Last night was a classic episode familiar to any Simpsons fan, "Homer at the Bat", which debuted in February 1992. It was a big episode for the series, featuring several high profile guest stars and marking the first time that the Simpsons beat out the reigning Sitcom king, The Cosby Show, in viewer share. In the episode Homer's company softball team is taken over by Mr. Burns, who replaces Homer and his coworkers with Major League ringers. Of course, prior to the big championship game the majority fall prey to various comic mishaps, forcing our blue collar heroes to pick up the slack.
Burns's lineup is impressive, featuring 9 MLB all-stars who each took the time to lend their voices to the project. Sixteen years have passed since the episode first aired. Looking over the talent picked for the show, which was meant to be a representation of the best in the game at the time (the best who would agree to show up to record their voices, at least), I was interested in what become of that fabled lineup in the intervening years. So here's a rundown of each ringer's history before, during, and after that classic episode. For the sake of this analysis, everything prior to the 1992 season is considered prior and the period from 1992 on is considered to be after the episode. The ringers never actually played a game, meaning their potential batting order is a mystery, so I'll run them down in position number order.1) Roger Clemens, P
Prior to Episode: 8 seasons with the Red Sox. 4 time all-star, 3 time AL Cy-Young winner. Had a monster 1986 season, winning the Cy Young, MVP, All-star MVP and Player of the Year (duh!). Tied an MLB record with a 20 strikeout game in 1986.
Episode: Broke Homer's Wonderbat with blazing fastball. Hypnotized into believing he's a
Chicken. Clemens did his own chicken sounds during recording.Since: Opened a Chicken Restaurant. Honestly. Baseball-wise, "The Rocket" had a successful 24 year career which ended just last season. Clemens won 4 more Cy Young awards and his 7 total Cys are the most ever. Finished his career with an incredible 4672Ks, 354 wins, and 2 World Series rings. Widely despised by Red Sox fans for turning traitor and joining the hated Yankees, and by many others for his willingness to throw at batters' heads and generally being a jerk. Despite this, should have been a sure fire, no-doubt lock for the Hall of Fame. That is, until he was outed as the number 1 name in the Mitchell report, which accused him of extensive steroid use leading to his incredible longevity as a top pitcher. Since then there's been denials, drama, lawsuits, drama, gossip, drama, "evidence", drama, and a general consensus that he's not getting anywhere near Cooperstown anytime soon. He also had an alleged affair with then 15 year old country music star Mindy Mcready. Sometimes being a chicken doesn't seem like such a bad option.
2) Mike Scioscia, C
Prior: Definitely the weak link on this squad. A 2 time all-star in 13 seasons, batting .259 with only 68 career HRs and a perfectly mediocre OPS+ of 99. Sosh was known for his defense, sacrificing his body protecting the plate from wild pitches and barreling baserunners alike. These skills aren't as valuable in slow pitch softball, but I'm sure he would have done a fine job whatever the situation.
During: "I'm here to run the Solid Contaminant Encapsulator." Scioscia doesn't get the whole "ringer" concept. His real interest is working at the Nuclear Plant,
which he regards as a relaxing break from the pressures of Big League ball. Its a perfect reflection of Scioscia's enthusiasm for both baseball and the Simpsons. According to production notes, the writer's first choice for catcher was Hall of Famer Carlton Fisk. After he declined they turned to Sosh, who eagerly jumped at the opportunity. Sadly, he works a little too hard at the nuclear plant and comes down with what appears to be a fatal case of acute radiation poisoning.After: The radiation didn't kill him, but it may have killed his waning career. He played only 1 more year in the Majors, batting a miserable .221 before injuries forced him to hang em up. You can't keep a good man down, and Sosh found a second career as a coach. He's managed the Anaheim Angels of nowhere near Los Angeles for the last 9 seasons, leading them to 4 AL west titles, 1 World Series crown, and winning the 2002 AL Manager of the Year Award for his efforts.
3) Don Mattingly, 1B
Prior: "Donnie Baseball" was a six time all star, six time gold glove winner, and 1985 AL MVP,
the second MVP to grace Mr. Burns's roster.During: Runs afoul of the strict Manager Burns, repeatedly disobeying his orders to "trim those sideburns". Is cut from team as a result, and as he leaves delivers perhaps the finest line in the entire episode, saying of Mr. Burns: "I still like him better than Steinbrenner".
The choice is obvious 
After: Life imitates art. Yankee owner George Steinbrenner benched Mattingly for refusing to get a haircut. Many people think that since the real life incident took place in late 1991 and the episode aired in early 1992, the episode was poking fun at the real life benching. According the the writers the opposite is true, as the writing and recording of Mattingly's part took place prior to Steinbrenner's disciplining of his star player. Spooky. Eventually Mattingly saw the field again, playing 4 more years. His All-Star days were over but he won 3 more gold gloves and retired with a .307 lifetime average. A marginal HOF candidate, he's so far failed to get close to the necessary vote share for induction.
