Beep... Beep... Beeeeepppppppp

November 30th, 2008. 8:14 PM, EST: I type the following words into my Google box:

NFL Draft Order 2009

It took me a minute to realize what I had done, but then it dawned on me: this is the first thing I do after the end of a Charger season.

Charger fans, its all but over for the 2008 season. Today's lackluster loss combined with the Broncos' takedown of the Jets puts the Bolts 3 games back with 4 to play. Technically there is the smallest glimpse of hope for the Bolts, but it will take only a little bit more for the life support keeping this season alive to fail and for 2008 to finally flatline.

Looking ahead, some things are promising and some things are not. We'll get a decent draft selection, anywhere from #8 to #20, though our second round pick is gone to the Patriots. Speaking of which, our slip back into second place was poorly timed in terms of future scheduling. The same slide occurred in New England and Indy this year, meaning that next year we'll get the Colts and Patriots yet again, while the Broncos will get the Jets and the Titans. We have to go to Indy, who shows no sign of slowing down, and we'll host the Patriots, who will have Tom Brady back along with the fruit of our 2nd round draft pick.

Next season is really the last rodeo for this group of Chargers players. Age is rapidly stalking LT and Jamal, while Merriman, Igor, Rivers, Jackson, McNeil, Cro and others all will be nearing the end of their contracts in the next year or two. And Norv will likely be on his last chance next year as well, though he might just stay long enough to squander our remaining talent.

What really bugs me about looking forward is that nothing really will change as far as the main pieces are concerned. A few additions, a few subtractions, but nothing major. So what is supposed to transform this year's failure into next year's success? What will smooth out the offense, or light a fire under the defense? Will the playcalling change, or the lack of urgency? Time can only tell, but its time we are running out of.

A quick prediction

A quick mid-afternoon College football mini-post. Regarding the Big-12 South drama, to be decided by today's BCS standings: Oklahoma.

They Sooners have jumped the Longhorns in the Coaches poll. They were already ahead in the Harris poll, and the computers are pretty much a wash.

The Sooners will be your Big 12 Champs. They should make short work of Missouri in a game where the over under should be around 168.

The National title game will be the Sooners and the SEC Championship game winner, who I predict will be Florida.

Your 30 seconds of thinking about it probable bowl lineup:

Rose: PSU vs. USC
Fiesta: Texas vs. Utah
Sugar: Alabama vs. Cincinnati
Orange: ACC Champ vs. Boise State
BCS NCG: Florida vs. Oklahoma

I think Oklahoma is definitely a worthy BCS title game team. They can play with, and beat, anyone in the country. But I don't think they should go, since I don't think they should win the Big-12 South. Texas beat them on a neutral field. If the choice is between Texas and Oklahoma then I don't see how Texas cannot be the chioce. However, the choice is (at least nominally) between UT, OK and TTU, and that's what sinks Texas.

My only decision now is to decide my title game rooting interest. Which team do I dislike more: the team I don't think should be there, or the SEC champ. Pretty easy, actually. Though this method has successfully picked the loser the last 2 years. Lots of luck, Stoops.

NFL Picks: Week 13

I've been sleeping on the job in recent weeks, and the holiday this week didn't help much. I've already missed 3 games this week, which I probably would have gone 2-1 on. Here's an abbreviated pick post for the rest of this weeks games:

Ravens -7 Bengals
Colts -5 Browns
Rams +7.5 Fish
Packers -3 Carolina
Saints +5 Bucs
Skins +3.5 Giants
Bills -6 49ers
Steelers +1.5 Patriots
Raiders +3 Chefs
Jets -8 Broncos
Chargers -5.5 Falcons
Bears +2.5 Vikings
Jags +3 Texans

Enjoy the games, we'll try to get this train rolling again real soon.

Yiddish Word of the Day: Bupkis

Hello, all you menchs and mohels. Time for your Yiddish word of the day: Bupkis.

Bupkis; noun, slang, meaning: nothing, nada, zip, zilch, squat, worthless

Example: "Go ahead and sue me. Know what you'll get? Bupkis!"

