I love competition, and I love eating, but for some reason I don't like the combination of the two. To me, the world of Competitive Eating varies from boring to revolting. A lot of the events are just nasty, like Hard Boiled Eggs or String Beans. Congrats, you just won the world championship by stuffing a barrel of creamed spinach down your throat. Ugh.
The one exception I make is for the annual Nathan's Hot Dog Eating contest, held every 4th of July at High Noon at Coney Island, New York. It's considered by many to be the Super Bowl of Competitive eating, which is appropriate since it gets the most hype and even non-fans like myself are sure to tune in. If there's a more appropriate American tradition for our Nation's Birthday I haven't seen it. The contest has really taken off in recent years, getting broadcast live by ESPN. For 6 years Kobayashi held the world championship, blowing away the competition and setting record after record. But last year, just when hope seemed lost for America, Joey Chestnut emerged and stole the title away in a very entertaining match between the two. This act made Chestnut a true American Hero, on par perhaps with John Wayne or Daniel Boone, but to cement his place in history he needed to defend his title.
Today he and Kobayashi went at it again and it was truly exciting. They tied at 59 dogs after the 10 minute regulation, and so for the first time ever they was a "Dog-off", a sudden death finish where the first to eat 5 dogs wins. It was very close but Joey Chestnut, no doubt remembering the inspirational works of JFK's inaugural address, edged out his opponent and claimed the victory for America! USA! USA! USA!
To top it all off, ESPN uses not one but two of the most over-the-top announcers you'll ever hear to cover the Nathan's contest. The hyperbole they use in in the play-by-play is incredible. Its like they try to pack a year's worth of nuttiness into ten furious minutes. Normally I hate stupid sport announcers but I love these guys. It seems totally appropriate that this celebration of excess should extend to the commentary as well. Here's a sampling of this year's craziness :
"This is the height of patriotism"
"The fans here at Coney Island are louder than any fans anywhere"
"In the next few minutes our world will be changed forever"
"Some things in sport are certain: Tiger will win another Masters, Brady will win another Super Bowl, Lance Armstrong will... er... date Jennifer Aniston probably. And Kobayashi will win another Nathan's contest. Will that be today?!?!?!"
And one of the guys loves to compare the eaters to other famous athletes. When discussing a female competitor and comparing her to one of the guys, he said something like: "She's Anika to his Tiger, Madonna to his A-Rod. She likes to box out like Danica Patrick". Um, ok, those comparisons make no sense at all.
All in all its a totally pointless but surprisingly fun event. Tune in next year, when Kobayashi and Chestnut go for round 3!
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