4) Steve Sax, 2b
Prior: A ten year veteran and winner of the 1982 NL Rookie of the Year. Was a 5 time all-star and 2 time World Series champ. In 1983 developed "Steve Blass Disease", which was later renamed "Steve Sax Disease" in his honor, making him and Lou Gehrig the only Major League players to have a disease named after them. Fortunately for Sax, instead of slowly destroying his body like LGD, SSD merely made him incapable of the simplest 
of defensive moves, throwing from second base to first. Eventually recovered in time to be selected for Burns's wonder squad.
During: Like Scioscia, Sax was the second choice of the Simpsons writers, who were first turned down by Hall of Famer Ryan Sandberg. Leaves his gig in "The Steve Sax Trio", a jazz ensemble, to join the softball team. Raises the suspicions of the Springfield Police Department due to his being from New York. The boys in blue quickly pin every unsolved case in town on the stranger from the big city, who faces 6 consecutive life sentences and was therefore unavailable to play softball.
After: Released from prison after a successful appeal, but life on the outside was different than before. Played only 1 more full season, batting a career worst .236, and retired after two more partial seasons. Is not considered Hall of Fame worthy. Apparently learned financial planning while incarcerated, as he now works as a financial consultant to other professional athletes, helping them to avoid squandering their riches and plan for retirement. His Steve Sax Disease is in remission, but apparently is still contagious, as he managed to infect Yankee second baseman Chuck Knoblauch with it later on.
5) Wade Boggs, 3b
Prior: A 7 time All-star in 10 seasons with the Red Sox. Led the AL in Batting 5 times in the 1980s, including 4 years in a row. 
Known for his superstitious behavior, including eating chicken for dinner every day before a game.
During: Makes the mistake of discussing British politics with local drunk Barney Gumble. His insistence that England's greatest Prime Minister was Pitt the Elder enrages Barney, and their dispute soon escalates into fisticuffs. Barney's spirited argument for Lord Palmerston's preeminence, finished off with a devastating right cross, leaves Boggs literally speechless, minus a few teeth, and knocked out cold. He apparently does not recover in time to make the softball game.
After: Like his teammate Clemens, Boggs would soon leave the Red Sox for the hated Yankees. He appeared in 5 more All-star games and eventually won a World Series in Pinstripes. Held on for 2 years with lowly Tampa Bay in pursuit of his 3000th hit in the big leagues. Retired after 1999 with a .328 lifetime average and a healthy respect for the accomplishments of Lord Palmerson. Inducted into the Hall of Fame in 2005. No word on what he thought of Clemens's chicken restaurant.
Distant Future: According to Futurama, Wade Boggs will survive as a venerated celebrity into the 3000s, with his head kept alive in a jar alongside fellow Hall of Famer "Hammering" Hank Aaron.
6) Ozzie Smith, SS
Prior: "The Wizard of Oz" is known as perhaps the best defensive 
shortstop in Major League History. Before his softball days he earned Major League All Star honors 11 times, won 12 consecutive gold gloves, and was a World Series Champion with the Cards.
During: Ozzie's love of tourist traps leads him to the Springfield Mystery Spot. This is one trap that lives up to its name, as he literally falls into another dimension and is unable to escape in time to play 
softball.
After: After remembering he was a Wizard and using his magic to escape the Mystery Spot, Ozzie rejoined the Cardinals and finished his career in St. Louis. In his 5 remaining years he was 4 times an All-star and won another Gold Glove. Despite having mediocre batting numbers, his defensive mastery and general awesomeness made him a HOF lock, and he accepted his spot in Cooperstown in 2002.
7) Jose Canseco, LF
Prior: Seven seasons with the Oakland A's. Canseco was one half of the famous "Bash Brothers" who led the A's to 4 World Series, including 2 victories. 1986 AL ROY, 1988 AL MVP, and a 4 time all star. During his MVP year he led the AL in Home runs and became the first player ever to hit 40 dingers and steal 40 bases in a season, a remarkable achievement which gives an indication of his incredible athletic talent. One of the biggest superstars in baseball at the time, his inclusion on this team was a no-brainer. 
During: Baseball fans may notice that the animated Canseco doesn't seem to look, sound, or act anything like his real life counterpart. It turns out the writers had to make some script changes at Canseco's insistence.