Bupkis comes to us from the Slavic languages by way of Yiddish and literally means "beans", but not in an appetizing way. The beans referred to are actually small pellets of animal droppings, which is perhaps appropriate given the common usage of the word and its generally negative connotation. Gradually the literal meaning has left it and bupkis has evolved into slang meaning "nothing".

UPDATE:  This has always been a very popular post, and I was never sure why, but recently I might have figured it out by accident.  If anyone is here because of the show "Dexter", could you please leave a comment to that effect?  Thanks.

Where were the Powder Blues?

God am I sick of this shit.

Sick of getting jobbed by refs in these close games. That PI call was bullshit, as was that premature whistle on a clear fumble which was ours. And the free timeout you gave the Colts as they drove for the winning points was oh so nice of you. Fuck.

I'm sick of having games be close enough where we can get jobbed by refs.

That's 4 games lost in the final 30 seconds. 5 losses by a touchdown or less. 4 by a field goal or less. Its especially sickening to think that LT is fading fast and may never get the ring he so much deserves.

This afternoon, the Raiders- yes, the fucking RAIDERS- gave us an early birthday, Christmas, Hanukkah and Kwanzaa gift by going to Denver and beating the cracked leather right off of Shanny's face. And what do we do with this awesome gift? Spit on it by blowing another close game. So now instead of controlling our destiny, once again we need help and plenty off it.

Sigh.

Things aren't getting much easier. We are now in must-win territory, and the first must-win is in one week against Atlanta. When the schedule came out the Falcons at home looked like easy pickings, a sure win. If you had said back in April that one team would be 7-3 and the other 4-7 going into that game, 100% of people would probably think the Chargers would have the winning record. Alas, its not to be, but this is still a winnable, must win game.

We must beat Atlanta, and then we must beat Oakland, and then we must go to Kansas City and beat the Chiefs. There is no negotiation about this, no gray area.

In the meantime, we have to hope that the currently world-beating JETS JETS JETS don't celebrate their new found success by laying an egg against the Donks next week. Doesn't seem like too much to hope for that the surging Jets can beat the reeling Broncos, but then again I've hoped for a lot this year and gotten bupkis. Besides the Jets, the Broncos host Kansas City again, a game I'm not putting a lot of hope on, and then they travel to Carolina. A few weeks ago I would have felt good about that game, but with the way the Panthers are collapsing lately I can't be sure of anything.

Lets just take this one game at a time. Please Norv, Ron, and everyone else: get your shit together before Atlanta comes to town. And whoever keeps sleeping with the referees' wives, cut that crap out.

And seriously, where were the Powder Blues? Big game, Sunday Night Football, Against the Colts, and we come out in the regular jerseys? You wanna tell me that those jerseys aren't worth at least 5 points?

More BCS madness, brought to you by Bob Stoops

No NFL picks this week, cause who can think about the pros when there is so much buzz around college football right now?!?!? (Also, I'm lazy).

Tonight, Oklahoma won against Texas Tech. By a lot. "Won" isn't a strong enough word. It was a butt whipping wrapped in beatdown and topped off with a double helping of ass-stomping. The Sooners prevailed 65-21, and it could have been worse.

Oh boy.

As a result of this rather convincing victory, their will be thousands of hours of mental masturbation from coast to coast as fans, pundits and voters try to figure out just who should win the Big-12 South. The implications are huge, since the winner of the Big-12 South need only win the Big-12 championship game to be wisked away to the BCS championship game in Miami. And since the NCAA has yet to hear my pleadings and abolish the national championship altogether, this is a big deal.

The problem is that, assuming Oklahoma wins next week against Oklahoma State, their will be a 3 way tie for first place in the division. Each team be 1-1 against the other two and have an identical record otherwise, so the tiebreaker is whatever team has the highest BCS rating. We can pretty much assume that Tech is out, as they will likely be punished badly for tonight's suckitude, so the question is simple: Texas or Oklahoma?

