State.

They don't even have the decency to show the Chargers vs. Eagles in all of Colorado, or in Oakland or Kansas City. And I have to imagine there are plenty of Eagles fans in the rest of Pennsylvania, New Jersey and New York who really don't give a damn about the Cowboys and Packers. Plus I guarantee there are plenty of Charger fans in, say LOS ANGELES who might be curious as to how that game is going.

The Cowboys are a good but unspectacular team. They have little star power. And the Packers are bad and have no star power. This is not a marquee match up. So why is most of the nation being subjected to it? Short answer: Because the Cowboys are "America's Team"!

Gag.

Memo to Fox: No one likes the Cowboys. Sure a few people do, but really most people dislike them. It's not that they're just indifferent to them. Most NFL fans The only possibly joy they would get from watching them is if they were ripped limb from limb by their opponent. And that's not likely to happen against a team which just lost to the freaking Buccaneers.

In fact, its more likely that Wade's Warriors will rip off at least one of Aaron Rogers limbs off, given that the Packer's O-Line is so godawful that they should be arrested tried for committing assault and battery on their own QB. Check out this cool website which tracks all his punishment throughout the season.

So basically we're going to be subjected to 3 hours of Buck and Aikman praising the Cowboys non stop, with a special focus on Tony Romo. And you just know that given the games' location, a certain QB who shall not be named and isn't even playing in the game will be mentioned at least 2 dozen times.

My only hope is that the Cowboys manage to blow out the Packers horrifically and are up 40 points at the half so Fox will mercifully switch stations, but now that I've said I want that I know its not gonna happen. My prediction: The Cowboys jump out early and maintain a double digit lead for most of the game. Two close to switch networks, not close enough to be an interesting game.

I guess what I'm really saying is: could you please show the Eagles/Chargers game?