NFL picks: Week 5

Another strong week last week. My picks went 9-4, which brings my season record to 37-19-2. If I was a betting man I'd be rich! Except of course I'd have no money to bet with in the first place, since the market has tanked and I've lost a fair portion of my net worth in the last 7 days. Also, I'm now out of my one cash suicide pool because of the Chefs upset over the Donks. It serves me right for picking a division rival who I was hoping would lose. It also serves me right for breaking rule #1 of 2008 suicide pools: pick against the Rams.

Oh well, time for some more picks. Before long I'll be swimming naked in piles of my imaginary winnings. As always, home team in caps, picks in Bold..


Bills +1 BUZZSAW

The undefeated AFC team is getting points? Against the Buzzsaw?

CAROLINA -9 1/2 Chefs

Hope you enjoyed that Denver win, Herm. Time to start another double digit losing streak.

Chicago -3 1/2 LIONS

I know Matt Millen was fired, and kudos to the Lions for (finally) getting rid of him. But as bad as he was, Millen didn't actually play for the Lions. Well, I guess no one really plays for the lions. The point is that they still suck, and this line is a joke.

JERRY & WADE -16 1/2 Marvin and Ocho

Hell of a spread, but the Boys are probably pissed after last weeks suckitude. With Carson Palmer still hurting I think this will get ugly.

Bucs +3 DONKS

A bit of Wishful thinking, but the truth is that the Bucs have what it takes to beat the Broncos: a strong defense and a good running game.

Indianapolis -3 MOO COWS

The Colts are coming off their bye week and scared as hell of going to 1-3.

JAGS -4 Pittsburgh

Bit of a weird pick, as the Jags haven't really set the world on fire, but I have a feeling that Big Ben is in for another long day.

San Francisco +3 Pats

A stupid pick, probably. Whatever, screw the Pats.

BIG BLUE -7 Seattle

Back from their bye with a vengence, the Giants should take care of business at home.

Skins +6 IGGLES

6 Points? This team beat Dallas in Big D last week! Of course, thats the problem: the Skins are always up and down. Part of me expects them to come off their Dallas win by laying an egg this week. But still, 6 points? Westbrooks is still hurting, and McNabb is apparently so fragile that Reid won't let him run a 6 inch QB sneak for a game winning touchdown (on that last note, I call bullshit: Reid made dumb call and then came up with a dumb excuse for it).

Bolts -6 1/2 FISH

Feeling a little nervous about this game. The Chargers have to start a lot faster on offense, and the defense needs an answer to that Wildcat Formation. Shut that down and we're in business.

RAVENS + 3 Titans

The final of this game is gonna be 2-0 or maybe 4-2 if they get into a shootout. Ergo, no way could the Titans cover 3 points.

Vikes + 3 Saints

This line seems very wrong to me. The Vikes can do 2 things: play strong defense and run the ball. The Saints will not be able to run on them, mostly because they suck at running against anyone, so they be forced to pass. Given the amount of passes they be forced to throw, I'm predicting a fair number of sacks and a few picks. On the flip side, the Vikes should run it right at the Saints and may dominate the time of possession.

One thing I predict is gonna happen which I am already dreading: Tony K will be critical of Reggie Bush the whole game. The Saints will try to run it a few times, get stuffed, and then Tony will bitch and moan about how Reggie is a bust and hate all over him. Reggie will get maybe 10 carries, behind a shitty O-line and straight into the teeth of a great run defense. His rushing numbers will suck, and he'll get compared unfavorably to Purple Jesus, who should tear shit up, behind a strong O-line against a weak defense. But don't worry about context or real analysis: Tony K is on the case of bashing Reggie Bush! And then he'll follow it up with another bad joke.