Keep in mind that Texas beat Oklahoma by 10 points on a neutral field. So it seems pretty obvious to me who should go. But this is the BCS, meaning nothing is obvious, especially that which should be obvious. Oklahoma is going to get major points in the minds of the voters, who are fickle and short of attention span, because of tonight's dominating performance. They'll probably get some more love if they get a big win next week against State. So it could very well be the case that even when Mac Brown manages to beat Bob Stoops he still is his bitch.

Of course, if State manages to beat Oklahoma next week, then Texas Tech, who just got rocked 65 ways from Sunday, is your Big-12 South Champion. If I were a Texas fan I'm not sure what would piss me off more: beating Oklahoma but getting screwed out of a Big-12 championship by voters, or going 11-1 with a single, last second road loss but being screwed out of a Big-12 championship because your hated arch rival lost. This next week is going to suck for them, because they have to root for Oklahoma to win, but at the same time they need Oklahoma to suck badly while doing it or else risk getting edged out because of "style points". Its a real no win-situation for the Horns faithful.

While I can accept all this hemming and hawing over the Texas vs. Oklahoma question, I just about lose it when people ask stupid questions like "will Oklahoma jump Texas AND Florida"? Earth to poll obsessed idiots: IT DOESN'T MATTER! This is the easiest thing in the world to figure out, because Florida is in a different freaking conference and its not going to be a question of Texas/Oklahoma OR Florida in the National Title game. Florida controls its own destiny. In a rational world we could drop them from the rankings and it wouldn't matter as long as they win out. But again, this is College Football, and there has never been an ABC promo that said "Rationality Lives Here".

The Pac-10 would be in a prime position to crash the party with an entrant of its own in the person of the USC Trojans. That is, if OSU would be so kind as to lose their final game to Oregon. OSU almost lost to Arizona tonight because of a missed extra point but managed to pull out a miracle with less than a minute remaining and stole a 19-17 victory over Mike Stoops. I can only imagine what Thanksgiving is gonna be like at the Stoops' this year, with Mike blowing yet another close game at home while his brother has perhaps the hottest team in the country.

Now, assuming USC wins out and wins out big (an easy assumption), and OSU loses next week (a not so easy assumption), I believe USC path to the title game is narrow but possible. Several scenarios come to mind:

1) Oklahoma State beats the Sooners next week

Could happen. Maybe. Alright, probably not, but if it did you would have Texas Tech as your Big-12 South Champion, and then frankly it wouldn't matter if they or Mizzou won in Kansas City. I think the stink of failure from tonight's nightmare would be too strong for Tech to overcome, and SC would probably be voted in over them to play the winner of the SECCG.

2) OK or Texas goes to Kansas City and Mizzou pulls the upset.

All but guarantees an SC title game bid. The only way it doesn't happen is if PSU jumps USC (unlikely) or if whoever doesn't make it from the Big 12 South gets in despite finishing 2nd in their division. This has happened before in the BCS and frankly it pissed a lot of people off, which I why I don't think it will happen again.

3) Florida loses to State and then beats Bama

1 Loss USC > 2 loss SEC Champion

4) Bama loses the Iron Bowl but squeaks out an unconvincing SECCG win.

Now we're really getting weird here. Basically the argument is that Bama tarnishes itself so badly that SC could jump them, but I really don't see it happening.

By the way, all of these USC situations also could apply to Penn State, assuming either an SC loss or an Oregon State victory, though Penn State has the problem that it is the Champion of the Big-10 and therefore has to deal with the unfortunate BCS baggage which Ohio State has accumulated over the past 2 years.

It will be interesting to see if an at-large Pac-10 Co-champ USC would be voted in over Penn State. And by "interesting", I mean lots of people would be really, really mad no matter what happened. You know what would be really interesting? A playoff.

The funny thing is that there could be at least two undefeated non-BCS schools who aren't even in this conversation. Utah is 12-0 and poised to crash the BCS party, and Boise State is a win away from a 12-0 record of its own (not to mention *ahem* the Ball State Cardinals, but we aren't going there). Depending how things play out, you could very likely have two undefeated top 10 teams who won't even be considered for the BCS NCG while two one-loss teams get in. All the more reason we either need a playoff or to create a new division between BCS and non-BCS schools, because frankly its bullshit that over half of division 1-A schools have zero chance of winning their supposed National Championship.