According to the production notes, Canseco was originally supposed to have overslept the softball game after a tryst with Ms. Krabappel, Bart's 4th grade teacher. The real Canseco (and Mrs. Canseco) didn't like this and insisted on a more heroic writing for his character. Apparently a real life tryst with Madonna was ok, but animated infidelity crossed the line. Instead, Jose spends hours saving a woman's baby, cat, player piano and large appliances from a raging house fire. Noble indeed, and probably the last good thing anyone can remember Canseco doing.
After: It was mostly downhill after his Simpsons cameo. Traded in 1992 to the Rangers, Canseco famously let a home run bounce off his head, and later blew out his arm when he tried to pitch a single inning in a runaway loss. He had a few productive seasons later on but injuries limited his playing time and effectiveness. Bouncing around with half a dozen teams, Canseco became sort of a living joke among baseball fans. He finished with 462 home runs but got only 1.1% of the vote when he became eligible for the Hall of Fame. 
While his playing days were over, Canseco wasn't done with baseball. He wrote a best selling tell all book, Juiced, admitting to extensive steroid use and naming names of other alleged users in the big leagues. Lots and lots and lots of names. Dismissed at first as the wild ramblings of an attention whore, eventually some evidence came to light proving Canseco wasn't a total liar. His book led to a full Congressional inquiry, the Mitchell Report, and has probably destroyed the Hall of Fame chances of at least five former players. Canseco himself is now something of a cross between Bob Woodward and Benedict Arnold. Except flat broke. Not content to bask in simple "I told ya so's", and desperate for money after blowing his considerable fortune, Canseco will soon release another book, Vindicated, in which he supposedly names every other baseball player that he didn't name in Juiced, including several who died long before steroids were even discovered. He also has become a boxer and is so desperate for cash that he'll soon fight an exhibition match for $5,000 in Atlantic City. In the Simpsons episode, there's a joke about $50,000 to play one game for Burns being a "Pay cut" for Canseco. Clearly his portfolio has seen better days.
8) Ken Griffy Jr., CF
Prior: By far the youngest of the ringers, "The Kid" had played just 3 major league seasons prior to 1992. However, he was a 2 time All star and gold glove winner, and his fame was due to his image as a sort of baseball prodigy, a young player who could do it all. Junior had the rare honor of being teammates with his own father, and the pair even managed to hit back-to-back home runs in a Major League Game.
During: Suffers a terrible case of "gigantism" after consuming large amounts of Brain and 
Nerve Tonic.
After: Recovered enough to play baseball again, but the lingering effects of "gigantism" apparently made his bones, joints, tendons and muscles extra susceptible to injuries. Griffey is famous for his trips to the disabled list, missing large parts of 7 seasons and bringing frustration to millions of fantasy baseball owners. Nevertheless, his career when healthy has been incredible and continues to this day. Since weening himself from the tonic Griffey has been chosen for 11 All-star games, won 8 gold gloves, the 1997 AL MVP, and led the AL in homers 4 times. Recently hit his 600th home run, a feat accomplished by only a handful of major leaguers in history. Many think that without his injury woes he would have been a serious threat to the all time home run mark, but instead he'll have to settle for a run of the mill, Hall of Fame worthy career.
Prior: A nine year veteran and 1983 NL Rookie of the Year. "The Straw" was an 8 time all star who scared pitchers around the league with his powerful hitting. Led the NL in home runs in 1988, finishing second in the MVP race only because of the magical year of Dodger Kirk Gibson. Won a world series in 1986 with the Mets, and in 1991 signed as a free agent with his hometown Dodgers. By age 29 he had almost 300 career home runs, meaning that a good second half of his
career would secure a bid to Cooperstown. Despite all his success, some regarded him as an underachiever, and Strawberry had a host of off the field problems, including legal troubles and rumors of substance abuse (he was an 86 Met for God sakes, those guys used cocaine to sweeten their coffee). However, he was still a beloved superstar to many baseball fans.During: Sober. A team first kind of player with a great attitude. Of all the guest stars, Strawberry was the most promiently featured in the episode, a result of his real world fame and his taking over of Homer's position in right field. He's the only ringer who actually plays in the big game. His 9 home runs keep Springfield in it, but in the crucial spot Mr. Burns pitch hits Homer for Strawberry, a move which proves brilliant and secures the win.
After: Apparently devestated by Bart and Lisa's cruel taunting, or from the shock of being removed in favor of Homer, his career began a sharp slide. He never again made an All-star team. 1991 was his last full season, and after that injuries and cocaine combined to limit his playing time. After a stint at the Betty Ford Clinic he landed with the Yankees, where he contributed as a part time player for several years, winning 2 more World Series in the process. He was diagnosed with cancer in the 1998 but underwent treatment and recovered enough to return for 24 games in 1999 before calling it quits. His legal problems continued and in 2002 he was forced to serve 22 months in prison on a drug charge. Happily, indications are that Straw is now drug and cancer free and otherwise keeping out of trouble.
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