Why does the NFL hurt us so?

My love of the NFL is the one thing that keeps me going. Yet, like many passionate romances, ours is a troubled one. I know the NFL loves me, and soon will leave that witch DirectTV so we can be together always. But my beloved pro football still finds little ways to hurt me. Idiotic TV blackout rules. Horrible announcers. Astrofuckingnominal ticket prices. An impotent and poorly designed replay system.

Now, another little slight has come to my attention: the Chargers have a bye week this week. Its not what you think. Teams need bye weeks, and the Bolts is scheduled at a good time for player recuperation. However, they also had an away game last week. And Halloween is tomorrow. Meaning that on the Sunday before and after All Hallow's Eve there is no Charger Home game. For those of you who are still a little slow on the uptake, let me spell it out: NO CHARGER GIRLS IN HOT SLUTTY HALLOWEEN COSTUMES THIS YEAR!!!

Let us observe the bounty from years past:


If we had trick or treaters like this in my neighborhood I might actually give out candy.
























It can't be easy to cheer in that outfit. Or clean. That's dedication people!







Well Howdy!!! I'd like to celebrate the harvest with her.













Those Dwarfs have it so good.


Um... I'm not sure what this is...























Poor thing doesn't have a single merit badge. I'd buy some cookies from her though.














So Dammit, NFL, get your head out of your asses and think things out next year. In fact, I think you better use some of your clout to lobby Congress to have 16 Halloweens in 2009. That's Change we can believe in.