Badvertising: Sir Charles and Emperor Ming

I kinda wish these weren't commercials. Not because they are bad, but because the medium is so limiting. I'm envisioning a sitcom or a sketch comedy series featuring Sir Charles and Pookie.

Props to Yao for his excellent guest appearance in this ad, but the best acting goes to Wade with his reaction to the scary killer shrimp.

Book Review: Hot, Flat and Crowded

I just finished Thomas Friedman's newest tome about the wonderful world of the future and how it will crush us all unless we change our ways. It was a fun read, though I admit I skimmed some parts because Friedman tends to repeat himself over and over when driving home a point. Still, I definitely recommend this book to everyone.

The thesis of the book is that the world is rapidly getting heated up due to global warming ("hot"), integrated due to globalization and the technological revolution ("flat"), and full of lots of people ("crowded"). Friedman presents the evidence through a wide variety of anecdotes and historical data. It actually gets a little annoying after a while as Friedman recounts his endless jetsetting and meetings with super smart scientific minds and heads of state, but maybe I'm just jealous because I've yet to get to China or Dubai.

Friedman advocates that the whole world needs to heed the dangers of increasing carbon emissions from development and work to stop them before they contribute to catastrophic global warming. He tries to explain that global warming is more than just the earth getting warmer, that the real danger is droughts, storms, and other terrible climate shifts which result from even a small increase in the Earth's temperatures. I think he could have done more to drive this point home, as its really the point of thinking about global warming as a serious issue. Even many climate change skeptics will conceed that the earth seems to be getting warmer, but that its not really a big deal if the mercury ticks up a degree or two, and so Friedman and others would do well to really drive the point home about the potential consequences of those few degrees.

Where the book really hits home is its description of how businesses, governments, NGOs and even the US military have adapted "green" energy saving and generating techniques, not as part of a fad or a PR campaign, but in order to gain a competitive advantage. Friedman aggressively advocates that the entire US needs to get on board with this movement, and soon, or see its place in the world continue to slip due to inefficiency, wastefulness, competitive disadvantage in costs and technology, and the continued dependence on often hostile "petrodictators" on whom we rely for oil.

This is the most important idea advanced by the this book, the idea that "going green" needs to be more than a fad. It's not about coolness, hippies, tree-hugging, granola, Birkenstocks or any of those "fringe" straw-symbols which often get associated with the environmentalist movement. Its actually about business and innovation and progress. Its about America leading the way into a new technological and economic revolution and keeping our place as the world's premier ass kicking nation. Every dollar sent overseas to a petrodictator is a dollar not spent in America. Every barrel of oil we import hurts our leverage with OPEC nations. Every wasted kilowatt makes America poorer in numerous ways and chips away at our status as the world's lone Superpower.

The brass tacks in this book are... a little lacking. Its a big picture work, a book designed to motivate large scale action. Friedman is advocating that the creative energy of the American people be engaged in this project through business and government incentives, and really that's about as specific as the solution can be at this point. The good news is that the changes advocated by Friedman are likely to find a much more receptive audience under President Obama and his new Congressional allies, though given the slow rate of progress on this front and the lots of other, more visible challenges facing the new administration I'm not entirely optimistic. Still, if its ever going to happen, now is the time. Here's hoping.

NFL Picks: Week 11

Another successful week of fake betting for me, as I went 8-5 to push my record to 64-40-5. If I keep this fake success up I'll be swimming in fake money, which I could use to buy fake blow snort it off of fake strippers' fake (or would they be real?) breasts.

"Old and Slow" D -3 "Old and Hick" QB

I never thought a pairing of 6-3 teams playing for first place could seem so dull.

PANTHERS -14 Lions

How bad are the Lions? They are getting 2 tds at home from a team which threw 4 picks and had only 7 completions last week.

Matty Ice and the Burner -6.5 Broncos

The Birds run over the Donks and open the door.

Moo Cows +8 COLTS

A bit of redemption for that early season screwup against the Colts.

FISH -10 Raiders

The Raiders should abandon the whole concept of a traditional offense and go straight to a wildcat snap on every play.

Bucs -4 Vikes

The Vikes were lucky to win last week, as one of those safeties was bogus and the Pack still almost beat them on a field goal. This week against a competent run defense they won't be so lucky.

Chefs +5 Goddamn I hate that Drew Brees got 27 fantasy points for playing like shit last week!!!

Of course, right when everyone is thinking that the Chefs might not suck so bad they'll no doubt crap all over themselves and get blown out by the struggling Saints.

Bears +3.5 PACK

The Neck Beard is back with a scruffy vengence.

Iggles -9 KITTIES

A desperate Iggles team versus a team no longer desperate to avoid going winless.

Ravens +7 BIG BLUE

Haloti Ngata is gonna take the Giants down a notch.

Rams +6.5 49ers

Answer me this: how can an entire NFL coaching staff, including an O-coordinator who once took a team to the Super Bowl, not know what damn yard line the ball is on at the most crucial time of the game? And even if they did know, why the hell would they hand off into 20 guys with a backup running back?

Cards -3 SEACHICKENS

Hasselbeck won't be enough to fix the hawks.

Chargers +5.5 STILLERS

First place, here we come! I'll be there, freezing my ass off and surrounded by 60000 terrible towels. And I have to drive dangerously close to West Fucking Virginia to get there. So you better damn well believe we're gonna win.

JAGS +3 Titans

This is the week. Get your bubbly ready, remaining 72 Dolphins.

SKINS +1 Cowboys

Wait a minute: My Boy Romo returns and suddenly the Cowboys are gonna play defense? Does no one remember that the Skins beat the Boys in Dallas? Like, this season?

Browns +5 BILLS

Couple of really disappointing teams make for another disappointing MNF matchup.

Knowledge Brings Fear

Yesterday I hosted a talk by a Very Smart Professor Who Knows Many Things, especially about American Health Care and Health Care reform.

Basically, the former is overpriced and mediocre and the latter may be kinda possible under President Obama, but not really.

Its been less than a week and I'm already depressed about the failures of a President who won't take office for 70 more days.

Then again, the Professor was a Red Sox Fan, so maybe he was just full of shit.

People who suck

Welcome to People Who Suck, November 7th edition. Today, we look at the Cleveland Browns, a whole group of people who suck.

The Browns Defense sucks. They got shredded by Jay Culter in the second half last night. They dropped multiple interceptions. They gave up a critical 4th and 1 despite tackling the ball-carrier in the backfield. They surrendered a 13 point 3rd quarter lead. They gave up the second most passing yards in team history to Cutler. At home. Against a team which had been held without a pass play over 20 yards for 4 straight games. Basically, they suck.

Oh, but the suckage isn't limited to the Browns Defense. The offense has its share of suckitude, specifically in the person of one Kellen Winslow Jr., graduate of Scripps Ranch High School and The University of Miami. Now, looking at the box score, it may seem like Mr. Winslow, who had 100 yards and 2 tds receiving, does not, in fact, suck. But oh, you would be mistaken. Look further down in that boxscore, where it shows penalties, and you'll see a critical Offensive PI penalty which took away a 3rd down conversion and a scoring chance from his team. Mr. Winslow wasn't even the intended receiver. After this penalty the Broncos scored on a 93 yard play against the aforementioned sucky Browns Defense.

So how does Mr. Winslow make up for his gaffe? On the very next series, he caught a pass which would have been a big first down, but Mr. Winslow got greedy. He just had to have one single stinking extra yard, to prove how tough he was. And while he was busy NOT getting down, the Broncos were busy making sure he did NOT have the football any more. The resulting turnover gave the Donks the ball with great field position, which they quickly turned into a go ahead touchdown. Basically, Mr. Winslow sucks so much that even with 100 yards and 2 TDS, he lost his team the game. That takes talent.

So congratulations, Cleveland. For the second straight game you blow a 2 TD second half lead at home. And for your efforts, you get to be today's "People Who Suck"

NFL Picks: Week 10

No NFL picks last week. The Chargers had a bye and so I took one too, plus all my idle time and energy which usually goes into my awesome NFL picks was focused on the election. Back to business this week, as I add to my 56-35-5 record.

BROWNS -3 Donks

Douchebag 3rd year QB versus flaming (not) gay 2nd year QB making his first start. Oh, NFL, how can you survive if you insist on putting such great matchups out of view of so many fans on NFL Network?

Bills +3.5 PATS

This game could decide the AFC east, and I think the Bills will bounce back and steal it.

TITANS -3 Da Bears

Is this a joke? Sexy Rexy is playing against the NFLs best defense, and its only 3 points?

Saints +1 Dirty Birds

Saints keep it rolling, and the Dirty Birds run at the playoffs ends.

Seachickens +8.5 FISH

Last week the Seahawks punted 11 straight times. The Fish went to Denver and won by 9. So it just seems right that this will be a squeaker.

Pack +2.5 VIKINGS

Dammit the Pack was sooooo close to knocking off the Titans last week.

Rams +9 JETS

Come on, 9 points? I know the Rams kinda suck but they damn near beat the Pats last week, and they have beaten the Skins and crushed the Cowboys. 9 points?

Ravens -1 MOO COWS

Replay of the Hurricaned-out game. Ravens D will smother just enough to get a win.

Jags -6.5 LIONS

Del Rio's boys have had a rough couple weeks. The Lions will get to play the role of slumpbuster. Metaphorically, that is. I hope.

Panthers -9.5 Raiders

Last week, at home against the mediocre Falcons, the Raiders offense was held under 80 total yards.

BOLTS -15 Chefs

With all due respect to my man Barack, Ron Rivera is the real change we can believe in. YES WE CAN... blitz the qb! YES WE CAN... get some turnovers! YES WE CAN... play some fucking defense for once!

Big Blue +3 IGGLES

Probably the game of the week, should be a bruiser. Not really feeling great about this pick.

49ers +9.5 BUZZSAW

Oh dear god. Imagine, back in March, some NFL execs were looking at the schedule and decided that THIS game should be on MNF. As for the game, the Buzzsaw is looking good, and the 49ers fired their coach and got destroyed two weeks ago by the shitty Seahawks. All this adds up to a Monday night crapfest decided by a field goal in the last minute.

Enjoy the games. Remember: YES WE CAN... drink beer and eat nachos till we pass out! God Bless America!

Kiwi vs Wallaby

People complain that there is a lot of showboating in American Sports. One of the classic "traditions" in College Football is the pre-game whoop fest, where both teams wander out on the field to stare each other down and talk trash while the refs and their pissed off coaches separate them. Its a lot of sound and fury, signifying nothing. Typically the most you'll get out of it is a few offsetting penalties. Pretty lame. At least the Jets and the Sharks had knives.

Now, down under, they know how to do pre-game dick measuring right. Check out this video of the warmup for a recent New Zealand versus Australia rugby match:



Very impressive. You know what would make this awesome display of "my cock is bigger than yours and I'll prove it by dancing around like a weirdo" even better? If there were some actual fans in the stands for this supposedly big game. Maybe they were scared away by the hard core dancing.

Slightly Bittersweet

Yesterday's Democratic ass-kicking was a special moment for many, including myself. Its been a long 8 years, and its been an especially long 4 years since W defeated Kerry in 2004. I truly believe in Barack Obama and I believe he will be a great President for our nation. Here's hoping that the Democratic party realizes that the time for action is now, and that petty legislation and partisan infighting will only waste what little time we have.

Sadly, yesterday's victory was dimmed a bit by the passing of Proposition 8 in my home state of California, a constitutional amendment which eliminates the rights of same sex couples to marry in the state. Those who are already married are grandfathered in, but no new marriages will be performed. (UPDATE: apparently that isn't quite correct. All those thousands of marriages which already exist may or may not be valid in the wake of Prop 8 passing. So congrats, California: you just might have instantly divorced thousands of loving committed couples. Real bang up fucking job there, people).

Props to the Mormon Church, who flooded the state with $25 million dollars in order to push this affront to basic civil rights. Lots of smarter and funnier people than me have pointed out how I-fucking-ronic it is that the Mormons would be pushing for the "traditional" definition of marriage. I guess they figured if they can't have theirs no one else can either.

I am straight, as are most of my friends, but I am in favor of allowing same sex marriages. There are lots of legal, political and scientific reasons I could bring up in support of this position, but it really comes down to one thing: life is short. Life is too fucking short.

If two consenting adults love each other and want to commit to spending their lives together, then "A Salut, God Bless" to them.

Several other states passed similar amendments or have done so in the past, but California was one state where passage was a sure thing going in. It would take either another amendment repealing the repeal or an overruling of these bans by the Supreme Court of the United States in order for Prop 8 to be voided, and neither of these looks likely to happen in the short term. In the long term I believe that gay marriage will someday be legalized in our country, most likely as a result of a Supreme Court decision on the subject and probably within my lifetime.

That setback aside, yesterday was a proud day for America, and hopefully the start of many more proud days in the next four (or eight) years.

Meet the New Boss....

Same as the Old Boss?

New York was crazy tonight. People out on the streets at 2 AM, marching and chanting. Horns honking, songs singing.

As part of the after-celebration at my department I enjoyed a smoke with some SIPA students, all foreigners, who were kinda happy that Obama won but couldn't help but fault him for being an American, a capitalist, or something something something. Whatever, fuck them, bunch of commies. We voted today and we voted for a pair of rival candidates who are smart, patriotic and inspiring.

McCain's concession speech was gracious and enlightened. Obama's victory speech had me choked up at a few points. Both men are deserving of our respect and gratitude.

Eternal Sufferage

Election Day is tomorrow, and its important that we all do our part to keep our Democracy healthy. Yesterday the Miami Dolphins did their part for America by beating the Denver Broncos 26-17. Follow their example and do your civic duty if you haven't already. It would be a lot less of a freaking headache every 4 years if we had a dictatorship and didn't have to work at this Democracy crap, but we're stuck with it for the time being so we might as well make the best of it.

And for those of you who think voting is uncool (assholes!) remember the timeless words of P. Diddy: VOTE OR DIE!

Strange Bedfellows

They say that politics makes strange bedfellows (or at least they used to say that when people still used the term "bedfellows"). I've come to accept this as a basic fact of political life. But still, this is some really weird shit.

Esquire Magazine interviewed a number of avowed race supremacists about who they are supporting in the election. Incredibly, 3 of the 4 white supremacists are Pro-Obama! The reasons vary, but basically they think that Obama's election will cause white people to rise up and join them in their hatred of other races and there can finally be the Great Race War. I have to hand it to them, they don't judge a man sole on the color of his skin, but one how they can exploit the color of his skin to get everyone to hate others based on the color of their skin.

The fourth white supremacist is pretty boring, he's pro-McCain because Obama is a black.

But what's even more amazing than all these nutters is the final person interviewed, a Black Supremacist who is actually anti-Obama and Pro-McCain! He thinks Obama is a big Uncle Tom sellout who isn't really black, even going so far as to say that the day of Obama's nomination was "one of the saddest days in black history". I guess the hundreds of years of slavery and oppression were actually not so bad.

Of course, this could all be a big ruse. Yet again, South Park proves to be the best source of wisdom in our troubled times.

Vote or Treat?

People often complain that Americans don't give enough attention to politics. Whether this is true or not is a matter of some debate in the academic literature. Whatever the answer, we can all rest easy knowing that there are some fine Americans who make it their business to educate the rest of us about the importance of politics.

Like this lady, who has the courage to stand by her convictions. A real patriot.

If I hadn't stupidly voted already I would change my mind, depending on what kind of candy she was giving out.